Post # 1
We are getting married in India and FFIL is giving me mixed signals. At time he wants to give his input and then he acts like he just wants to show up
1) He called me to ask to put his parents (FI’s grandparents) on the invitation and wanted to be involved in the wording of invitations
2) Then when I had previously asked him to come a little early to help us out (we have very little close family abroad to actually help plan the wedding) he said fine but recently informed FI that he does not even want to come a day early and will only come the night before our first event (3 events in our wedding- a traditional Indian thing).
When I politely asked him to come a day or so earlier he said "those are girls events so it doesn’t matter" (which they are not!!). My take on it is that this is fine, we can plan on our own, but I’m surprised by the lack of enthusiasm.
Note to clarify: He will be in a different city in India for FI’s cousin’s wedding the weekend before so there is no chance he will miss our first event because he will be travelling domestic. He will just be hanging with FI’s cousin (the other bride) and other family from Mon-Thus before our Friday event.
3) He proceeds to tell FI to come with him the day before the first event and lectures him for awihile on how he should not stay near/with brides’s family before the wedding. We are not having an arranged marriage and FI has met my family in India so I’m not sure why he is worried about that. I was peeved he was telling the groom when to show up for his own wedding when FI and I are trying to get all the help we can . . .
anyway, how have you dealt with lack of enthusiam from the future in-laws??
Post # 3
My FFIL actually passed away about three weeks before FI asked me to marry him. My dad is very interesting in all this – he is, of course, really happy we are getting married, and really likes FI a lot. And its important to him that we have a nice wedding and reception, one we are happy with. But all he ever has to say is that this detail, or that detail "really doesn’t matter." So he asks how things are going (just to make conversation, I think) and then when I show him, he just tells me it really doesn’t matter. Which is really infuriating. He also loves to say "All I have to do is show up." When I pointed out to him that he also has to buy a nice suit to wear, he has to walk me down the aisle, he has to dance with me… he says "Yes, really, all I have to do is show up. You know I can’t dance." (He did dance with my sister at her reception, just once.)
Its truly bizarre. In a way I suppose he is trying to destress me (really saying that even without all this stuff, it will be a nice wedding). But seriously, its annoying.
I do know that he really thinks all the details (flowers, cake, candles, table linens) are "girl stuff." He is a little mystified that FI actually cares about how things look, and wants to be involved. Maybe your FFIL is the same way – just out of his element, and not understanding your FI’s desire to be involved, and maybe wanting a little more time with his son right before the wedding. I wouldn’t take it too personally. My dad is a great guy, but sometimes he is seriously right out of the 1950s. (He has actually told me that I shouldn’t beat FI at tennis, as it will upset him.) I would just maybe not count on your FFIL for much help. As long as your FI does his part (which will involve telling his dad he’s going to be around to help no matter what his dad thinks) then its all okay.
Post # 4
some ppl just don’t get into wedding stuff and i think it’s ok. let him participate in the events/items he wants to. overall, i don’t think its that big of a deal.
i think brides need to keep in mind that while their wedding day is the most important day of their lives, that isn’t necessarily the case for other ppl.
my parents and my in laws aren’t really into my wedding planning and honestly, i prefer it that way. less chefs in the kitchen!
Post # 5
Fathers are just funny like that. My dad will say he doesn’t want to hear the details, and then surprise me by caring about random things. I have found I can’t predict what he cares about and doesn’t – and I doube he even knows himself! So I just try to make sure he is updated on enough that he feels included but not inundated with details he doesn’t care about…..
I know he is thrilled and looking forward to the wedding. Try not to interpret his actions to mean too much!
Post # 6
I also think it must be hard for a dad whose son is getting married. My dad cried at my sister’s wedding, and he probably will at my wedding, but he has the excuse that his little girls are all grown up now. While it should be just as acceptable to cry at your son’s wedding, I’m sure that most dads feel that its not. So I think to some extent they pretend to be less interested than they are, as it sort of insulates them from having to feel sad about it.