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Not with my partner but with me. I wanted to quit SOOO bad but I really couldn't. FH would listen to me and let me scream and cry but it always came back to him reminding me I coulnd't. He gave suggestions and helped me look for a new job while I was in my old one.
My husband has had a really miserable stint at Target. He just sucked it up until something better came along and he jumped at it. He mentioned quitting a few times and I gave him options and helped him look for a job, but I guess it was the best of the worst!
You need money, plain and simple. And a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Encourage him/help him look for a new job, but not until something more permanent comes along. Temporary jobs are just that--temporary.
How bad is his situation exactly? has he considered this for a while?
I actually quit my job almost two months ago because I was so unhappy and stressed it was negatively affecting every aspect of my life. Honestly, it was one of the darkest times of my life. I couldn't imagine I would ever feel that way about a job . . . it felt similar to how I felt when I was going through a personal tragedy.
It's one thing to quit just because you are slightly unhappy or bored, or not getting along with a co-worker, or some other relatively minor reason... but if it something more serious, he was probably right to move on.
I am concerned about money and I understand why you would be too, but you have to remember, your FI's sanity and personal well-being come first.
Good luck to your FI in the job search!
He has been pretty stressed and miserable for the past few months and it's not getting any better. I don't want to divulge too much information, but I think for his all around well-being, it is probably best that he quits.
I just want to point out how awesome it is that he has someone like you who is supportive. Your last comment wasn't "I don't want him to but he's going to anyway." It was "for his all around well-being, it is probably best that he quits." You're putting him first, and that is awesome.
Has he been looking for a new job in the last few months? It is much, much easier to get a job while one has a job. It makes you look much more reliable and employable. I would strongly suggest to him to keep looking/start looking harder to find a new job before quitting- regardless if you can afford a few months without another income. With the questionable job market he could end up out of work for months or longer and then end up doing something equally as miserable to just get the paycheck.
My last job I was in for 2 years and I hate it from the beginning. I cried almost everyday going there and coming home. I had to wake up at 4am and usually didn't come home until after 6pm. It was terrible. I was depressed and a b*tch to almost everyone b/c of it. I had NO options. I couldn't quit no matter how much I wanted. FH was my rock so to speak, he would let me complain but would tell me its going to get better and to just hold out a little longer. He would also knock some sense into me by saying, "ok you quit tomorrow and then what? we loose the apartment, you sell your car? Whats your plan?" Or something to that extent, he didn't say it mean or negatively but it was enough to let me know I needed to suck it up.
Has your FI been looking for a job for a while now? If he has been looking and applying and not hearing anything back, I think you should take that as a sign that its going to be even harder for him to find something once he leaves his current job.
But you should also take a look at your current financial situation. Are you going to still be able to afford your wedding if he isn’t working for a while? If after his temporary backup plan runs out how is he (or both of you if you live together) going to pay your bills? Savings? Credit cards?
I can understand being emotionally over a job, but you really need to explore how this is going to effect the two of you over the long-term.
And your FI is lucky to have someone so supportive and aware of his emotional needs. :)
I'm sure that the two of you can figure it out. Just please make sure that he has something else lined up before he quits so that you won't completely lose out on all his income.
FH did it. He was in a miserable situation as well. Age was a big issue, as we are much older than most of you here. It turned out the company was ready to downsize anyway, so he was able to negotiate a bit of a package.
The biggest miscalculation he had made was the time it would take to find himself another job. The economy really turned & he was without a full time job for much longer than he had planned to be.
As bad as it was for him, when he looks back, he still would have left--it was that terrible.
In the grand scheme of life a couple months is really not a very long time. I know it's hard to be unhappy in your job but he has responsibilities now. Since you two are getting married he doesn't just have to answer to himself. There is someone else in the picture. In this economy it's just not smart to walk away from a steady income. If he is truly unhappy then he should absolutely start looking for a new job. But if I were you I would be very uncomfortable with my husband quitting his job before he had his next position lined up.
I think that is very wise. I wish FH had done that, altho he sort of did have work lined up, just not as stable or predictable.
He's learned.
I'm a firm believer in not quitting a job until you have one lined up. I personally would NEVER quit without a solid backup plan and I would seriously object if FI wanted to. If the economy was different and jobs were plentiful then it would be another story but as we all know, good jobs are few and far between (there are ex CEO's delivering pizzas! What does that tell you?). Financial security is far too important to me to risk on a gamble of maybe finding adequate employment after a resignation.
As a follow up to my previous post, I think there is a difference between sacrificng your mental health and just being unhappy in a job. He needs to figure out where on the spectrum he is and the two of you should weigh your options together. It would have been unfathomable for me to quit a job without having one lined up before I had the experience with my last job.
unemployment rates for collge-educated people are actually really low - around 5%, which it almost impossible to dip below in our market structure. It people that are less educated that are having the toughest time, and obviously there are hot spots in certain fields. But, if your FI is not in one of those fields and has a college degree, and you guys have some savings, I don't see a legit reason to be miserable in a job you hate. Make sure you know all the facts and how the stats break down before you let the media scare you into oblivion.
@CaitMarae - could you please name some CEOs that are currently delivering pizzas?
I was in your position (but the reverse) before the wedding. I was MISERABLE and getting paid very little and there was no room for advancement. After the honeymoon, I had a huge breakdown and ended up quitting my job and working part time as a nanny and substitue teacher until I begin my full time nanny job in two weeks. Before the wedding I was crying myself to sleep every night, not eating, and just in gerenal miserable. It took a huge toll on me and I didn't want it to start impacting my relationship. All I can say is communicate with him and let him know you guys can work through this together.
Thanks, bees!
We talked last night and it seems like he is going to stick it out until he absolutely has secured some consulting gigs (those can last up until summer of 2012).
I understand how he is feeling; I had a job in 2007 to mid-2008 that was awful! Like a few of you mentioned, I couldn't sleep, I'd cry, I was angry, I packed on a bunch of weight....but I stuck with it until I had secured another job. Of course, the job market was a bit better back then.
@crayfish: I have a MA and FH will graduate this summer with his MPA. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of government jobs out there now! :-/
@eleanor: I would say his mental well being is definitely being affected by his job.
@Birdie Love: I know the feeling and have taken the plunge of quitting a job as has SO- which is a big deal when you are trying to save for school and the future; however we both know that school comes first, and that we cant threaten that with certain types of jobs- but hes still out there looking, and I took a hard choice and moved back home to save money. Thats just how it has to be sometimes, but I know it'll work out in the end :) Im hope everything works out for the best for you!
@bellanouva: thanks....you know, I did have a thought yesterday that if left his job, took consulting work, that would actually free up some time and relieve A LOT of stress for him and he could really concentrate on preparing for his comps in the summer (BIG test that he HAS to pass to graduate. Neither of us have the option of moving back home, but there are definitely some sacrifices that can be made for the next few months if needed.
I have a quick question. What about unemployment? He may qualify so the option isn't between totally miserable and no money right?
@crayfish: Yes, unemployment may not be extremely high for college grads but many many of them are UNDER employed, which in a lot of cases can be just as bad.
I may be wrong, but I am pretty sure that he will not qualify for unemployment if he quits his job. Unemployment is also not a lot of money and probably will not cover what he currently makes.
Besides that, research shows that people who are currently employed have a higher chance of finding a new job. Actively looking for a new job while still employed is the best position he can be in.
I think he should not quit unless the situation is absolutely, completely crazy and awful.
I personally just went through something very similar. I hate my job. It sucks and is awful. For the past 4 months I have been actively been looking for a new job and just accepted an offer with a great company. I gave my two weeks to my current employer last week. I wanted to quit my current job many times, but knew that doing that was not the solution to my problems.
I would tell your FI that if he hates his job he needs to be actively looking for a job, not thinking about quitting the one he has. Encourage him to seek out resources, like a college career center to help him get his resume in shape, seek out people to do informational interviewing with etc
I also reccomend the book "What color is your parachute" Lots of great job searching information!
Good luck!
@crayfish- 5% is actually a historic high for college-grad unemployment. That's about the normal overall structural unemployment, but the average unemployment rate for college graduates is more like 2%. Which is to say, it sucks to be on the job market right now. It obviously still might be the right choice for any individual to quit his or her job, but it's not an easy time to be getting a new one.
Would you quit if you were in his position and the tables were turned? And also how ambitious is he in terms of trying to get new employment?
It is definitely better to have another job lined up before quitting your current one but as we all know that is not always plausible...
@sasha2011; Ahhhhh....here's the thing, I was in a very similar situation, however, I think I had it WORSE (a variety of factors) at my old job. I would go through a few weeks in which I would think "it's not so bad" and then it would be 10x worse the following week. When I actively started searching it took me from May 2008 to late August 2008 to find a new job. I am trying to be supportive, my thoughts/feelings are all over the place. One moment I'll think "You're so unhappy; just quit." and the next I think "Hey, suck it up and stick it out! I had to do that until I found a new job!"
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Sooooo.....FH sends me a TEXT that he wants to resign from his job. He has been pretty miserable for the past couple of months and things aren't getting any better. He provided different options he has for temporary employment that he can do while he searches for a new job.
I think I just need to vent. I want to be supportive but there is still the concern about finances, the crappy economy/job market, the upcoming wedding, etc.
Have any bees gone through a similar situation with their partners?