(Closed) FFIL Lack of Enthusiasm??

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My FFIL actually passed away about three weeks before FI asked me to marry him.  My dad is very interesting in all this – he is, of course, really happy we are getting married, and really likes FI a lot.  And its important to him that we have a nice wedding and reception, one we are happy with.  But all he ever has to say is that this detail, or that detail "really doesn’t matter."  So he asks how things are going (just to make conversation, I think) and then when I show him, he just tells me it really doesn’t matter.  Which is really infuriating.  He also loves to say "All I have to do is show up."  When I pointed out to him that he also has to buy a nice suit to wear, he has to walk me down the aisle, he has to dance with me…  he says "Yes, really, all I have to do is show up.  You know I can’t dance."  (He did dance with my sister at her reception, just once.)

Its truly bizarre.  In a way I suppose he is trying to destress me (really saying that even without all this stuff, it will be a nice wedding).  But seriously, its annoying.

I do know that he really thinks all the details (flowers, cake, candles, table linens) are "girl stuff."  He is a little mystified that FI actually cares about how things look, and wants to be involved.  Maybe your FFIL is the same way – just out of his element, and not understanding your FI’s desire to be involved, and maybe wanting a little more time with his son right before the wedding.  I wouldn’t take it too personally.  My dad is a great guy, but sometimes he is seriously right out of the 1950s.  (He has actually told me that I shouldn’t beat FI at tennis, as it will upset him.)  I would just maybe not count on your FFIL for much help.  As long as your FI does his part (which will involve telling his dad he’s going to be around to help no matter what his dad thinks) then its all okay.

Post # 4
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

some ppl just don’t get into wedding stuff and i think it’s ok.  let him participate in the events/items he wants to.  overall, i don’t think its that big of a deal.

i think brides need to keep in mind that while their wedding day is the most important day of their lives, that isn’t necessarily the case for other ppl.

my parents and my in laws aren’t really into my wedding planning and honestly, i prefer it that way.  less chefs in the kitchen!

 

Post # 5
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Fathers are just funny like that. My dad will say he doesn’t want to hear the details, and then surprise me by caring about random things.  I have found I can’t predict what he cares about and doesn’t – and I doube he even knows himself! So I just try to make sure he is updated on enough that he feels included but not inundated with details he doesn’t care about…..

I know he is thrilled and looking forward to the wedding.  Try not to interpret his actions to mean too much!

Post # 6
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I also think it must be hard for a dad whose son is getting married.  My dad cried at my sister’s wedding, and he probably will at my wedding, but he has the excuse that his little girls are all grown up now.  While it should be just as acceptable to cry at your son’s wedding, I’m sure that most dads feel that its not.  So I think to some extent they pretend to be less interested than they are, as it sort of insulates them from having to feel sad about it.

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