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Hi Miss Magnolia - FH is having the same problem... he's gained a little weight since we've met and he wants to lose it but doesn't do much to do that. We used to go to the gym together, but then he had to move to a new apt that is farther from our gym and he doesn't go (which I totally understand b/c if its a pain to go, then that makes it harder). The one way I have found to help him eat better is to cook more at his or my place :) If you make the food it is healthier and since we have to eat the same thing and I eat healthier its even better :)
Maybe cook healthier dinners together in a "joint effort" to get "healthier"? You could say you want to feel better about yourself, and would like him to help encourage you. Ask him if he would like to join you in more physical activities...taking walks, bowling, skiing.
Would there be a way for you to change your workout schedule a little bit on some days? I think that if you found something y'all could do together - like a boot camp or something like that - and said "I think I'm going to do this boot camp...." and leave it a little open-ended, he may say - "That sounds fun, I want to do it with you". Maybe he needs a partner to get him going, and that's just more time you can spend together!
Thanks AliCherri1! That's a good idea. We live in NYC so we don't cook a lot but I could suggest it as a way to save $$ for the wedding too! :)
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that's a hard one! I think the best way is working out together - maybe you can pick up a sport on the weekends? Or train for a race you will do together -like a 5K or 10K? That way you might not go to the gym together but you are working towards a common goal? Short of that, its really up to him to decide its an important priority. Its much better if he decides he is finally ready to DO something and to stop just talking about it. My husband hadn't gone to the gym in months - and although I doubt he gained more than 5 pounds, his metabolism is ridiculous - he likes to be in shape and kept lamenting not going (he had plenty of time). I knew there was nothing I could do and then one day last week he just had enough, and has been every day since!
My fiance and I opened an account with an online diet tracking website, to evaluate our lifestyle. You plug in your food consumption each day, as well as exercise, and it gives you feedback on how to improve your health. My fiance was better at keeping track of it than I was! He lost 10 lbs. in under 2 months (don't you hate how guys can do that?!) and I lost about 6.5. Although we no longer use it daily, it helped educate us about the food choices we make, and we're still losing weight. Try sites like sparkpeople.com or myfooddiary.com.
I think the common goals thing is a good idea. Esp if you phrase it like "I really want to do this 10K, but I don't know anyone else doing it" or something like that.
For me, DH had some medical issues where he lost weight and couldn't exercise for a long time, so he lost a lot of muscle and strength. What finally got him into the gym was golf season -- he wants to be stronger to play golf well. And although he knew he needed to get to the gym, he didn't do much about it until he went to hit some balls and realized how quickly he tired. That motivated him way more than anything I said would have. So maybe there's some activity your FH used to do but would be a lot harder for him now?
I'm in the same boat. So I challenged my FI to a "contest" to see who could lose the most weight before our wedding. He's also agreed to run with me, on the condition that he gets something he loves for every mile we run. He's already telling me he wants to go five miles tomorrow!! Find something that's a real motivator to him, then offer it as a reward for getting fit. I always ask him to help me eat healthier, and if he suggests eating somewhere that isn't good, I refuse to go there. He loves Taco Bell, but there is not one healthy choice at taco bell, so I say "let's go to McDonald's instead" which tricks him because their premium salads are to die for and healthy! Most of all, he has to want to lose weight himself. Just because he's not happy doesn't mean he's made the jump to being willing to change. In the end, he has to want to change like you did.
I'm going to stereotype away here, but guys don't usually have the same body issues as women, so -- usually, it can be case-sensitive -- it might okay to mention nicely that he's getting pudgy. Sometimes they really don't even notice until it's time to put on a suit they haven't worn for a while...
My fiance started getting a bit chubby, and I didn't hesitate to point that out, nicely, and mention he should think about going out for lunch less. Okay, what I really did was start laughing and kidding him mercilessly the day I noticed that he'd put on weight. I found it hilarious because he was super skinny when I met him and I didn't think it was even possible for him to gain weight. It didn't seem to hurt his feelings any and he shed the pounds.
My FH is helping ME loose weight and he wants to eat better so we developed a rewards system. Anytime I eat all my fruits and or veggie servings in the day I get a point and if he reaches one of his day goals he gets a point. On Friday whoever has the most points get to pick a fun date/activity for the weekend the other HAS to do. It's been really fun (we're quasi competitive) and he says he feels great. It's been a great motivator to me since I'm accountable to him AND I DO NOT want to go see another dumb horror or action film :)
GL!
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Is it possible, especially since you don't live or exercise together, that spending time together and/or the extra time wedding planning is contributing to his lack of motivation and time? Also,has he been active and fit in the past? I'm asking b/c my FH had put on a fair bit of weight a while back, and it was starting to bother him. Part of the issue is that he's been working a lot and so doesn't have time for work outs during the week, and part of the issue is that we no longer are active together. We used to use most of our play time together outside (hiking, skiing, cycling), but I have an injury that keeps me from most of those things...a whole separate saga. So now on weekends he sort of has to choose btwn going skiing or spending time with me. But by making it clear to him (and myself) that I'm okay with his going off on his own he's been doing it much more often. Also, I did bring up his eating, not in the context of his being overweight but more in the context of long term health...and he's really made a concerted effort to change his diet. My argument was that I don't want him having heart problems etc. when we're older...and that I consider his taking care of his health part of his commitment to our marriage, which really resonated with him. Maybe it would with your FH too?
So seconding the above suggestions, can you make it a together activity? And also, is it possible that he just needs more time to do these things on his own? And finally, can you approach it more from the aspect of concern for his health and for your long term life together? B/c I realized that's part of what was bothering me, and I was actually surprised at how seriously my FH took that concern once I pointed it out.
THis post is perfectly timed.... great suggestions! The contest or points accumulation sounds good. My FI and I just had a conversationg about this. I've gained quite a bit of weight since summer, and he's been gradually putting on some pounds. We are both looking to improve our health...so we're in it together.
I think i'm going to suggest signing up for a 5k in the next month or so for motivation if he's up for it. And last night we started the Hundred Push UP and Two hundred sit up challenge =) Good luck!
I totally relate b/c my husband gained more than 30 pounds over a 3 year period. It's a touchy subject....especially when you know they are not happy with their physical appearance...it's hard to know how to help. I don't have any specific advice for you, but I will share some of my thoughts on our experience in case it helps knowing success is possible :)
I think my fiance had several things contribute to his weight gain (he was super fit when we met) - stress and lack of time due to a new job and lack of time due to wedding planning. I thought the wedding would be his motivation to lose the weight, but it wasn't...he still looked great, but I know he doesn't like some photos of himself...
I don't think there was anything I could really say or do...it really came down to him making the decision for himself. I tried to talk about it with him, being honest about my feelings: I was worried about his health, I missed being more active, I wanted to be supportive b/c I knew he didn't feel good about himself...and I pointed out that he was getting older so his body was slowing down and we needed to make more of an effort to stay in shape...and I point blank told him he probably also has bad genes and needs to work harder than the average person...I pointed out his parents are always dieting, but never making any progress and how I did not want us to be like that...we needed to take steps now about lifestyle changes.
After several conversations like this, he came up with a plan to eat better...and even if the food sounded less than appetizing, I stayed committed to his food choices. So he did meal planning for healthy lunch and dinner options and I did my best to be supportive. I stayed away from my occasional fast food cravings, I stopped baking sugary treats, we stopped eating out unless we knew there were healthy options on the menu...I think it was easier for him knowing it was about a healthy lifestyle change, not just his diet. We talked about noticing positive changes on a daily basis (and still do)...we talk about what we ate, what we restrained ourselves from eating at the office, how we feel, how our clothes fit...all those positive changes we started to see, etc...
I think the one important thing I realized I needed to do if I really wanted to help my husband lose weight was to make a sacrifice myself...don't buy junk food, don't make the fattening yummy dishes for dinner, don't make waffles every weekend even if I love them...we had to be in it together...
My husband really started trying to lose the weight in December and has already lost 18 pounds...he is looking amazing. I guess if I tried to summarize my rambling, I would say that you should continue to keep talking with him honestly, stay supportive, and make it more about the two of you making healthy lifestyle choices together rather than him suffering through a diet alone.
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These are all great suggestions. We are both at a point right now where we are not so happy with our weight ... we eat well and we both are "fit" but we just really need to push each other. I think planning to run a 5K together will be a good idea for us! I'm going to go research some now!
I think everyone I know feels they want to "tone-up" before the big wedding day, especially when all eyes are on the bride and groom! Something we did was make a bridal diet. We don't stick to diets all that well, but this one is a bit different. We made a list of things to choose from that we MUST eat everyday (ie. 3 servings of dark green veggies..2 other veggies of choice, 2 servings of fruit, Pom juice, Green Machine, 8 cups of water and yada yada yada) We don't eat carbs after 7PM and we go to the gym at least 4 days a week. I gotta tell you though...when you don't see results right away...eating raw broccoli isn't the most fun! <3
stick in there, bees!
I have the same issue with my fiance! Although he has gained most of the weight in his face, which is really too bad 
My parents gave him money for a membership to the club but he spent it on rent (can't really blame him for that).
I haven't come up with any great idea, although I can say that we recently got a Wii Fit of Christmas and it does make you move! It has your own personal trainer and you can monitor your weight loss/gain on a daily basis, time spent moving, plus I think its fun! If you don't already have a Wii though, its awfully expensive to buy just for this. I think the suggestions of making dinner together and compeating against each other are both very good motivators. I'm seriously just crossing my fingers that with summer coming up, and him possibly being less stressed with school, he will just lose the weight. Anyways, I hope you get some good suggestions! Keep us posted :)
Thank you SO much for all the wonderful suggestions! We've made some progress :) I stayed at his apartment last weekend and mentioned that I was doing the hundred push-up challenge and then did my push-ups for the day which prompted him to show me he could do more! Now he's trying to do push-ups and sit ups every night before bed! Hopefully this will inspire him to be healthier all around :)
Thanks again!
I am in the same boat, only too far away to really be a motivator. Fi works out 2-4 times a week, which is much better than me, but he has put on 15-20 lbs since we met and I know he wants to get rid of it, it's just not happening.
I'm hoping that it'll be easier for both of us to get on the bandwagon after we're married and can cook healthy as well as work out and be physically actice (hiking, biking, etc) Although that doesn't really help the " get in shape before we get married plan"
Until we live 2000 miles close to eachother, I'm feeling stuck!!
I cook healthier dinners and try to serve us less portions. We also eat out less to save money. And both of us cut our soda consumption way down. Also, we're both doing Wii Fit.
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Definitely cooking together is a great way to get healthier. Also, with the wedding coming up, my fiancee and I are trying to motivate each other. I really want him to work out, so we made a deal that for every two days I work out, he works out once. It's a great motivator for me and it gets him to work out!
Mr. D and I are both in need of losing some weight. We're really lucky that we live in an area with a lot of outdoor activities. We belong to a gym, but really enjoy bike riding and hiking with our dog. We mix it up as much as we can so we don't get bored and we can use different muscles. The dog is great because she keeps us moving forward, no matter what we're doing.
It might be helpful to ask him what his favorite activities are, or maybe join a team together. Maybe a coed softball team? They even have adult kickball leagues! Or maybe a dance class at the local rec center... and then you'll be ready for your first dance too!
Good luck!
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My FH was the same way about a year ago. He put on about 25 or 30 pounds his last semster of college (probably from drinking too much beer and eating too many bad foods!) He asked me one day, "do you think I look good" I said yes "honey you will always look good, but you aren't being HEALTHY". That was the key. When I said he wasn't being HEALTHY, he took that to heart.
Something fun we are going to do to help eachother to be healthier, AND to have lots of fun before our wedding is to take dance lessons together! ( we both work out 3-4 times a week as well)
I made my FH watch "Dancing with the Stars" with me so many nights and he became a huge fan! He decided that we should take dance lessons before the wedding because everyone always looses so much weight by doing it and it looks like so much fun! You could try something like that and find something your FH is interested in doing and make it into a work out!
I hope maybe some of this helps! Good luck!
We joined a Kickball league together. IT made a big difference for us. It was something we could do as a couple but also we didn't want to let our team down so we started walking together. It's nice to have the time to talk to him.
Good luck!!
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Hi! Thanks in advance for any replies to this. I've never posted on Weddingbee but have enjoyed reading others' posts.
Some background info: I've struggled with body issues my whole life. While I've never been really overweight, I've often felt uncomfortable with my body and the way I look in general. I've struggled with eating disorders for a long time and am finally healthy and feeling better (a lot of which I credit to my FH's support).
Recently my FH has put on a good amount of weight (he's still super cute of course and I adore him!). He's been complaining about not feeling attractive and says he wants to change his eating habits (which are pretty bad -- lots of fatty/fast foods) and exercise. As much as he talks about it and as uncomfortable I've noticed he's gotten, he hasn't taken any steps toward starting new healthy habits or going to the gym. We don't live together currently and I go to the gym by my apartment in the morning before work (which is a ways away from his place) -- so working out together is hard. How can I encourage him to start taking better care of himself without being that annoying/naggy girl? I'm trying to put myself in his place and there's not a lot I can think of to say that wouldn't hurt his feelings or make him think I don't love him just the way he is. Any suggestions?