Post # 1
Oh, hive, I don’t know what to think, much less what to do. The mister and I had been considering buying a new car together, but for various reasons FI needed to clear this idea with his parents first. When he mentioned the idea to his dad, FFIL said “Son, I know you’re engaged and it makes you feel warm & fuzzy, but engagements end all the time, and then you know what? One of you is left holding the bill. I don’t want that to be you. As far as I’m concerned, this girl is a liability until the marriage certificate is signed.”
Um…what? We dated over 4 years before getting engaged. I own my own home and car. Not only that, but I’ll be graduating from medical school in 2 years, almost completely debt free. I don’t consider myself to be a liability.
On the one hand, I can see that FFIL wants to protect his son. On the other, I find it incredibly rude. I also kind of feel like FI should have stood up for me here…but then again, I know how hard it can be to stand up to your parents, and he’s an only child to boot. I keep having these circular arguments in my head. I’m not mad exactly…just hurt.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Please?
Post # 3
… why on earth do they think you’re a liability? That just seems strange since you own everything yourself!
Post # 4
Ugh that is so rude. Did you talk to FI about this statement? Were you present when he said it? I feel like if you were in ear-shot then FI really should have stood up for you. If you were not present then he really should have handled his father and never told you about this, because obviously it is causing a rift between his fam and you.
Post # 5
Wow. Just … wow.
I have to say … from where I stand, it sounds like you already have a car, thus it must be him who needs a new one — so isn’t HE more likely to be the liability? It sounds like your ducks are all CLEARLY in a row.
I’m no lawyer, but I imagine from a legal point of view, buying something as big as a car with someone who you don’t have a legal relationship (i.e. blood or marriage) with could be seen as risky, but … you’d think he’d see you in a better light by now!
Post # 6
It might not be directed at you. A lot of people believe that you should NEVER EVER cosign on a loan until you are married even if you are engaged and have been together for a long time. If it really bothers you, I would have your FI talk to his parents to make sure that they understand that they hurt you.
Post # 7
wow, i laughed a little bit…mostly because, wow, that was akkkkkkwwwaaaaard!! what an odd thing to say! I see his point (kinda) but it still doent need to be said out loud. Im sorry you had to hear this…
Post # 8
Is your FFIL an attorney? That sounds like the anti-social way attorneys can speak sometimes.
My suggestion would be to let it roll off your back. It was rude, it sucks, but it doesn’t look like he was personally attacking you. My impression is that this was MUCH more about just taking a defensive stance.
You will totally have a chance to prove yourself later. FFIL may never be awesome, but if he is as calculating as it sounds, he’ll come around because you are so grounded and responsible.
Post # 9
It DOES sound like a lawyer’s statement! 🙂 It ALSO sounds like something my dad would say if I were considering co-signing on a loan before we were married.
And, you know what? I kind of agree. NOT that you, personally, are a liability, but that from a legal standpoint, it might not make a lot of sense. But it sounds like you guys are solid, so honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it. It doesn’t sound personal, just purely logical.
Post # 10
wow. im so sorry 🙁 (((HUGS))). What a crappy thing for him to say. After you guys are married, are you just supposed to forget that?
Is the car for you or your FI? I think you mentioned that he is an only child. Maybe his dad is feeling a little loss that his son is growing up and doesnt need him anymore.
Post # 11
remind your FI to go to his parents for advice like this a little less, sheeshhh.. If you’re just starting out and 18 and need a cosigner that’s one thing, but you all have your own house and car? why go to the folks?
Post # 12
wow…I know thats a little harsh but I’m sure his parents are worried about taking a step like that before marriage…but really if he wants to cosign, I wouldn’t worry about what his parents say.
Post # 13
I agree with MissAsB. There are those who believe that – no matter what or WHO – you never ever make some kind of major purchase without being married and having that kind of legal entanglement. And I’m not a parent, but my understanding is that parents get weird selective sight about their kids whereby logic occasionally goes out the window. Like what Melissabegins said; you’re clearly the more stable here, and more likely than not you’d be the one left holding the bag if something happened. I know it hurts (I’m sitting here hurting FOR you), but try to laugh this one off due to it’s ridiculousness.
Post # 14
hmm, i don’t get why you’d be a liability if your name is on the car’s title and loan?? you are both liable for it legally. my fmil and ffil are both attorneys and had no issue with my fi and i buying a car together and taking out a loan in both our names, and we bought it way before we were engaged or fi had even talked to them about us getting married at all
Post # 15
I agree with MissAB: Don’t take it personally. My FIL said the same thing when my huband and I purchased property together before we were even engaged. He’s just thinks it would be better not to get yourself entertwined with your SO legally until you are actually married. It’s perfectly rational, although sounds kind of harsh. I would just let it roll off my back.
Post # 16
@monitjab- you sayin’ all lawyers are antisocial? huh? are ya’? hehe jk! I didn’t look at it that way but I guess that is something that i might say… if i was also totally insensitive and socially awkward heh. I guess legally he’s right but I think most people are willing to take a leap of faith on a loan if they’re willing to take a leap of faith on ya know… that whole marriage thing!