(Closed) FH acting annoyed with wedding talk…

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
278 posts
Helper bee

I wrote in another post yesterday, my Fiance and I are doing alot of things together and some of the things we do on our own, but of course we discuss and plan things first before excecuting anything to be sure we’re on the same page. I am sorry to hear that your guy is a bit “sticky” in the mud, my guy is  like that sometimes too and I think it’s kinda normal. HUGS!

I saw that you are not going to getting married until 2013, maybe it would be nice to just take it a bit slower and just eaze in with all the planning for now. I do understand that you want to book venue, church perhaps, so that would be great if you maybe could do that first and then take things slower and let things mature? 🙂 

One tip from me could be going out with your guy now and then to enjoy eachothers company without any wedding talk would eaze the situation a bit and make both relax more perhaps?  And have “weddingfree” days so that it won’t go over your head?


Just tips, it helps for me and makes wedding planning more fun. Take care!

Post # 4
235 posts
Helper bee

Mine is being okay but it’s all I think about too- dont worry!  Maybe talk to your girlfriend’s about stuff you dont need his input on and only ask him about the more serious things?  It sucks and I know you want him to share in your excitement as well some guys just arent into it. Good luck!

Post # 4
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Kamazing: I *did* feel your pain, until I had a sit-down, this-is-serious, I’m-getting-fed-up talk with the Mr. I told Mr.ND that I do like wedding planning (I’m an organizer by nature) but I really disliked having to do all this legwork and have him not like something. Our compromise was that there are no more ‘No’s,’ just other options, there must be constructive help.

I also let him know that while I’m sure he didn’t intend it as such, it made me feel like him not caring about the planning or helping me was demonstrative of him not caring about getting married to me. Once he saw that it’s a LOT of work and that I was researching all of this stuff (it’s not like I’ve planned a wedding before, and he’s just as capable of using Google) he’s been much more helpful and much more agreeable if it’s something that he doens’t care enough about to do his own research on. 

It seems that there is a lot of time before your wedding yet. I’d nail down the big things like venues, and then take a bit of a slow down or have ‘no wedding talk’ days. Maybe think of a few ways that you’d really appreciate his help, and a few ways to make you feel better about the process, and then talk with him and let him know your needs. This way, you can also find out what is important to him vs what he’d rather just let you handle because it’s not a priority to him. My stress level is WAY down since we’ve had a talk. 

Post # 5
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My Fiance was annoyed at first too. Once I dragged him along to a couple potential venues to look around, and to talk with the photographer, he started getting into it a little. However, I only saw a couple venues, but I didn’t take Fiance to any except the ceremony and reception locations that I was pretty sure I wanted- this way he isn’t seeing a ton. Most guys see one and say, “Looks nice, let’s do it” and don’t think about planning details, and get annoyed when we’re not satisfied at the first location 😛

I’ve found that it’s best if most of the time, skip the wedding talk, unless you need his input. I make sure that I go a day or two (or more) at a time without saying ANYTHING about the wedding. If I go to long without mentioning it, sometimes he brings it up. Otherwise, it’s nice to just have time as a couple, the way things were before the engagement, free of planning stress.

Your wedding is a ways off, so get the big things booked and then take everything slowly so you are able to give it a break sometimes.

ETA: Forgot to say, that I love planning and I love bouncing ideas off people- so I go to my mom or BMs (if you don’t have them picked find some friends that are potential BMs) when I really want to talk.

Post # 8
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I went through this! My Fiance and I are having a long engagement (we got engaged in August 2010 and our wedding is in June 2012). When we first got engaged, I was all ready to jump in and start planning. I wanted to get our reception venue and photographer nailed down. Fiance didn’t understand this, he wanted to enjoy being engaged. He didn’t think that we needed to seriously start booking things until summer 2011!

  I had to explain to him that June is a popular month, and since we have a long engagement, we should take advantage of some things. We booked our reception venue in November 2010 (they guaranteed 2010 pricing for 2012–score!), and we booked our photographer in December 2010. We actually missed out on our first choice photographer. They had already booked our date! That gave Fiance a bit of a reality check. After getting those two things nailed down, I just did research and gave us until this past summer. Now that we are closer, he is much more into planning. Sometimes, it just takes the guys a little bit to get into it.


Post # 9
484 posts
Helper bee

Just posted this in what I think is a double post so since this seems to be the active thread I figured I’d post it here:

Yep! My FH told me the other day that he doesn’t want to talk about the wedding because we used to talk about loads of other stuff and he feels like we’re losing that connection – he even said that at this rate he’d be waiting at the altar for someone he used to have a connection with. OUCH. We’ve only been planning for 3 months and still have 20-odd months to go. I’m not even actively planning things, just getting ideas together for reception and ceremony details. It would be helpful if he wasn’t the only person here I can talk to about the wedding because I live in a city of workaholics who sneer at such frivolous things like a wedding. Ugh.

Post # 10
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Your wedding is in 2013 and you are already “mentally, emotionally and physically drained”?  This is not good. And that is an understatement.

I’m sorry, but I will side with your Fiance here.  If you and I were engaged and our wedding was almost 2 years away and wedding planning was ALL you talked about, I would get irritated, too.  He probably thinks “If this is how she is now, what will it be like when the wedding day gets closer?” 

Take a step back, breathe in, breathe out, and then focus on the important part of this wedding: Your and FI’s relationship. Go on a date together, do something fun, and don’t mention the wedding at all.  Show him that your life together will be great.

You have plenty of time to be stressed about the wedding.  Relax, you will be fine! And when the time comes and you feel overwhelmed, just divvy up the work and give your Fiance a honey-do list. After all, as you say, HE is the one who wants a wedding.

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