(Closed) FFIL/FIL How do they influence your relationship with MIL?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
37 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

My FMIL is the worst & My FFIL is the best. My FMIL is your typcial stereotypical Italian mother. And to make matters worse, my hubby to be is her only son! She has always been very cold since the day he introduced me to her. My FFIL is the greatest. I simply love him. He always greets me with a hug & kiss & does the same when saying goodbye to me. He comes over to our (my & hubby to be’s) house every Saturday & Sunday morning around 8am & I make breakfast. I know this makes my FMIL jealous but oh well. She has been invited to come over for breakfast but doesn’t open her eyes until 10am. I have been dating my fiance for almost 4 years & do not see how such 2 different people can be married. My FMIL & I had one huge blow-out this past September about our wedding. My FMIL tried to tell me that I could not get married in Sept 2011 because her daughter who had just gotten engaged 2 days (before our argument) wanted a Sept 2011 wedding but I had been engaged for 2 months prior. For 3 years I held back my feelings about my FMIL & let her have it in a 1 minute rant. By the look on her face, she was surprised I fired back at her since I had always cowardly accepted her condescending remarks. As I figured, she told me everything was in my head & she never intended for her remarks to be offensive. Then contradicted herself by saying this as she left my house, “You know people admire me because I tell it like it is & speak my mind & don’t sensor my thoughts & feelings.” I wanted to slam the door on her fat Italian wide @ss. I called my fiancé balling my eyes out. He couldn’t talk about it because he was at work. Within 10 minutes, my FFIL to be rang my door bell. He got a call from my fiancé that my FMIL (from hell) had upset me. It was a fresh of breath air talking about the problems I had with his wife to him. Him said his wife is very difficult. He then said, “My wife & love you. I asked him, “how can someone treat someone their son loves & they so-call love, so horribly?” He couldn’t give me a direct answer. He did say it was no one’s decision when to get married besides mine & his son’s. He said if his daughter wants a wedding in September & I want my wedding in September, then September will be a fun filled month. He was very consoling & told me when he saw my eyes filling up with tears, “Don’t cry. This is supposed to be the best time of you & my son’s life planning a wedding. Don’t let anyone take this joyful time from you.” I don’t know if my FMIL knows my FFIL visited me after she left that day & it’s probably best she doesn’t. My FFIL is a great person & I know I will always have a great relationship with him even if I don’t with his wife.


Post # 4
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Both my ILs are pretty great and we have a good relationship.

However, my relationship with my FIL is definitely in a different realm altogether. We have a special relationship that’s really in it’s own category, I don’t know how to describe it. He’s just a really really great man. I think my father dying young also has something to do with it and they never had a daughter so I really am the daughter they never had to them.

My ILs always a united front. Whatever MIL says, goes, whether FIL thinks she is right or wrong and you will never know if he thinks she is wrong because they support each others decision 110%.

My FIL and I danced the father/daughter dance together and it was a great moment. I think it meant the world to him that I asked him and to me as well. He was practicing dancing for it, he’s so sweet.

Post # 5
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I love both my FIL and MIL dearly!  ๐Ÿ™‚  I do spent time visiting with my FIL without my MIL there, but that’s easy to do.  He’s on MSN, so we text each other at times and he’s an easy guy to chat with!  He takes an interest in a wide variety of things and has a fair bit in common with my dad.  

He’s an amazing guy!  One of the first things that struck me about him was that he had eyes that literally twinkled when he got a kick out of something.  ๐Ÿ™‚  He’s also got a smile that reaches all the way down to his toes.  I love that after 30+ years, he still likes to hold my MIL’s hand and have a tickle fight with her, etc.  ๐Ÿ™‚

As for whether he gets involved, he has to.  My MIL and I can communicate fairly well, but she only speaks a very few words of English, and I speak about the same amount of Dutch!  My FIL or DH or BIL’s are almost always there and translating between the 2 of us.

Post # 6
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My father in law loved me.  He knew I made his son happy and that was good enough for him.  I miss him.  (passed away). 

My MIL…  well, of course, I can do nothing right.  Even still.  but whatever… it is what it is.



Post # 7
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have a good relationship with both. But FFIL and I get along better than FMIL. I’m kind of a guy’s gal so to speak. I always seem to fit with dudes better. And FMIL can be a little…um… high strung sometimes.

FFIL and I like to cut up and drink beer together.

Post # 8
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

DH’s parents are divorced, so they don’t ever see each other. I am all by my lonesome with the MIL disagreements!

Post # 9
24 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your MIL sounds like a wretch. But count your blessings – you have one awesome Italian father-in-law!! What a great guy!

And power to you for giving it to her in 1-minute rant. I’d love to do that to my MIL (but we’ve limited our engagement with her to the point that we’ll only see her at mutual events, like a 5 year old’s birthday party, where I obviously won’t give her what she deserves to hear)! If she’s the ‘stereotypical Italian MIL,’ she won’t forgive you for it or forget, but who cares. After 4 years, she’s already made up her mind about you anyway.

And limit her interaction with your [future] children! She sounds too self-entitled and passive-aggressive to be a positive influence!

Post # 10
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I have an issue with both my IL’s. When I have a problem with one, I have a problems with the other.

Post # 11
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I am sorry to hear about your troubles with FMIL. Not cool – but her husband sounds delightful ๐Ÿ™‚

I am closer to my FMIL than FFIL, but they are both quite lovely to me. FFIL treats me like a daughter (they have three sons) – especially since my own father lives far away from me and I only see him 2-3 times a year. He always tells my dad that they are taking good care of me for him.

Post # 12
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012


I’m different because most of my problems have been with FFIL, not FMIL. 

FFIL doesn’t like me because:

1) I’m divorced

2) I’m bipolar

3) I had a completely different upbringing to FI.

The last two are completely out of my control, and I don’t appreciate being judged by anyone on them.  Being divorced?  Not something I’m proud of, but I’d rather be divorced than having an unhappy life.

Anyway…FFIL is a control freak, has serious problems with OCD and depression that he won’t get any help for. He’s a miserable git most of the time, and tries to makes FMIL and FI’s lives as miserable as his.  Unlike his family, I don’t and won’t pander to him.  He even had the cheek to ask my FI (after we’d been together over 2 years and engaged for over a year) if he loved me….how insulting is that?  As if FI, at the age of 41, would get engaged to a woman he didn’t love…

I’m sure FFIL bad mouths me to FMIL.  I live 200 miles away from them, so it’s not really much of a problem.

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