Post # 1
FH and I went to high school together, so we know a lot of the same people and have several of the same friends. While we were going over the guest lists and editing them, FH tells me he wants to invite, “Liz”, to the wedding.
I was honestly a little surprised. “Liz” is one of the people I expected to not be invited, all things considered.
See, before FH and I moved in together, he was living alone and we were an hour apart. “Liz” was always with him, always showing up at his place unannounced. She tried to get him to cheat on me. Multiple times. Which he didn’t, but still. She spent the first year of our relationship bashing me, saying I was a bad person and a horrible influence.
Now, my issues with this girl go all the way back to 4th grade. My father has just passed away right before the school year, and of course, people were giving me their sympathies and the like. She made several rude comments, one of which that basically stated that I was probably lying about my dad dying so I could get the attention…
Things like this continued on into our high school years… And I just don’t know that she wouldn’t do something to try to mess it up.
FH says he wants to invite her because he was the only friend he had when he first went to college, and I don’t want her invited because of all the years of her being just downright cruel to me.
I don’t know what to do without getting into an argument about it.
Post # 3
It looks like you might have to risk an argument to get your point across. This woman should NOT be invited to your wedding when she blatantly disrespects you and your relationship. I think you might have to just put your foot down on this and tell him, point-blank, “No.”
Post # 4
Flip the situation for him – ask him how he would feel if you wanted to invite a guy who hit on you frequently even when you had been with your now FI and wanted to you cheat. What if this guy frequently tried to get you to break up with him etc. Would he be comfortable inviting this person?
Or you could say, if there was someone you were really uncomfortable inviting, I would not push the issue. Why is this more important than my feelings?
Post # 5
@Statutory Grape: I told him I don’t want her there, but of course, he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.
She doesn’t know when we’re getting married, we don’t have to tell her anything. We can tell her that we sent her an invite and it’s such a shame that she didn’t get it…
But FH seems sort of, firm, on this. At least for right now. I may be able to talk him out of it before we make our final guest list revision.
Post # 6
She tried to get him to cheat on you with her?? Umm…yeah. There’s no way this woman should be at your wedding. As Statutory Grape said, she completely disrespected you and your relationship! It’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t want her there and your feelings are completely valid.
I don’t see why this has to turn into an argument…if roles were reversed and you wanted to invite a guy who had once tried to hook up with you then I can’t see your FI being thrilled with having him there. The bottom line is that her presence will make you uncomfortable. Be honest with him about your feelings and it doesn’t have to turn into a fight. If an argument ensues then I again agree with Statutory Grape you need to put your foot down.
Post # 7
I may reconsider who you’re marrying. He sounds like a jerk if he really is inviting her- she doesn’t sound like an excellent friend. If my friend bashed my significant other and tried to get me to cheat- I’d say they crossed the frienship line. This is one of those things where you should even have to ask.
Post # 8
There’s a woman that did the same thing to FH and our relationship. She then bashed me in front of his co-workers who constantly ask him about his “bridezilla” yet they still want to come to the wedding? UH NO. At first, we were inviting everyone we could think of, then as the comments and what-not got worse we decided to have a family only event. I don’t need any more drama.
Post # 9
My fiance and I each ended up vetoing one person that the other wanted. I think it’s totally fair for you to have veto power for situations like this. I would never invite such a person to my wedding.
Post # 10
He doesn’t want to hurt “her” feelings?! WTH? He sure doesn’t seem to care about stomping all over “your” feelings for the benefit of his “friend.”
Ugh. I’d be giving serious thought to whether this guy is going to make good husband material.
Post # 11
Maybe he doesn’t realize by trying to look out for her feelings, he’s hurting yours? Ask him what’s more important to him– that her feelings aren’t hurt or that yours aren’t.
To me, this wouldn’t even be a matter of discussion. She was cruel to you for years and then tried to get your FH to cheat on you!? It’s outrageous that he would even think about inviting her.
I agree with @Statutory Grape: that you may have to risk an argument at this point– you don’t need the added stress of her attending your wedding and your FH essentially choosing her needs over yours. Crazy.
Post # 12
The wedding isn’t about HER feelings. Since she seems to despise you anyways she shouldn’t be that upset at not being invited.
Post # 13
Wasn’t there a situation like this a couple of weeks ago where a girl wanted her friend at a wedding and the groom didn’t want the friend there?
Anyways, I think that this is something that ought to be argued with your fiance. If this was some petty stuff I would say to find a way to deal with it BUT the occasions you have mentioned, that horrible first year and those comments that woman said after your father died…I would say something to my fiance. You don’t have to take that crap.
Post # 14
@Winter12: But FH seems sort of, firm, on this. At least for right now. I may be able to talk him out of it before we make our final guest list revision.
Don’t cave on this one…she sounds like a horrid person to the core ever since you were kids! Who in the world says that you are out for attention when your dad dies?!
You fiance should go out of his way to make YOU happy and not worry about some broad’s feelings that was rotten to you. In fact, he shouldn’t even be talking to her if she is this disrespectful and evil to you and your relationship!
If he still hold firm and insists on inviting her, then I say give him back the ring and have him give it to her!!
(Sorry to be harsh but situations like this really make my blood boil!)
Post # 15
@Rocketdog: Actually, that’s what I’d do if he wouldn’t budge, too.
Post # 16
Wow. I really feel like he is just trying to start an argument with this one, you need to tell him that if he wants her to be there then there won’t be a wedding…it is disrespectful to you for him to invite her. This is supposed to be one of the most wonderful days of both of your lives and if she is there then you won’t be thinking about anything but how much you dislike her and wish she would spill something on herself and leave…