- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
My FFIL is from a different country and things have been strained for a while. I was expecting him to flip a lid over our engagement and very nervous about it. Luckily, he didn’t say anything in front of me other than an awkward congratulations and a breakfast out.
He’s so passive-aggressive that I usually refuse staying with him. My fiance is frequently visiting his parents (they are separated) and I will stay with his mom when I need to go. Generally there are comments about a “woman’s place”, but lately he’s just avoided me completely by not inviting conversation and staying in another room. This really isn’t anything new to the family. I think he expected both of his sons to marry both inside the culture and the religion – and neither did. FSIL had some issues as well, and I saw that on the sidelines when they got married earlier this year.
My question is this: during breakfast, I told him I would be more than happy to incorporate any cultural traditions I can into our wedding. His immediate response was that we must then invite upwards of 200 people from his side. When my fiance mentioned we were planning on getting married downtown, and gently suggested we wouldn’t have the money for that amount of guests, he said our location choice was “too expensive” and it was “assinine” to spend so much money on a wedding. His suggestion was an Indian banquet hall far off in the suburbs.
By the way, we’re paying for the wedding in it’s entirety ourselves.
He said it would be an utter embarassment to invite less than ALL OF HIS FAMILY (no one talks to them, meets them, sees them, except his dad) and that’s why he never told anyone his other son was married – because he was “ashamed”.
The topic was eventually changed when he started insulting the place we were eating at. At least I was able to explain I was not converting to their religion and he agreed with my reasoning.
Part of me wants to extend yet another olive branch and invite these people, but then I’d end up changing everything about my wedding and turning into utter chaos. We wanted 100 guests in a downtown facility, a lavish ceremony and good food – and the option for people to continue the night elsewhere. NOT a banquet 40 miles away in the middle of no where. I also feel like because I’ve tried to include him both in my life and invite conversation – and have been met with insults and rejection – he doesn’t deserve it.
I want to be the better person. What do you think I should do?
My fiance doesn’t want to invite them, but he also feels bad. I think it’s my judgment call now.