Post # 1
My FH and Family are wonderful and very generous. My FH has many ideas about the wedding (Groomzilla, anyone?) and has his heart set on a venue (which is beautiful). The only problem is that the venue (food drinks etc) is about 75% of the original budget we had agreed to.
His family has offered (to him, I heard third person) that they will ‘help and contribute whatever it takes to ensure we (him) have the wedding we want. However, they do not want to discuss costs (as it is impolite) and will only speak about it with their son.
I realize how lucky I am to have such generous kind people offering to help..
The problem is that my family, while offering the most that they can, are on a very tight budget. they told me exaclty how much money they can offer. I told my mom about the venue, costs etc (she is an accountant) and I can tell that she is uncomfortable with the price of this place, and the fact that we cannot ‘discuss budget’ with the other family.
Her concern, and mine too, is that our contribution will not be enough to cover all additional wedding costs other than the venue (i.e. – dress, hair, flowers, photographer, etc.)
My FH is getting upset as he doesnt understand my concerns and is mad that I am not just grateful that we will get what we need..
However, I cannot help but be a little concerned, as we are not allowed to discuss finances, and are signing a huge desposit check based on (in my oppinion, hearsay ).
Am I being Crazy?? I dont know if i am over reacting. What should I do? should I bring it up again..
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor
@Kitt0nMitt0ns: Nope, I don’t think you’re crazy at all. You’re going to have to communicate about a whole lot more than just the budget as you get deeper into the planning process. For example, a lot of us had problems with the guest list – with parents or future in-laws arguing over who to invite. The best thing to do is start the communication early on. You and your Fiance should talk to his parents face-to-face and see if you can either nail down a number, or ask if they will contribute to specific things (venue, rehearsal dinner, bar tab, etc.).
Post # 4
You’re not crazy. How are you supposed to know how much you have to spend without knowing how much they are willing to contribute?
Post # 5
Not crazy. My in-laws (and probably my parents, who knows), have pretty much said “yeah, just give us the bill.” My “dream wedding” is not a dream wedding if it costs 50k for 80 guests. Value matters to me.
Post # 6
@Kitt0nMitt0ns: No. You need to know how much his parents are contributing and add it to what your family is contributing and what you and your Fiance can contribute, that is your budget.
Money is finite. I don’t care if you’re marrying into the Kennedys. Everyone has a budget and a stopping point somewhere. He has to realize that by not helping you budget, he’s going to screw you guys in the end when you don’t have enough cash to cover everything because he’s being flippant.
Post # 7
well they said they would discuss it with your fi, so have him talk to them about it before hand.
if your Fiance has his heart set on this, and is acting as if a budget is nothing then tell him you and your family can pay “x amount of money” and anything more than that will need to be paid for by him or his family.
he will either agree or change his mind.
Post # 8
Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. If he won’t talk about this budget with you, how are you going to discuss household finances down the line?
Put your foot down. Either EVERYONE who is directly involved in this wedding (your parents, you, your fiance, his parents) get together and discuss contributions and expectations, or you stay with the original budget. While it would be rude to discuss cost with an outside party, that does not apply to the bride. You need to make vendor decisions and put down deposits. That means you need a firm number on what they’re contributing. You also need to know what their expectations will be in return for the contribution, e.g. more say in the guest lists, more say in the decor, whatever.
Post # 9
I would be very nervous signing a contract to a venue that is out of my price range soley relying on the word (or word of mouth) from my ils. I would want something more concrete. Good luck.
Post # 10
@Kitt0nMitt0ns: Is his discomfort with money talk only in relation to the wedding? I’m normally of the opinion that family stuff is very personal and unique to each family and shouldn’t be meddled with if you can avoid it. So if they want to drive a dumptruck full of money up to your home and your Fiance thinks this is perfectly normal I’d smile and say thank you – also if they’d like to drive it up to MY home I’d throw in a box of oreos and a happy dance 😉 But if he can’t talk to you about budget issues in general I think that would be a big deal.
Post # 11
Hello – Thanks for the Advice.. He is not normally so ‘nonchalant’ about these kinds of things. i think he parents bsically told him – we will over whatever you need, but we only want to discuss it with you.. So it is hard.. Luckily, we just saw the venue and spoke with the coordinator who laid out the financials and he is being a bit more cognizant of budget.. now he is tyring to cut down on other areas in place of the venue (i.e.- a CAKE) which is a whooolllleee nother issue.. haha
Anyone else have a Groomzilla?