FH doesn't check in when he promises 'VENT"

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4411 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@misstreebee:  Why don’t you just call him or text him to find out if he needs you to pick him up at the train or if you can go to bed?

Honestly, it would bug me too. DH doesn’t always let me know that he’s stopping off for a drink after work, which is a pain when it comes to planning dinner. 

Post # 5
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

frankly id turn off my phone and go to bed after sending him a message saying i needed to know *now* if he needed a lift

yes it would irritate me, but i wouldnt stay up stressing about it. 

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@misstreebee:  This would drive me nuts and I really don’t think I would tolerate it. I’d tell him to have some consideration and remember that our relationship is the priority regardless of where he is. Does he ignore your calls/texts, or have you not tried that yet? My FI over checks in but I find it sweet. I don’t take well to being ignored.

Post # 8
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My husband is horrible about answering texts AND calls, and I too do the “worse-case-scenarios” in my head. It irritates me, but I’ve learned to live with it – if he’s not going to answer the first few times, he isn’t going to answer the 20th time (I don’t go that extreme!). I’d do what others said, text him one last time, and go to bed.

My husband wouldn’t answer if he needed a ride home once or not, this was before we were married, and I was already in bed by the time he wanted a ride. I told him if he wanted to come home, he could walk. It was only about a ten minute walk, but it was snowing. I felt kind of bad at first, but served him right!

Post # 9
Member
6506 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I feel you. DH will say he will check in and when he doesn’t I start to worry. I really don’t care if he stays out late but it drives me nuts that he can’t send a simple text to let me know. I am always playing the worst case scenario in my head and freaking out that he got into some kind of accident. 

Post # 10
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee

@misstreebee:  This would bother me too, so you’re not alone. Sometimes my SO doesn’t answer, but that’s because he hangs out at loud sports bars and his jeans are somewhat baggy. I can forgive the not picking up, but I would be worried sick if he didn’t check in at all.

Post # 11
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I Get annoyed with women who “worry” when their SO doesn’t check in. He’s grown ass man, what is going to happen to him at a baseball game? Nothing. It’s a control tactic. 

With that said, if he’s depending on me for a ride, I better get a prompt answer. I’m not a taxi. 

Post # 12
Member
989 posts
Busy bee

@misstreebee:  SO goes out on occasion. Sometimes he checks in numerous times, at other times, he’s totally absorbed in whatever game he’s watching/playing pool/talking guy stuff and I won’t hear from him. It is nice when he checks in, but it’s not mandatory. I know I’ll hear from him eventually – I never initiate contact when he’s out though. I only get annoyed when he’s out late on a weeknight – a couple of weeks ago, he caught up with a mate to watch the rugby. He called at 10pm and said he’d be leaving the pub soon. He called at 11.15 and said he’d be leaving soon – I asked when ‘soon’ was because I was tired, we only have 1 set of keys and I wasn’t leaving the doors unlocked while I slept! If we had 2 sets of keys, I wouldn’t have cared, but I had to let him in so I was a little annoyed. Weekends – doesn’t matter if he stays out till 4am, but don’t mess with my weeknight sleep!!

 

Post # 13
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

DH did this the other day!!  It drives me nuts, I feel like if something actually happened to him then I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference!!!  

Post # 14
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@misstreebee:  I am JUST like you. We’ve had to be over this a million times because he sort of assumed it meant I want to control what he does… but I don’t! Not in the least! I largely don’t care what he does or how long he’s out or whatever, I just want to *know.* He was terrible about it in the beginning but he’s come to understand how I feel and has gotten much more sympathetic and consistent about keeping in touch.

@JLR1982:  I swear it’s not. I’m a worrier too, and it’s not about control, it’s just about fearing the worst even irrationally. I don’t need him to do as I say all the time or ask permission for anything. Just keep me reasonably informed. Is it really so controlling?

Post # 15
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Bebealways:  I think so. You’re not his parole officer or his mom and he shouldn’t have to check in because of YOUR overactive worrying. JMO. 

 

Post # 16
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JLR1982:  It’s not like I yell at him or get all bossy if he doesn’t do it. I don’t like it if he forgets but I don’t harass him about that. I just ask him nicely and now that he gets my motive, it’s almost always no sweat, we text a lot naturally anyway. He expects the same from me when I’m out and about, it’s just more pleasant for both of us. I just don’t get why it’s bad at all.

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