(Closed) FFIL is hurtful and rude

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Is there any way the two of you can pay for the wedding yoursefl? sometimes the cost of the money isn’t worth it.

Post # 4
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would refuse the man’s money and throw my own party.  He sounds rude.

Post # 5
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m so sorry for you. This sucks. But he is paying so he has alot more control then you guys do. You have to figure out what is more important… a big, huge wedding and a year of head ache, or a smaller one you and Fiance can afford (with out going into dept) and a year of enjoying your wedding planning.

There is no way in hell i would let this man have ny say in my wedding

Post # 6
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I know from your previous posts that Fiance didn’t want to get the money upfront from your Future Father-In-Law, but I REALLY think you have to. Figure out your budget and get money from the man now. He is going to continue to make this miserable for you, and while wedding planning can be stressful at times, it shouldn’t be this way.   


Post # 7
191 posts
Blushing bee

This is why I would never let anyone pay for my wedding (or for anything for that matter).  There are always some kind of strings attached.  Can you guys save some money so you can have the wedding YOU guys want?

Post # 9
46256 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t agree that funding the wedding gives him the control.

The control you need is learning not to react negatively to his comments.

When he says “Well, if you want to settle and get married at someplace like that, well, it’s your wedding”, just have your Fiance say “Thank-you, we do love it and will love having our wedding there”. We have chosen _____ as the date as there are only two weekends left in ____. “

Your Fiance should have a talk with his Dad, if he hasn’t already, determine the budget for the wedding , and ask his father how he wants to handle the expense. Does he want to give you one cheque and the two of you go ahead with the planning?  Or, does he want to pay for things individually as they come up?

If Future Father-In-Law chooses the latter , then Fiance needs to ask for a cheque for the deposit.

You will hear negative comments from many sources as you plan your wedding. Please remember it is your wedding, and let these remarks pass you by.


Post # 11
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BetterSherm:  UGHHHHHH! I remember suggesting to you to email your Future Father-In-Law directly. UGHHH. I am so sorry.

Post # 12
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

If your Fiance insists upon getting the money from his day, I would pay the deposits and when the money is due just tel him “x amount is due July 1st”. That way you are planning everything and limits the strings that attacehed to the money.

Post # 13
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would try to back out & pay it yourself. It won’t end here. The fact is, he is paying & while I agree he shouldn’t have “control” he DOES get to have an opinion, it just is the way it is when someone else is holding the checkbook.

My inlaws were going to give us some money for the food at the reception – but things started to get out of control and my Father-In-Law, basically thought that if he was paying, then we had to serve excatly what he wanted. SO, my husband and I very nicely told them “thank you so much for your offer, we really appreciate it, but it is very important to us that this wedding be a reflection of us as a couple, and we are proud of how we have grown and are looking forward to paying for this wedding ourselves.” My inlaws were a little taken aback, but since we made it about “us wanting to be adults and pay for our own wedding” they agreed. Maybe you and your Fiance could preface your conversation like that?

Post # 15
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with the other bees. I’d plan and put deposits myself, and then if he pays you back, thats just a bonus.

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