Post # 1
This is more of a rant since I think FI and I know what we are doing, but opinions are welcome. To start, FI and his dad aren’t very close. FFIL has always been very supportive of our relationship, but he left FI as a teenager to live on the other side of the country, etc etc. They love each other, but FI’s stepdad has been more of a father to him.
So FFIl and his two sisters have not been speaking in years. Honestly, it’s one of those things where they can’t remember why they’re fighting, but everyone involved is too stubborn to reach out first. FI has asked his dad for one thing this entire engagement – to speak to his sisters again so that our wedding isn’t a potential war zone of bickering. We have made it quite clear that they will be sitting together at the reception, so we hope this was a trigger for him to suck it up.
Fast forward two years – we are now three weeks from the wedding and still nothing. FI is calling every week to ask him to reach out. Nothing. Today, FFIL hinted that they maybe shouldn’t sit together but at this point we have no place to put them all. There are three women (two sisters and a niece) and then FFIL and his wife. The only option is to put him at FMIL’s table, but we think that is completely unfair to her and her husband.
Anyone else have frustrating table movement? We initially arranged it so that FFIL, his wife, the two sisters and the niece would be with three of my bridesmaids. The niece, FI’s cousin, is my age and she would get along great with my girls. I think they would provide a distraction during dinner until everyone could go their separate ways to the dance floor, bar, fire pit, etc. We are pretty certain we are going to keep it this way.
FI is mostly frustrated because he wants to spend time with his family the day before while I spend some time with my family, but he doesn’t want to run around from hotel to hotel. As I said, his father lives on the other side of the country, as do his aunts.
Thoughts anyone? Words of wisdom to ask FFIL to grow up?
Post # 2
I think you should sit the sisters with their mother (FMIL), because that would be more comfortable for both the sisters and for FFIL. Then find other people to sit at FFIL’s table, even if they are strangers to him.
I have divorced parents and we had 3 main family tables (one for groom’s family, one for our mother and her family/friends, and one for our father and his family/friends) at my sister’s wedding.
As for FI and his family: yep, he’ll have to go to two different places (or have the parents visit hiom at different times). Sometimes that’s the reality with divorced parents.
Post # 3
Sorry, I was waaaaaay confusing! The sisters are FFIL’s – they are FI’s aunts. After rereading my post, it does sound like they are FI’s sisters – sorry! He’s hoping to spend time with his dad and his aunts on that Friday. His mom and her side of the family and more local and we see them often.
We have three tables for the parents – one for my parents who are still married, one for FMIL and her family and one for FFIL and his family. Problem is that he doesnt want to sit with his family and would rather sit with his ex -wife. Awkward!
Post # 4
moedude: Oops, sorry!
OK then, I think I’d still find a way to split them up. Is there any other table FI’s aunts can be sat at, even a further one? It just seems better to sit people with strangers than with enemies. I also feel it’s not FI’s business to force them to sort out their differences.
I guess FMIL’s table is an option, but only if FMIL and her husband are ok with it. Another possibility might be to sit FFIL at your family table?
As for who to see on the morning of the wedding: I feel like father trumps aunts, so maybe the aunts just don’t get to see FI until the wedding.
Post # 5
aussiemum1248: that’s a greaf point for father trumping the aunts for the day before. He should see his dad before he flies back. It’s been a few years at least. Still not sure on the table. Problem is the only place with room is FI’s work table. Maybe if we give FFIL the option, he will choose between the lesser or the two evils! 🙂
Post # 6
If I were you I’d leave the table arrangement as it is. They are adults and need to sort out their quarrel but you cannot force them to talk to each other. They know about the seating arrangements and haven’t objected. Just don’t get involved but be nice to everyone.
Your FI has done his best to get his father to talk to his (the FFIL’s) two sisters and so he should now stop trying so hard. Instead he should simply insist on everyone being civil at the wedding. This is because the wedding is about you and your FI getting married. It is not about stopping World War Three between various family members.
On the day itself he needs to ask a groomsman to keep an eye on the table and walk over occasionally for a chat with people. This will remind everyone that they are at a civilised event and they should behave appropriately.
On the day you should speak to everyone in turn including your new FIL and his sisters. Just be pleasant and happy and then move on to talk to the people at the next table.