Post # 1
First – typing on my phone in bed, I apologize for poor grammar/typos.
I’m lying here in bed thinking about all the things we have to do for our wedding that’s 2 months today. FH is sound asleep. Every time I bring up things that need to be done he says ‘we don’t have to do that now do we? We have lots of time.’
if I try and tell him we don’t he argues that he doesn’t want a ton of stuff hanging around the house for 2 months or, my favourite, I’m stressing him out.
our parents haven’t met. We haven’t figured out when that’ll happen, we also don’t know when his parents are planning to arrive (my mom has her flight booked, my dad is wishing for me to tell him when he needs to be here).
we have to schedule the rehearsal/confirm that we’re having one.
we haven’t decided on favours. (Something I wont skip)
he hasn’t even asked one of his potential groomsmen.
there are also a ton of little things he won’t decideor let me just do – frames for our table numbers, decide on table names/numbers, guest book, favours…
its a really big list and it’s stressing me out but he won’t recognize that 2 months is not a lot of time and I do not want to be running around like a crazy person the week before the wedding trying to do this stuff….
rant over – how did you make your groom get in gear?
Post # 2
MsGinkgo: I say if enough people post on here and tell him 2 months is not enough, and you show to him, I hope he then realizes how less time he has left.
In all honest, write a list how much things you have left. Put down how many days needed to finish it. Assuming you both work, you only have 3 hours per day to work. Time flies before you know. Bug him non stop, he needs to get on to it!
Post # 3
MsGinkgo: My husband was the same way. When he told me you plan it and he’d pay for it, he really did end up meaning YOU plan it, lol. So literally all of those things you mentioned above (and then some), I did solely on my own. I would DIY or buy, then excitedly show my husband and he’d smile and say “Look’s great!”, ha. Let’s face it, most guys just aren’t that into wedding planing. Don’t argue over it, it will just cause added stress. Just do what needs to be done yourself, asking close friends/family who are interested to help you. Believe me, you’ll feel better checking things off the guest list, especially being two months out.
Post # 4
Commenting to follow for advice as well because I’m sure I’ll need it when my time come!
Post # 5
Barely_Blush: lol – the list is written on our giant hall closet mirrors – he seea it every morning. I’ve started making mini lists prioritizing thInge that have to be done this week.
Diamond84: problem is he’s crazy picky. He’s worse than me for so much of this stIf. I make suggestions and he vetos. Things he doesn’t care about I can do, but the things above like favours and the guest book He cares about and will veto ideas but will not make his own suggestions (drives me nuts).
hes a go with the flow, it’ll all work out type person, he doesn’t seem to understand that 20 other people are affected by the rehearsal…
Post # 6
MsGinkgo: Ahhh… I see. Yea that’s problematic, then. My husband didn’t care about anything other than his attire and the music. Flowers, favors, decor, guest book, etc., whatever I wanted he would just say “Looks great” or “Wow, very nice”. If he did care, and wasn’t putting in effort ESPECIALLY two months out, I’d start to get pissed, annoyed, and worried.
Tell your fiancé you are checking off “X” on the list this weekend. If he cares enough to help, great. If not, you are doing whatever you want on your own and he can’t say diddly squat because shit needs to start getting done. Two months will fly by so fast. He needs to get with the program that you don’t have THAT much time.
Post # 7
MsGinkgo: so frustrating! I recommend just telling him what tasks need to be done by when and if he doesn’t want to be involved, you will do it but he can’t complain later if he doesn’t like it!
Post # 8
MsGinkgo: I feel like my FI is the same way hes WAY WAY too laid back and I am WAY WAY too type A. I find getting done myself is easier then waiting for his butt to get in gear. I would be lying if I said that didnt bother me, but hey its who he is and I have known that the entire 8 years we have dated. I just keep joking that hes going to find out about all the stuff I have done along with our guests 😉
Post # 9
Thanks for the support ladies – I think I’m just going to have to give him deadlines, which he hates, but I can’t be dealing with favours 2 weeks out (especially if I have to make anything).
I have a section of our apartment where I’m planning on boxing everything to give to our caterer/doc all nicely organized for him to set up – I don’t want to be up until 3am every night the week of the wedding getting ready.
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
My DH didn’t have his shit together either. I had to get on him about asking his groomsmen and getting them gifts. He ended up getting their gifts THE MORNING of our wedding. True slacker style.
I don’t have much room to talk though because I was a last minute kind of bride myself. It wasn’t until Mid-December/January that we decided we would get married on our anniversary (in MARCH!). I literally booked our venue 3 weeks before the wedding! Most of my little stuff came together 2 weeks to a week before the actual wedding. My life motto, “If you wait til the last minute, it only takes a minute.” Definitely held true throughout the whole thing, lol.
I don’t think my wedding looks like it was slapped together – but it sure was! Part of it was our small guest list ~20 people.
How many guests are you having?
Post # 11
MsGinkgo: Make a list of tasks and let him schedule when to do them. Tell him he doesn’t have to do it immediately, but these are the things to have to get done by the wedding. I think once he sees all the tasks that need to be handled, he’ll appreciate just how little time he has.
Post # 12
MsGinkgo: To be honest, I got him in gear (a little bit) by crying (more than once) and even suggesting we don’t get married. Which seems harsh, but he really wasn’t understanding me and I was going insane!!! He had the exact same opinion as your FI and even though we’re having a super small wedding certain things need to be done on a certain timeline. I mean the man doesn’t even understand the importance of getting a marriage license or ordering his own wedding attire! Sadly he did not listen to me about his clothing, waited until last week to try his clothes on and guess what? His pants are too long. We’re getting married in 3 weeks and 4 days from today. So I guess his pants are gonna be too long. Oh well! Also, we still have no cake, no invitations have been sent out, our livingroom has not been painted (which is a huge must) and we have no decorating plan. I’ve had to throw my hands up and say fuck-it cause if I don’t I’ll be checking into a mental health facility on April 12th instead of getting married.
Post # 13
jadlnc: Your wedding is in three weeks and invites haven’t been sent out yet? Your fiance should take his pants to a tailer.
Post # 14
FutureDrAtkins: guest list is now at 130, we’re expecting (and so far getting) a 40% decline rate so we’ll have 75-80 guests (including bridal party). I’ve been saying since day one that I refuse to be a last minute bride, I work that way quite often but it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety (I’m high stress anyways) and all my vendors have commented how organized and calm I am, and it’s because I refuse to be any other way for this.
If he gets his GM gifts day of the wedding that’s on him – they’re his friends and if he looks like an asshole to them I don’t really care at this point, I’ve reminded him more than once, if he doesn’t do it, that’s on him at this point.
housebee: He’s seen the list…he just keeps saying that we don’t need things or ‘we have lots of time’
jadlnc: we went and arranged tuxes 2 weekends ago, he was shocked when the girl told him measurements for all the guys had to be in a month in advance – that was a little ‘told you so’ moment for me. The license I’ll be doing myself (both people don’t have to go here), anything that doesn’t require any opinion I can do, he’s just a very opinionated person who doesn’t give his opinion except that he doesn’t like things – he never suggests alternatives.
MarieeToBee: we’re the same way, we’ve been together for 9+ years, this is the way he is and for everything else I can deal with it – for the wedding, it’s making me mental
Post # 15
MsGinkgo: Wait, he doesn’t schedule things? For instance, when he says he “doesn’t want to do it now”, when does he say he plans to do it?