Post # 1
so, im new to all this and i have a ton of stresses and question (bare with me, please)
my fh and his family dont get along, we are going to the courthouse to get married but we are throwing a bbq/ reception party the next day and the only person who is coming from his family is his mom. his dad and his brother dont even seem to care that we are getting married and his mom is in her own world, they havent even really asked about it. i just always pictured having my future husbands family and friends to be happy and excited for us and want to help out and be there, however they dont even acknowledge it. now we have been togather for 6 years but still, i want the big excitement feeling and on top of that, my friends seem as uninterested as his family does, my bf hasnt offfered to go shopping with me or anything, when i tell them my stresses they kinda blow it off and talk about “their problems” with kids, work, etc..our “big day” is in exactly two months and i feel like im all alone in this sometimes. has anyone else went through this and if so , how did you react and what did you do?
Post # 3
I think sometimes when you do things a little untraditionally – it takes some of the typical excitement away from it. Meaning – maybe because you are getting married in a courthouse, your friends are treating the whole experience more casually… even though, I totally get why you want that ‘big day’ excitement, feeling.
My DH’s family wasn’t terribly involved in planning and his brother’s family didn’t attend the wedding nor did a lot of his aunts/uncles. It really bummed me out – more for him than anyone else. But, he understood why they weren’t there and he was able to enjoy the wedding regardless.
I think when you depend on others excitement / response for that ‘big day’ feeling, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE DISAPPOINTED.
IMO, that feeling has to come from you and what this commitment means to you.
I get that it’s disappointing to not have others to cheer you along the way… but the reality seems that more people are just trying to cope with their own life, etc., and the wedding (while I’m sure they are happy for you), is just another event.
Is there anyone in your life you can ask to do little things with? Meaning – not have them offer, but say: hey, would you go do “X” with me??
Post # 4
well, my sister has said she would help doing table arrangements and my aunt bought my little “dress” ( its more of a summer dress but its white and short) my mom lives out of town and my dad passed away 7 years ago so its a little dissapointing not to have them there and i think my best friend has a little resentment bc last year my boyfriend planned a trip to atlanta and a braves game and he had already reserved everything and then she told me her baby shower was the same day 🙁 and he proposed to me in atl the same day as her baby shower so i think she feels like i didnt care about her but i couldnt say no to him bc i figured he was gonna ask me there bc i ALWAYS wanted to go ( it was romantic :))but she didnt seem to care . it was a bad situation to be in and i think she holds that against me
Post # 5
I feel the same way.
I am not doing the courthouse thing and we see FI’s family alot, but they seem to have no interest either. Like they never ask me questions about stuff (wedding or anything actually). They didn’t seem excited or happy that we got engaged they are just like “yah whatever” about it. We haven’t talked anything about it and we have been engaged for 6 months.
I am not sure if this is ok or not. FI says that is just the way they are. They are very reserved and “private” so I assume that they care but don’t show it. I guess some people are like that and don’t realize what they are doing.
Post # 6
I have 6 words for you… Keep your eye on the prize. I have to tell myself this often and that means that just remind yourself why you are doing this. You are doing this because you are both madly in love with each other and you want to proclaim your love out loud and be with each other forever and ever. My FI family isnt too into this either and my bm’s… well, I will save that for another post. I feel like we have been doing this all by ourselves and if I need help, I feel like I have to beg for it. When I started planning, I had this vision of everyone being sooo happy for us and people would cry and cheer because they are so happy for us. That was a little unrealistic. People are busy and they just always seem to have other things on their mind. It sucks, but its the truth. So, now everything I do I do it for him. I make the centerpieces perfect for him, the folded napkins are for him, my painstaking Aisle runner is for him and it makes it all worth while. You cant make people be excited, but you can plan the best day for you and your FH.
I wanted my BM’s to get more involved but I didnt want to ask them, I wanted them to want to be involved. That was just a crazy thought, so I planned a BM meeting where I sat down with them and told them what is expected of them and where they need to be and they accepted it. I also wanted to have nice pictures with my BM’s, like the ones you see where everyone looks amazing with their matching dresses and in that moment, all the drama is gone. So, im going to put up with their BS for a little while longer just so I can have those amazing pictures and those perfect memories for my sake, not theirs.
This wedding will be as great as you let it be. You will not please everyone but you can please yourself and Im sure your FH will be pleased as well and in the end, those are the only 2 people that matter. Hope this helps.
Post # 7
Is it OK that my FFI’s family cares more about my wedding that my OWN family? maybe bacause engagement is not official yet? but, my sister and mother are beeing SOO mean to me and him 🙁 (sorry… vent)
Post # 8
@MissHighHeel: This sounds like a page out of my own book!!!
His family doesn’t seem at all interested in details of the wedding or helping out in any way. When is brother and sister-in law got married two years ago they were beyond excited and involved in all the details, a very drastic difference. While at first I was a bit insulted and took it personally I think now it’s more a difference in personalities.
I’m a bit over the top when it comes to fashion, spending etc and they are a bit more simple and reserved. I think my idea of what I want for our wedding is more than they can fathom and they just cannot relate. You should have seen the look on their face when I told them I hired a videographer (they wanted to use their aunt and a simple camcorder!!!).
In the end I am sure they will come around but for now things are strange. I just keep plodding along with the plans and hoping they will jump on the excitement bandwagon sooner rather than later.