FFIL called FI and I cruel and heartless…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@FutureMrsKenward:  At that point, I would say, “if you have a probelm with it, you are welcome to stay home with your grandkids. You are not paying for our wedding and it’s our choice.”

Post # 5
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@FutureMrsKenward:  So because he’s the parent he is allowed to be a jerk, but if you stand up for yourselves then YOU are responsible for ending the relationship? If the relationship ends, it is his fault and a result of his actions. Being family doesn’t give you an all access pass to being an ass. 

You could also say, “we understand how you feel about the decision we made but we hope you can respect that it is our decision to make. We would really appreciate your support at this time.” I understand you are trying to be accommodating but he is not being fair to you or respecting you. 

Post # 6
523 posts
Busy bee

@FutureMrsKenward:  Honestly I’d have your FI say straight to his father that FFIL has made his feelings clear on the subject and that while you understand and appreciate his feelings there will be no discussion on the subject.

Is your MIL in the picture? Is there a way she can rein in the crazy? Honestly he sounds like he’s just embarassing himself at this point!! Sorry you have to deal with this nonsense, I’m glad at least your FI is fully supporting your position and the rest of the family is fine with your decision!

Post # 7
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Your FFIL is being an asshole.  I personally don’t see a point in maintaining relationships with people who try to bully me to get their own way.  Once you’ve caved on something big, they never stop.

Post # 8
3846 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@FutureMrsKenward:   FFIL is *that* upset about an adult only evening reception?  ONE evening out of the year???  You and your FI certainly are not the first to choose that route (no kids) and I find it quite sensible.

FFIL sounds to me as if he was spoiling for a fight.  

Post # 9
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

What a jerk!

I think as long as the parents of the kids know not to bring them, there shouldn’t be an issue.

Post # 10
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I’m totally in agreement with @MrsPanda99 and everything she said!

Post # 11
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think this should be a huge problem since it seems that all of your family members who have children know not to bring them as per your request. The next time your FFIL brings it up I would just say, “If you really want to see your grandchildren that much the night of OUR wedding maybe you should volunteer to babysit all of them so their parents can have a night out.” I don’t see why he would be so obsessed with seeing his grandkids at your wedding when the focus should be on his son and his son’s new wife.

Post # 12
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@FutureMrsKenward:  Actions have consequences, as your FFIL has seemed to forget. One possible compromise is renting a hotel room close to the venue for the grandkids and FFIL can watch them during the ceremony and reception. 

That way, all the kids and FFIL get to dress up and “come to your wedding” but it’s essentially still childfree. 

If he refuses that or any other compromise, he’s made his choice. You aren’t ending the relationship, it’s just a natural effect that his on-going actions have caused. 

Post # 13
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

He sounds like he’s being extremely childish… if the kids’ own parents don’t care, then why should he?  He gets to see them all the time I’d assume, so why can’t he go 5-6 hours or however long the wedding is without them?  Is he planning to watch them all night and put them to bed?  geeze. 

I’d hope that while yes, he’s acting immature now, that after the wedding comes and goes it’ll pass and eventually be a thing of the past. 

Anytime he brings it up from here on out, I’d just tell FI to say “we’ve discussed this, I’m not talking about it again” and if he persists, then I’d leave the room or the house altogether.  Eventually he’ll get the point that you’re sticking to your guns.

I’m having an child-free wedding as well, so I get it.  I haven’t had any backlash yet, but we haven’t fully announced it yet either… So frustrating how people think they can dictate your own wedding to you

Post # 14
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think he is so out of line. I don’t know how I would handle it to be honest. I think I would try to meet in the middle? Would you be willing to have them there for even a few hours? I think you should have your day your way… but I think there are certain things that maybe just aren’t worth fighting over. It really depends on the people involved etc Good luck!

Post # 15
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

As our parents get older we have to grow up and be their parents in a way.  Your FFIL is acting like a child.  You’ve already told him he has no say in this matter.  The only other thing left to do is ignore him as best you can and refuse to discuss the matter any further.  When he says hurtful things, you and your FI need to agree to say “I love you, goodbye” and hang up the phone or leave wherever you are so you don’t have to deal with his whining.  Eventually the wedding will pass and he will get over it.  No need to end the relationship over it, just be clear that the decision has been made and there is to be no further discussion about it, then enforce as necessary.

Post # 16
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think your FFIL is completely out of line here. He needs to grow up. You have your wedding however you see fit.

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