Post # 1
Bees, I am so stressed. I’m paranoid even posting this because I’m worried about someone finding out, but I seriously need advice. I live with Fiance and his parents for financial reasons. Very conservative, religious family. My Future Father-In-Law is a leader at their church, teaches Bible studies, etc. Fiance and I have separate bedrooms and it’s been an issue for us to go on trips and stuff because of them finding out that we shared a room. We’re religious, not as conservative, but regular churchgoers and whatnot.
There’s a computer that everyone in the family uses. Fiance looks at sports stuff and news all the time, Future Mother-In-Law surfs the internet and does business, etc. Fiance and I have used it to scan, copy, send e-mails together, etc. Definitely common use and no reason to think otherwise. So today I happened to be by the office and instead of retrieving my laptop, went to get a form and print it from the internet. Instead of hitting the button to search, I hit the arrow that brought up history. And it was all porn. Like a lot of porn!!!! With the titles – all very descriptive!!!! I took a deep breath and finished what I was doing, but then I looked at the history again and my site was just above it, so it was what was looked at today. Future Father-In-Law was the only one here, and when I got up this morning he was sitting at the computer in the dark as he often is when I get up. He and I are the last ones here in the morning and he’s usually there when I get up. Last week I really thought I heard something that sounded like porn while he was on the computer, and it crossed my mind, but I brushed it off as ridiculous. I dislike him, generally, because he’s been highly offensive to me and is not a kind person, so I thought it was my personal prejudice…now I’m not so sure. And I find that creepy that he’d be watching porn with the sound on where I could easily hear it.
I know people look at porn. I’m not so sheltered that I’m not fully aware of this and that a lot of men do. But it does make me uncomfortable that he’s looking at it while we’re alone in the house, and I’m SUPER paranoid that he’s going to find out I saw it. It was legitimately an accident! I clicked the wrong button! I can’t imagine he’d even bring it up if he found out because he’d have to admit it, but if he did figure it out, I’m not sure how he’d handle it or how he might try to make my life more difficult. He’s very much about appearances and looking a certain way to everyone.
Should I tell my FI? I wasn’t going to. I talked to my mom and we agreed it doesn’t accomplish anything. Then he came home and I got freaked out about seeing him and him figuring out that I know. I would like the moral support…it’s so awkward being here, and now this is even more awkward! I don’t know what to do. I feel like it might bother me for my Fiance not to know, but I wouldn’t want him to tell anyone else and have it get back to Future Father-In-Law. Just try to move on and forget this ever happened?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t say anything. I know it’s going to be hard to put it out of your mind at first, but you and your mum are right. Telling your Fiance doesn’t do anything but embaress your Future Father-In-Law.
Post # 4
@MrsVandykins: Thanks, I think you’re right. I freaked out momentarily, but after posting and thinking things through, it seems like nothing good can come from telling him.
Post # 5
I suppose I could see where it could bother you from a religious/moral/hypocritical standpoint. And I’m also not sure about well… how you feel about porn or sexual things in general, so there could always be other squicks, and I understand that.
However, maybe if you think about him instead of your Future Father-In-Law, and then just as a normal man with sexual impulses that might help? I mean, it isn’t that deviant (well, depending on the subject of the porn, I suppose) to be looking at pornography in your own house. I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, but it is his house that you are staying in. It isn’t as if he has personally assaulted you or anything, and I’m sure he didn’t think you could hear it or he wouldn’t have done it with you in the house.
So my advice is maybe come to terms with it yourself or talk to your mom about it again until you can resolve it. Or hey, talk to us. You can feel free to message me if you don’t want to constantly talk about it on the board.
Post # 6
That is kinda awkward :/ But if it wasn’t child pornography or anything harmful I don’t think it’s really your business. Men look at porn. Hell, women watch porn too. I think people make it out to be something much more dramatic than it really needs to be. If I’m understanding this right, this is his house and his computer? If so then yeah, I’d let it go. As far as being worried about being alone with him in the house, has he ever done anything to make you think he would sexually assault you? Just watching porn online doesn’t make one a dangerous sexual deviant. Yeah, it’s kinda gross that he’s doing it in a public area of the house while there are other people home. You said the computer is in the “office.” Is this a separate room with a door that can shut? Or are we talking about a really common area like a living/dining room? This would make a difference to me.
I know you said you dislike him for other reasons but honestly I feel kinda sorry for the guy, just trying to get a little “me time” in. I get that it’s super hypocritical of him to make a big deal about you guys sleeping together if he’s going to do other things that go against his religious preaching, but there’s not really anything you can do about that. You can feel better about yourself, if you’d like, when he gets judgey on you 😉 You have that ammo now, I would just strongly caution against using it. It’s not going to help anyone.
I totally understand not wanting to accidentally see/hear porn while you’re at home alone with him though. If it were me, I would just be very loud when walking around the house so as to make my presence known. Maybe go out for a while and announce “Hey, I’m going to XYZ for a couple hours. Need anything while I’m out?”