FH grandparents are racists!

posted 3 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

How would (whichever parent the GPs “belong” to) feel if they weren’t invited? If they think it would be better not to, maybe there’s your out. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to invite anyone who didn’t respect DH or I to our wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I have never experienced racism personally, so I cannot speak from experience. But even if your FH’s grandparents do attend the wedding, you will be surrounded by so many people who love and support you. Will it even matter if the grandparents don’t? 

Post # 5
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@TheMrsTulip:  +1

I think you should invite them, as long as they act civil and respectful, which it sounds like they do. They may not be outwardly warm and welcoming and supportive of you guys as a couple, but they are his grandparents. I would just politely ignore them throughout the day. 

Post # 6
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

@PrettyMrsB:  Speaking as someone that’s also in an interracial relationship, I feel like you should do what makes both of you feel comfortable.

They can be racist (attitude) and not prejudice (behavior). It’s one thing if they’re just not used to the idea (older generation). If they’ve ever said or done anything to offend either of you, then I wouldn’t invite them.

 

Post # 11
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@PrettyMrsB:  I wouldn’t invite them. But if you think about, why would they even accept in the first place, when they think the way they do? I’d be very surprised if I was in your situation, sent an invite anyway, and got an acceptance.

If you get invited to something and you know you’re going to be bah-humbugging all night, why in the hell would you even bother going? Shit stirrers indeed.

Post # 12
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

@PrettyMrsB:  Awww island folks! My mom is from Guyana 🙂

It’s always the worst when you know someone doesn’t like you and they’re just civil in person to save face. SO’s family is does the same thing, and it drives me nuts.

Have you considered talking to your FI about using the cost for their seats for your grandma’s trip? It doesn’t hurt to try! If he’s aware of the situation, and I’m sure he is, then maybe he’d be kind of relieved to do it. 

Post # 13
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

If your wedding is in June, have you thought about singing up for a frequent flyer mile credit card-you might be able to fly them over for free! We converted Southwest miles to Air Tran, and will have flown twice to Jamaica for free within the year.

Depending on the size of your wedding, it can be really easy to ignore people. I agree with PPs-you’ll probably be focusing more on the love you’re receiving, than these two ignorants.

 

Post # 14
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

@PrettyMrsB:  I think you should invite them. Be the “bigger person.”   This may be your opportunity to help them overcome their biases.  It appears they are trying to be civil. 

Post # 15
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

@PrettyMrsB:  

I didn’t, but my sister did.  Her husband’s mother was very upset that he wasn’t marrying a nice Chinese girl (she’s Caucasian).  Everyone was behaved for the wedding, but months after he eventaully had to tell his mother to back off.  The ultimate irony here is that her husband is Caucasian…

I’m sorry you have this hanging over your head.  Can his parent(s) run interference?

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