- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I would be freaking out...but at the same time I would wonder if maybe he wasn't let go. If he has already undergone 4 pay cuts it is possible that the company is still in financial trouble. Perhaps he said he 'walked out' because he didn't want to admit that he got laid off.
Either way though you both need to take a deep breath and relax before making any big decisions. Perhaps he could look for a short term job (think fast food, retail) until the corrections stuff comes through. THat would help with bills and wedding savings.
As for wedding, give him a day or two before bringing it up again. You still have almost a year. Use this time to get creative with less expensive options.
::hugs:: you will get through this, both of you.
Absolutely I would be freaking out - and HAVE! We bought a house in July, FH proposed in August, left his job in November... similar reasons to your FH as well. I tried to be supportive as much as I could, but it weighed on me for quite a while! It took FH 6 months to find a new job. It wasn't easy, but you'll get through this.
Well...all I will say is I completely understand where your FI is coming from! I had a job that I walked out on to save my sanity. I had just bought a condo, had student loans, and some credit card debt when I walked away. I had been interviewing for months though and was waiting on a call back from those jobs. One night I went home and seriously contemplated killing myself since I had "death insurance" on my mortgage which said if I died then they would forgive the loan. My job made me so miserable and unhappy that I didn't even want to go on living! I woke up that morning, called my boss up, told him to shove the job up his a**, and smiled the rest of the day!
I worked full time at McDonald's for three weeks until I got a call back on the job I still have today and I never regretted one second quitting that job. Maybe he could get a temporary job doing something like that? They pay wasn't great, but they gave me $8/hr and food which was enough for me to pay the bills (I used some savings for my mortgage payment).
Let things blow over in time. Maybe you could scale back some details of the wedding, just so he feels like you care about him and are trying to make the most of the situation. It is really hard to understand how mentally down a horrible job can make you until you are staring at a bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of whiskey (not to say your FI was in as bad a place I was).
I'd totally freak out too! However, it sounds like he may be freaking out/feeling guilty and that's why he blew up at you about the wedding. I'd just focus on him getting a new/temporary job in order to pay your day-to-day bills and NOT mention the wedding. Yes, you guys have deposits, etc etc but at the end of the day, the more important stuff (that he can't argue about) are mortgages and power bills lol - just focus on that when you explain how worried his actions have made you.
Here's hoping he finds a job right quick! good luck!
I kind of know what you're going through.... we both moved to Canada from the UK soon after getting engaged and it took FI a while to find work but, when he did, he hated it. His boss was an idiot, the patients were treated terribly and he really hated it, couldn't sleep (which is sooo not like him) and felt really bad that he was part of the whole system. He said as soon as he found something else he'd quit but one day it got so bad he sent me a text asking if he could quit and I said if he was that unhappy to go for it. Turns out, two months on we are really struggling to pay the rent and haven't saved anything for the wedding, although we are 11 months out still. It's so easy to get annoyed at him but, at the end of the day he was so miserable, it's not worth it. I have had my days where I've thought 'couldn't you have just sucked it up and stuck it out' but when I think like that, it really hasn't helped. Much as I think I'd have stuck at it, it wasn't me in that situation so I really don't know. I can see why you're freaking out, it's a hard situation you're in now, but could he look for any kind of work (coffee shops etc) just tide you over and help get the wedding fund back on track and, of course, the mortgage?
Anyway, I hope it works out for you and good luck : )
My ex husband quit his job the day before we got married... he proceded to quit 2 more jobs while we were together. Less then 6 months after the divorce he quit another job. I hope things work out!!! GOOD LUCK
I would definitely be freaking out if I were you... I have been like your FI in a job that I hated with a jerk of a boss. It was my first job after college and it was dead-end job that I only took because I needed the crappy money it paid and was waiting for something better. I was there for six months and most of those months I came home crying every single day, I hated it so much. But ya' know, I stuck it out until the wonderful, awesome job that I'm at now came along. Why? Exactly for you reasons: a mortgage, utility bill, phone bill, insurance, groceries, etc. I agree that it is incredibly selfish of him, and I've even been there. My opinion is that he needs to get a filler job like at the grocery store or in retail until this other job works out, if it even does. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I know it has to be hard...
I will be freaking out, but sometimes a job can make you mentally break down. I agree with Penguingal06 don't bring up the wedding for a while, let him cool down, he's already feeling bad for his actions(trust me.)
You have a little while to go before the wedding, so just work on paying the bills and if you have any money left over get odds and ends for the wedding.
Hope every thing work out keep the bees posted.
Wow I am so sorry this has happened and I COMPLETELY would be just as livid. In fact, A few months ago, I was DEAD SET on going back to school in August. But we cannot pay the bills on my husband’s salary so I NEEDED to keep my job. So here I sit, right? It’s what you do when you are responsible. And you can’t go back on the wedding, but he could have taken a few mental health days or something. He’s actively looking to change careers. Sometimes you have to be a grown up, put your head down, and plow through. That is what life is about. And YES some jobs suck the big monkey, but you do it because money doesn’t fall from the sky and your bills need to be paid. And as far as the "mental health" thing--um, seriously, companies provide mental health leave. It's one thing to be hating your job, another to be suicidal and literally need psychiatric intervention. Hate is not enough IMO. I hated my job and I sucked it up. Why? Cuz the bills need to be paid.
So, my question is, how does he plan on helping to pay the bills? Seriously, shove that man out the door to go wait tables or bag groceries. He cannot just wait around to get hired at the prison
I’m sorry I think he did a very selfish, immature, and stupid thing considering the situation you guys are in. I just know that my husband would flip OUT on me if i did this, as the main breadwinner of the house. His income cannot pay the bills and I would feel TERRIBLE if i did this and put BOTH of us in this awful predicament. I couldn't allow myself to go back to school, knowing there'd be NO WAY to pay the bills. It's the main reason I am changing jobs internally, too.
But what’s done is done. Now he has to step it up and do something to be a contributing partner (financially particularly) in this relationship.
I'm of the mindset that you shouldn't jump ship until you know there's a raft below you. You are 1000% justified in my opinion.
I would be furious. The second he proposed, you two became a unified front. He should have talked to you first about wanting to leave his job, along with a back-up plan to pay the bills, instead of just walking out. Not to mention, this now puts ALL of the financial burdon on you until he finds another job, which is not easy in this economy.
I would feel like I wasn't even considered in this scenario if that happened to me. I also understand how nerve wracking it is to save for a wedding you're paying for yourself. If my FH quit his job, it would be a major red flag for me.
@shayednise ... couldn't agree more.
GOOD LUCK!
I would cancel the wedding in a heart beat for either of our mental health. And we've paid for probably half of it already.
To me there is nothing more important than health. Everything else can be fixed. A ruined body or a ruined mind - nothing is going to make that better for a long long time and then what is the point of life? You say yourself he's been a different person.
So to me, feeling like he cares more about a wedding or a house than about my mental health - in the moment that would make me think "dealbreaker". I'd probably calm down but... that really is periliously close to dealbreaker for me.
On the other hand, you sound like you've been working hard in the past to be supportive - look on the bright side - now he can take over the cleaning shopping etc. since he's going to be home! And you'll have a much happier fiance - I think that's worth monetary struggle.
I know that I'm a responsible person so if I did something like walk out of a job I'd be super pissed if my FI yelled at me. I'd feel incredibly hurt and upset that he doesn't know me well enough to know that I'd never let him down if I didn't have to and that he didn't trust my judgement that this was the best decision and the only one I could make.
Agree 100 percent with EJS. I stayed at a job I hated for years because the economy was lousy and I couldn't leave. I hated every single moment of being there. I dreaded waking up and going there. I was completely and utterly miserable.
But I am an adult and bills need to be paid. Our cats need to be fed and dinner needs to be on the table. Some things are more important than liking your job. Things can change in the future, but sometimes you have to just stick it out in meantime.
Mrs. Cox, I think you have every right to be upset. He really should have talked to you about quitting, instead of just walking out.
I agree that he definitely needs to find something for work in the meantime, while waiting for his prison job to start. Luckily, it is summer time, and so there should be a lot of landscaping, painting, or other seasonal jobs out there.
You said you are in school right now, could you take out a student loan to help you until FH can get back on his feet? Maybe you could go to financial aid and see if they can set you up. I am using a large part of my student loan money to help pay for our wedding.
GOOD LUCK darlin'! I think you will be ok once you get over the initial shock and come up with a good game plan.
I would be freaking out as well! You are not nuts.
I am in a bad job situation. It's stressful, and just not good at all, but I continue working because we can't pay our bills otherwise. I also would not quit a job because employers look more favorably on job applicants that are currently employed.
thanks everyone for you encouraging words and support.
My FH has actually contacted a good friend of his, who is a partner at a firm here and she is going to represent him in suing his boss. Apparantly he never told me how bad it really was there. He told me last night exactly what had been happening. His boss would curse at him and call him names, then everyone else would also gang up on him, throw stuff at him. They would put gay porn on his computer screen, draw stick figures of provocative stuff on it making fun of him. (what is is with guys and gay porn?) He emailed his boss about everything that was goign on and his boss pretty much told him to suck it up and stop being a baby. Which he still has the emailed saved on his home email. So they have a pretty good case.
I feel so bad that he never told me all of this. I cant imagine going to work everyday having to be bullied and ridiculed all day. Poor guy.
He has had 3 interviews in 2 days, hopefully something turns up soon.
and on top of all that, he hasnt had a lunch break in over 4 years. They have to work and eat at the same time. He called the Dept of Labor twice and both times they came out, and did nothing about it.
so that is also going to be in the letter they send his boss.
Keep your fingers crossed.
Wow, that would make me want to leave my job if that happened to me! However, I think he should have talked to you if he was planning on quitting. Thou, my guess is they did something to him that was over the line & he couldn't take it anymore. My guess is he didn't plan on quitting, it just kinda happened. & I could see him not wanting to tell you what happened at his job cause, guys can feel embarrased or that they're not strong enough. Hopefully this brought you two closer too. Good luck on your lawsuit, hope you guys win!
I woudl be freaking out if I were you too but I do understand him not wanting to be there anymore especially after your update! However, the adult thing woudlve been to look for a new job and not quit until he secures something else. Especially since you cant (as far as I know) collect unemployment if you quit your job. I would get on him to follow up often with his potential new job to see how things are progressing or to get a short term job in the mean time.
Good luck with the legal action, from everything you said it sounds like he totally deserves to win, ESPECIALLY the no lunch break for 4 years! I dont know what it is in Delaware but in CA you are mandated to have a break for every 4-5 hours that you work and if your boss doesnt give it to you, they are fined and people can take legal action.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ticatica | 13 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 12 |
| MrsOliveBird | 11 |
| aussiebee | 10 |
| janetsnakehole | 8 |
| Scottish_lassie | 7 |
| GelaMac | 6 |
| j_jaye | 5 |
| MrsMSmith | 5 |
| Rivendeler | 5 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
Sorry if this is long, neet to vent!
My fiance walked out of his job yesterday. Last year he got 4 paycuts, so we were barely making it anyway. He hated his boss and everyone that worked there. He has changed so drastically since he started working there, he has become so miserable. He has been looking for another job for a while and he is in the middle of applying to be a Corrections Office in the prison in our town. The process started in Feb, he passed the written test, and they are in the middle of doing a background check now and contacting all his family and friends. Once he passes that, he has to wait until the next academy and then his job will start. That could take many more months, depending on how long they take with the background check and when the next academy is.
I got home yesterday and he was home from work early, so I asked what happened and he said he couldnt take it anymore and he just walked out. I tried to stay calm and collected but he seemed so ok with it. WE HAVE A MORTGAGE and so many bills. We dont have anyone to fall back on, its just us. Walking out is the most selfish, childish thing you can do when your an adult with bills and responsibilities. I have bad days at my job too, everyone does, its life. You learn to deal and keep going until you find something better..
Our wedding is a lil over 9 months away, we still have 6k to save. He asked me why I was so mad/upset, I explained that we have bills and a mortgage and we can afford to not have an income on his part. My income wont pay all the bills and I am putting myself through school and tryign to save for a wedding. The very mention of the word weddign and he blew a gasket. He flipped and said all I care about is MY STUPID WEDDING and I dont care about him or his mental health. I dont care that he hated going to work everyday and he came home miserable. All I care about is my wedding.
Well considering the fact that we signed a contract and have already made deposits, bought a dress and sent out save the dates, its kind of a bid deal that he has no job. Our family isnt helping with our wedding nor will or can they help with our bills. I am so angry.
I understand he hated his job and I tried to be as supportive as I possibly could. I take care of everything, the house, bills, food, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and even went to school full time at night after work and still came home to cook, clean and do homework.. All he had to do was work and come home. I did that so he didnt have to worry about anything, he could relax when he got home from work and try to unwind from his job. And he had the nerve to say I dont support him. I cant be supportive of someone who just walks out of the only income he has when we have a mortgage to pay.
Am i being irrational or would you be freaking out too?