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For some reason FH and I got on the subject of wearing our wedding rings. He doesnt wear jewelry, never has. He said he doesnt want a ring because he wont wear it. He said it would feel awkward with a ring on his hand. I find that very offensive. If your married, you need to wear your ring. Its a symbol of committment. Yes you should be committed without the ring, but its just the point.
Am I overreacting? What would you do or say to make him wear it?
I don't think you're overreacting, but everyone shows their commitment outwardly in different ways. Is there a compromise you all could come to? I, personally, get offended when I see married men not wearing rings, but I know some can't because they work with their hands or with electronics or something like that. He still needs to own a ring, and you all should still exchange them at the wedding. What he does after that is up to the two of you.
I would tell him that it is important to you that he wear it because it is an outward symbol to others that he is committed to someone.
When he says that it would feel awkward, does that mean he thinks it's uncomfortable to wear? If so, let him know that there are plenty of comfortable rings out there and he should make an effort to get used to it. I'm sure if he gives it a chance he might not even notice he's wearing one after a while.
I'm with @Maestro. I get a little peeved when I know men who are married don't wear their rings.
My FI doesn't wear jewelry either but he is planning on wearing his ring. However, he is a Fire Marshal, so in certain instances (investigating a fire) he will not wear it because of work.
There are some very cool looking men's wedding bands out there. Check out tungsten.
What type of job does he have. My Husband doesn't complain, but we bought him a chain to put it on while he's at work. He's a plumber and it would be unsafe for him to wear it on his finger. He wears it on his finger at all other times though.
Also, there are really some cool rings out there. I'm sure he could find something he wouldn't mind wearing. Let him pick it out maybe he'll like the idea of wearing it more.
I think he's selfish and I would totally be offended. The ring does symbolize his commitment. He needs to get over it. A lot of guys never wear jewelry until they get married.
Tell him he needs to wear it when he's out, if he's home he can take it off.
I have seen a lot of men who opt not to wear the ring. It bothers me too. My FI plans on wearing it though he's not the jewelry type either. But like you said, that's not the point. I'd tell him that it hurts your feelings that he doesn't want to wear it. This would be a fight I'd have to win!
Sorry gotta add one thing. If he gets the cushion cut, that's supposed to be the most comfortable.
well i will chime in and say that i know quite a few married men who do not wear rings. i don't think it necessarily says anything bad other than they don't like jewelry.
that being said... if it bothers you that he wont, then you two need to come to some sort of compromise. if he gets something like a titanium ring, they are very light and comfortable.
I know some people choose not to do the whole rings thing, but I am not one of them. I've heard of people not doing rings on here, and on TV, but that's just not reality where I live. I've never known anyone who got married that didn't wear a ring. If my FI said he didn't plan on wearing a wedding ring...that's just not OK for me LOL.
If a married couple decides they don't want to have rings I think that's totally fine. But eeeek, I'd never thought about if one person wanted one and the other didn't. That's tough. I have no idea what I would do if I were in your position, so I really don't even know what to say here...sorry!!
I know a few married men that don't wear their wedding band. I don't think it makes you less married... but I also think that he should at least own a ring. Some of the guys I know that don't wear their bands will put them on for "special occasions." maybe that could be a compromise?
I can understand why you would be upset about this. My FI doesn't wear jewelry either, but I think he is excited about getting to pick out his ring. I would definitely be hurt too if he decided he didn't want to wear his ring unless it was purely for work reasons and only during work times (he has so many projects and such, I can understand that he wouldn't want to wear it when working with certain materials but I would think he'd put it back on after he was done). Maybe you can talk to him a little more about why he doesn't want to wear one? I think that just based on that he doesn't like things on his hands - he'll get used to that if he tries. Explain to him that it's an outward expression of his comittment to you and the marriage and that it's important to you that he wears it.
Bella
i also know of a lot of men who don't wear rings that are married. my dad doesn't wear his. neither does my grandpa. doesn't make them any less married or committed. they just simply don't like jewelry.
here's some pics
Just a few ideas of the different stuff that's out there.
This would definitely bother me. I'll probably sound like a 'zilla saying this but I would totally make him wear it.
That would bother me too. Hubby wasnt a big jewelry person either, but he still wears his wedding ring proudly. Maybe if you and FI go try some rings on, he might actually like how it looks? He doesn't have to get diamonds or anything, and there are actually really slick looking men's rings. Hubby really liked THIS one, but it didn't come in his size. THIS one is similar as well. I would definitely still get him one, and if he really really really hates it, I would ask him to at least maybe wear it to get togethers and "fancy" events and such. idk, it would bother me. i know it's silly, but it might have even been a deal breaker for me... Are you changing your last name to his? How would he feel if you didnt?
Also, how would he feel if you didn't wear your rings? Would he shrug it off and be OK with that, or would it make him uncomfortable? Might be something to bring up.
And, I guess, to be fair I suppose, men didn't start wearing wedding bands at all until WWII.
@Corgi...I am agreeing with you. I don't think he is being selfish, just stating his viewpoint. My FI will be wearing a ring but I gave him the option of not wearing one if he wanted. He looked at me like I was crazy...he is looking forward to wearing a ring =)
I will say that neither of my parents wear their wedding bands. They wore them at the ceremony and according to them about a month after that...then they just stopped...(they have been married for over 37 years).
So with or without the ring...he will still be married to you...
My FI was the exact same way - Never wears any jewelry and has big knuckles- both of our father's didn't wear wedding rings also so he used that against me; however, i told him that it was REALLY important to me and he said ok but we would have to find something that was comfortable and would fit over his knuckle. When we started looking for rings he got really into it so I think I have sold him!
Just tell him how important it is to you and then let him choose his own ring and hopefully he will come around!
Good Luck!
This is a battle I would totally fight, if it's really important to you. It is for me - I didn't really feel 100% comfortable changing my name, but I knew it was REALLY important to him, so I did it. If he told me he didn't really want to wear his wedding ring because it's uncomfortable, I would start listing off everything involved in the process of changing my name, and telling him how uncomfortable that is.
Maybe he doesn't understand the meaning this holds for you - I would explain it to him, and suggest going to some jewellry stores together to try some different types of rings on.
It bothers me, too. My dad has never worn his ring as long as my parents have been married and I've always thought that was just sending the wrong message... like everyone else has said, I would just have an open conversation with him and let him know why it means so much to you.
My dad never wore a wedding ring. I never thought anything of it. in fact, I didn't even notice that men wear wedding rings until i got much older. A lot of my coworkers don't wear rings, also, because they work with their hands (like my dad did). So, to me, it's not offensive, it just makes sense NOT to wear one. It's dangerous...plus, a lot of guys just take their rings off at work and set them down. So if you MAKE your FI wear his, he'll probably end up taking it off anyways and then losing it!
I dont' think it's a big deal if someone's husband doesn't wear a ring and I certainly woudln't think "ohhh why isn't he wearing one?" because to me, it's like the woman NOT changing her name. It doesn't send the wrong message, IMO, that she is less committed. No big deal--it's just a symbol of a committment, not the actual committment itself.
Ask him to wear it for a month and get used to it. If it still bothers him, don't make him wear it--get one super thin or something to try to make it comfortable. But don't just force him to wear it...otherwise he'll get irritated that you're nagging him so much. Try to approach the situation at how much it means to you for him to TRY to get used to it. After a month he won't even notice it!
We had this same argument months ago. We decided that in addition to the ring, I bought him a very nice leather necklace that he wears his ring on. This was our compromise. I'm hoping I can talk him into wearing it for more formal events on his finger, we'll see.
I know so many men that dont wear rings, and I find it insulting to their wives. If we wear our rings proudly, so should they. When he first said it, I literally almost fell out of my chair. I never though that would be an issue. You get married, you wear a ring, end of story. At first I tried to figure out why he felt he didnt need to wear one. He is in sales, so their is no reason for him not to because of his job. He said he has never worn jewelry before and it would be uncomfortable on his hand to wear. I told him their are plenty of rings that are "manly" and comfortable. He agreed to look but he wont wear it.
I brought it up that if he didnt wear his ring, I wouldnt wear mine. He didnt like that comment at all. He said that is rude, all the money he spent on the ring for me not to wear it. That he would be offended. I told him that is exactly how I felt and I felt that he must wear the ring, no ifs ands or buts. He brushed it off and we havent talked about it since.
It really bothers me. This is one of those things, I refuse to budge on. Your married- your wearing your ring, period.
oh and yes I am changing my name to his. I feel that is something that is important and I have no reason to keep my last name. He would be completely offended if I didnt change my name.
A buddy of his was with his gf for 9 years before they went to vegas and finally eloped. She refused to take his last name because she is a lawyer and has her own firm. He flipped, said it was very important to him and she finally changed it. My FH commented that is something that shouldnt even be an arguement. The woman takes the mans last name, period. That is how I feel about the rings, so maybe Ill pull a bridezilla and say I wont change my name until you wear your ring :) ha
@MrsCox....I think you may have to compromise on this one. The difference between you not wearing one and him not wearing one (based on your comments) is this.
You WANTED an e-ring and wedding band and he doesn't. IMO it WOULD be rude not to wear something that he purchased b/c you wanted it. Especially when it's being done just to prove a point.
He doesn't want a wedding band and has been upfront about that thereby saving you the trouble of purchasing something that he doesn't want.
Maybe he can wear one when he is with you, or wear it around his neck as some of the other's posted. I also remember one bride to be stating that she had a momento (I think it was a shark's tooth) made into a pendant her FH could wear on a chain.
If your FI is this adamant about not wearing a ring...and you are this adamant about him wearing one...somebody has to budge....
Ah.. excuses.. excuses and excuses! A married man who would not wear them are not totally committed! Period! -Ian
My FI is the same in that he wears NO jewelry, but he wants to wear a ring - we decided that he could find one that he likes, and it's really simple and very him.
Really, all he needs is a band, nice, light and he won't even notice it. I think he should compromise with you.
My husband had never worn jewlery before but is happy to wear a wedding band as a symbol of commitment. We got him a "comfort fit" band (I'm sure each jewlery store has their own name for it) but the point is, it feels great when warn and he barely notices it!
My dad and grandmpa also don't wear their rings. I don't see a big deal with it. I really think our generation has gotten a bit too attached to marking our property and worrying about little things like whether or not our guys are wearing rings. Now if he doesn't wear a ring so he can hit on women, that's a whole other can of worms.
Would I like my FI to wear his ring, yes. And I going to pitch a fit if he doesn't, nope.
Ian i disagree. We have been together for almost 6 years and their has never been a trust issue. He isnt like that, he is completely committed and our lives our completely one. We have a house together, we do everything together.
Whoa whoa Ian...I am 100% for men wearing wedding rings, because that's what I'm used to. But for people that choose not to, it's just another piece of jewelry. That doesn't make someone any committed than the next person.
My FI tried saying that when we went to look at rings for me. I told him to look at things he liked for himself, too and he said he wasn't going to wear one. I looked at him point blankly and said, "I don't think so, you're wearing one." I told him it's important to me and he agreed to wear one. I think you just have to tell him it means a lot to you.
I knew a gal who had the same problem as you. She just gave up. After a yr or two of being married, one of her husband's best friends noticed that her husband wasn't wearing the ring, and he was shocked and gave her husband a lecture. They were all present. Afterwards, he started wearing the ring. I think your husband jsut needs to hear it from another person's perspective (his good friend and/or relatives) in order to understand that it's not "your personal" pet peeve but it's something grander than that. Good luck!
My husband has a hard time remembering to wear his still. I usually have to bother him to wear it when we go out but when he goes to work, everyone there knows that he is married so I'm not really too worried about that. It isn't that he doesn't want to remember, he just has a really bad memory.
I dunno I think that wearing of wedding bands is very imporant to me it is an outward symbol of your inward love and commitment for each other.
Well my FH wants a ring but will not be able to wear it most of the time he is a Fireman /EMT & work just makes it not practical or not safe for him to wear a ring,
We have discussed the idea of getting a simple band tattoo'd on .. I love this idea but I am already the one tat'd up FH has NO tats or piercings so i highly doubt he will get one.
Hmm, I would be offended if my husband didn't want to wear his ring. Not that it would make him any less of a husband, but the ring is such a small thing to have to deal with, that I would wonder what was so bad about it that he wouldn't want to wear it. Being "uncomfortable" seems kind of a cop-out to me.
Most men aren't used to jewelry. My husband never wore any in all his life, but he found the ring easy to get used to, and is proud to wear it. He said that when he looks at it, it's a reminder of the vows we took, and it makes him happy. He also says that he barely even feels it anymore. There are SO many rings out there for guys now that I'm positive he could find one that he woul dlike to wear everyday.
I think if your FH's argument was that he didn't feel it was necessary to have a ring on his finger to prove his comittment to you, that might be excuse. But the "I don't wanna" thing is a little hurtful if you ask me.
My father is probably the most devoted husband out there, and he didn't wear his ring for 25 years because it annoyed him to wear jewelry. When my parents renewed their vows for their 25th anniversary, his gift to my mother was that he would give wearing the ring a real shot. He still wears it but I can tell it's mostly for her and not because wearing a ring is comortable for him lol
interesting. i dont wear my ring or ering most days...just on the weekend, if i remember. does that make me less committed? am i being selfish?
if he isnt comfortable wearing jewelry, he isnt comfortable. if the ring could cause a safety issue while at work, he isnt gonna wear the ring. whats the big deal. i think sometimes women read too much into symbolism. the ring is one of many symbols of marriage, not the only, and frankly, not the most important.
all you can do is explain your desire for him to wear the ring and hope he takes it to heart. go together to try on rings and he may find one that is really comfortable. we had to have my husbands band custom made to fit properly and he wears it everyday, sometimes at the gym and in the shower.
Honestly, it's a symbol, and symbols are what you decide they are. The ring is only important if you decide it is. So, if it's important to you, it's something to negotiate with your fiance about, but there's no reason to assume that men who don't want to wear rings aren't really committed or are makeing that decision in bad faith. It probably just isn't a very meaningful symbol to them.
My husband and I aren't wearing rings - him because he doesn't like the feeling of it on his hand, and me because I have a very "public" profession, and I just don't like having something that's part of my personal life on display in it. I don't like the people I interact with professionally being able to read my marital status off my hand. This is especially true because I think that, in my profession, married women are often taken less seriously (I have some female friends who wear rings, but take them off for job interviews because of this!). We aren't any less committed because of this choice. In fact, we chose to exchange other jewelry as well (necklace for me, watch for him) so that we still have something to remind ourselves of each other. It's not a public symbol, but for me the public is less important than the private reminder.
I also have an engagement ring that I wear only for special occasions, because I lose things like it's my job and I'm terrified of leaving this gorgeous heirloom diamond by a sink somewhere!
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