Post # 1
Background: We have been engaged for about 3 months, my FH’s grandma gave him a diamond for my engagment ring. About a month ago, I finished graduate school and my whole family came in for the graduation weekend. We all went out to dinner after (including my FH’s family and grandma). The following day, my mom and I planned a graduation party. We emailed out the invitations and I asked my FH’s mom to invite his grandmother because she doesnt have email. Well my FH’s mom never invited grandma.
Now grandma is mad at me and is telling everyone who will listen how angry she is at me! I feel like I am put in an awkward position and dont know what to do to make it up to her. My FH and his sister feel like grandma always does this and she will get over it. But I do not think its okay to ignore the fact that grandma is pissed at me.
I am thinking of stopping by with flowers, an extra invitiation to our upcoming engagment party and strait out appologizing about the miscommunication. What do you think?
Post # 3
It definitely sounds like the best approach is a stright-forward apology. You and FH could go together or you could go alone. Just explain that she was not forgotten, but that you should have invited her personally instead of relying on someone else to do it for you.
The only other suggestion I might make is to consider whether you need to call before you drop by. FH should be a good resource for whether you need to call first or not.
Post # 4
Yes, yes, yes! You’ve got exactly the right idea. Flowers, a heartfelt apology, and an invitation should do it. Grandma doesn’t know about the miscommunication and so seems justifiably upset. I think she’ll understand; she obviously wants to welcome you to the family having provided the diamond for your engagement ring. Talk it out; it’ll be something to laugh about while you plan the wedding.
Post # 5
That is a tough situation. Honestly, it isnt as if you intentionally didnt invite her, and I think you need to reiterate that to her when you do stop by. Explain to her that the invites were via email, and since she didnt have email, lines got crossed and there was some miscommunication with whom had told her about the party. I wouldnt directly blame it on any one person. If she is still mad after that, there isnt much else you can do. We’re moving into a digital age where this type of situation will become more prevalent. Just apologize profusely and you” be ok
Post # 6
it was an honest mistake; sounds good apologize in person with flowers, if she’s still ticked off you did your best
Post # 7
Why hasn’t your FMIL helped to explain what happened since she was the one who was supposed to pass along the invite?
Post # 8
Soontobewalsh: Good flippin question! I was ticked off about that too.
Post # 9
Wow. First off, let me just say, totally inconsiderate on your FMIL’s part, not to own up for her mistake. That said, you probably shouldn’t make it seem like her fault when explaining to grandma, and in future, I would suggest phoning the grandmother to talk to her personally.
I think that you’re best of straight-out apologizing for the miscommunication, assuring her that OF COURSE she’s invited (throw in some "it just wouldn’t be the same without you!" sentiments). Flowers would be nice, but are not, in my book necessary.
What do you mean by an extra invitation? A +1, or just clarifying that she’s invited? I would say no to the former (unless she asks!), but definitely yes to the latter.
Post # 10
Wow, I can’t get over your FMIL not making this all better, at least for you. I guess I’m not as nice as other people. I would tell my Fi about the miscommunication, and either have him talk to his mom, to have her straighten things out with grandma. Or you and FI visit Grandma apologize and have him explain to her that most people were invited by e-mail, and since she doesn’t have e-mail, his mom was supposed to invite her, but forgot.
My guess is grandma is hard to please, and your FMIL doesn’t want to deal with her. (Is this your FFIL’s mother?) But that doesn’t make it right, for you to take the blame for something you didn’t do. Is it possible you and your FMIL had a miscommunication about her giving the invitations to grandma?
Post # 11
Tanya123: You are on it! My FMIL’s mother is hard to please and my FMIL doesnt want to deal with her. I agree that it is not right for me to take the blame but everyone in my FH’s family seems to think its okay to blow off grandma (that sounds awful). But its true. I cant get why my FMIL didnt step up so I feel like I have to. I cant relie on other people right now. As for the second invitation…we are having an engagment party this summer and I want to make sure she knows that she is invited.
What a relief it is to "talk" through this. Thank you for all of your comments!
Post # 12
Honestly, I think the first thing that needs to happen is your FI needs to talk to FMIL. He needs to tell her that she’s throwing you under the bus by letting you take the heat for her mistake, and he needs to tell her it’s unacceptable.
HOPEFULLY this will lead to FMIL apologizing to FGMIL for her mistake, but if not, I’d say do the flowers and offer a vague "there was a miscommunication in regards to your invite" so you aren’t throwing FMIL under the bus. Although that would be really satisifying, it wouldn’t help with your relationship with her.
Post # 13
I say just leave FMIL out of it b/c that will make the situation worse! If you don’t really have a problem with her about it, then it might be wise to not start one. Most grandma’s just want to be included anyways, so if you apologize to grandma then she will probably be fine. Tell her you are sorry and thought that she had been invited by FMIL. The flowers would be nice too. Maybe you could invite her to another wedding related activity in the future, besides the engagement party. Maybe a dress fitting or something. I think she would enjoy that! She probably just wants to share in your joy!