FH startles so easily and it is starting to bug me!

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@trueblue14:  Turn it into a game. Wait for him around corners & jump out at him whilst screaming ‘BOO!’.

Teach him the difference between your presence & being actually startled.


Post # 4
10454 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Set an alarm to wake him up.  Otherwise, sometimes calling out from a distance helps.  DH used to be bad for not letting me know that he was home and he’d startle me pretty badly at times.


Post # 6
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My boyfriend does this too!! I thought it was just because he’s used to living alone and I moved in recently. I was hoping it would go away :/

Post # 7
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@theone99:  LOL. Your response made me laugh a lot 😛

@trueblue14:  That would be super annoying. Like a PP suggested, I would make him use an alarm clock. Maybe you can make more noise when you walk so he knows where you are, but it’s not like you should need to wear a bell or something. Crazy.

Post # 8
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I second the PP suggestion of the alarm. Or yelling from the other side of the room to wake him.

Post # 10
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Sweet_Tea:  Your FI may have Sensory Defensiveness. May be worth looking into to see if it can be managed. Good luck!


I have that and its embarrassing and sometimes humiliating when I’m around people who don’t (or refuse to) understand. I jump at stark sounds, moderate to loud noises, whenever my FI comes into the room or when he touches me on my back.  My ex husband and SO didn’t understand and their irritation of MY feelings made it worse for me. 


Thankfully my FI is very understanding (he studied child development, etc) and doesn’t make a big deal out of it. 


Post # 11
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018


As someone who gets startled easy I can tell you nothing will change that.  It’s just a natural reaction.  In no way is it because of you.  If my fiance want to wake me up he’ll do it by calling my phone.  Some people do just need time to get use to things but others will always be like that no matter what.  If he’s up for making a game out of it than I see no reason why not.  However he might not want to constantly make a game out of it.  I think you should either learn to accept it or break up.

Post # 12
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@trueblue14:  You’re welcome. In the meantime, do you think wearing maybe a small (cat sized) collar on your wrist (the kind with a small bell on it) might help your FI be alerted to your presence? I know it sounds nutty, but maybe wearing the collar as a bracelet around the house would help him be less jumpy around you. 🙂

Post # 14
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018


Personally I don’t see it as a reason to break up either but you sound really upset.

Post # 15
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My mom was like this. I usually tried to walk loudly, talk or make some kind of noise when I knew I was going into a room she was in. I just made it a habit to be loud sometimes haha

Post # 16
2630 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@trueblue14:  Maybe you can start calling yourself Trueblue14 the Ninja! I suffer from the same issue, and luckily FI just laughs it off. The worst was one afternoon when I thought he was still asleep for a nap in the bedroom. I swore I could even hear snoring. There I was in the living room picking up a little, and suddenly he was right behind me. I screamed bloody murder for like 3 full seconds!! The windows were open, and someone from the pool, which is right next to our patio, walked to the pool fence and asked if I was okay. It was embarrassing. 

Another time, I had taken the dog on her evening walk and wasn’t expecting him to be home yet from his late lab. As I opened up our door, he walked into the entryway and said hi. I screamed, slammed the door closed, and the poor dog was so scared by me that she jumped a little and furiously barked at her own door. Sheesh.

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