(Closed) FH found out about my ex contacting me. (Long, sorry.)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

so its ok for him to talk to his ex and hang out with her, and discuss unappropriate things but your not allowed to have a harmless conversation? If he is being paranoid like that it would make me wonder about him to be honest

Post # 4
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh, gosh, the issue here is not the message he found from your ex but the constant contact he has with his. Why is he “allowed” this contact with her and you’re not allowed an innocent message. You use the word “vengeful”. Do you think that’s what you’re doing? Taking revenge for his (in my opinion) inappropriate relationship with his ex?

He has to seriously cut ties with his ex to make your relationship grow and flourish. That’s all I see in your post. Big hugs to you.

Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Miss Feather: totally agree with this!! Most times, when they flip over something like this, but they are also doing something wrong that’s worse, they try to put it on you because they feel guilty themselves.

I was thinking about you, because weren’t you the one posting about your FI being a beligerent racist a**hole?? IF not, I’m sorry, but it so, I’m not sure why you are still with him given your values and the way he acts…

Post # 6
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MrsSl82be:

That’s right. It is the same poster.

@SouthernGirl:

Please just have the courage to leave him. You deserve so much better.

Post # 7
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with PPs. It sounds really off to me that he thinks it’s fine for him to have so much contact with his ex (and to talk about SUCH inappropriate things with her, and to you about her!), and yet you are not allowed a simple, “Hi, how ya doin’?” email with yours.

I don’t know about the other thread that the PPs mentioned, but based on your post in this thread alone, this guy sounds like trouble.

Post # 8
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with @MrsSl82be- I remember that other post, too. I don’t have very good feelings about your FI. 🙁

I think it is very unfair and incongruous for him to still have constant contact with his ex and you are questioned about a simple “hi, how are ya” from yours.

The jealousy issues are startlingly bad. You should never have to explain your reasonings for going tanning/dying your hair/painting your nails/etc…ever! Don’t allow yourself to get into the habit of feeling like you have to explain these things.

How frustrating!!! I hate that you’re having to deal with this type of behaviour from your FI!

Post # 8
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow, I just found and read your other post. Sweetie, I hope that you’re taking steps to either get into counseling with him, or working up your nerve to leave him. It sounds like a really bad situation that you’re in. 🙁

Post # 9
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Imma just come out and say it. You did nothing wrong, his reaction and violation of your privacy on the other hand, big problem. Esp with how he acts with his ex. I’m sorry to be so blunt and say this but are you sure he is not still with her if you catch my drift? In my experiance men who act like this are overcompensating for their own guilty behavior. (women as well) 

My FI and I have a very trusting relationship but we also talk about things like exes contacting us openly. And no disrespect, but if my FIs ex acted like that the conversation would go: I trust you but I dont trust her, and I really dont appreciate her making moves on you when she knows you are with me, nor do I appreciate hearing about your sexual escapades with her or anyother woman. Either both of you modify your behavior or I would really like you to break off contact with her for my sake. Just saying. 

I think this is something you two really need to sit down and talk about, and discuss why he has been acting so suspicios of you and why he flipped out like he did, and why he was reading your fb messages as well. 

Post # 10
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Just_Squeeze: I thought so, I remembered the avatar. 

Ugh, OP this sucks, but honestly, I really believe that he is the guilty one, and you need to just walk away from this. You will find someone who treats you wonderfully, shares your values, and isn’t a racist and homophobic pig, and wonder why you didn’t walk away sooner.

Post # 11
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

Yep, In full agreement with the PP.  he is projecting his guilt on to you. He is doing sketchy things with his ex so he assumes you are with yours too.

This guy doesn’t sound worthy of you.  I hope for the straw to break the camels back for you soon!

Post # 12
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The best and ONLY way to handle this particular situation that you are in is to kick hiss @ss to the curb. Don’t even THINK about it. Just do it. That’ll be the best thing you would’ve ever done. (I speak from experience with an ex similar to your ‘FH’.)

Post # 13
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I can’t really figure out why you’d consider this person worthy of being your future husband considering your posts about him. Maybe you’re just venting I don’t know, but sometimes venting needs to stop and action needs to start. I really hope you can do what you know is best for you.

Post # 14
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Just_Squeeze: I fourth this. Or whatever number I am. Just, yes, a thousand times yes, you can do better.

Post # 15
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Agreed with all the PPs. I think that there was a reason the wedding had to be postponed, and from the thread you posted last week, I think you shouldn’t even contemplate whether to leave him or not.

Leave him. Seriously.

Any of these instances by themselves could be him having a bad day or something he feels threatened about. But put them all together? Racist? Disrespectful? Jealousy issues? Controlling? Manipulative? Hypocritical? Not willing to compromise?

I’m sure you needed to vent, but honestly, does he ever make you happy anymore? From some of the things you described, I wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole. He sounds like he doesn’t trust you at all, is controlling and sees you as a thing instead of a beautiful woman he loves and cares for, and could care less about being a team with you.

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