(Closed) FH’s way of honoring his father at our wedding….please help….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5170 posts
Bee Keeper

Eek! Don’t worry, it creeped me out a bit too when I read it.. it kinda seems like a funeral.. except with ashed.. I think an empty chair with a picture of him would be more appropriate, remember him how he was not in his current state sort of deal. Your groom could also pass and put a flower or something there for him when he walks by. You could also put a little tribute to him in your wedding program and have a little speech during the reception. 

Post # 4
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m cool with the ashes – but not walking them down the aisle…

i would compromise by letting him put them on a table (like we had a picture table of our grandparents and parents on their wedding day) at the reception if he is set on having the ashes.

but if you are trying to avoid the ashes all together there are tons of other ways to remember someone. Lighting a candle ( maybe on your sweetheart or head table) in memory of him? you could write him into your program.

i saw this the other day. thought it was sweet


Post # 6
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yea I wouldn’t be very happy with this either. I like the empty chair/picture memorial idea. And maybe if he wants to have a piece of his father with him on the day he could wear something of his? A favorite tie, cufflinks, something like that?

Post # 7
849 posts
Busy bee

It creeps me out too, but if that’s what he really wants to do I would still let him do it. I like @CorgiTales suggestion a lot though, I’d still keep suggesting things to him and hope one sticks.

Post # 8
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Honestly, it kinda creeps me out too, and it will probably creep out a lot of your guests. Would he be opposed to wearing a necklace under his shirt and close to his heart?

There are many companies that will make special necklaces that have the ash inside or they can make one out of bone. If you do a search for “memory ash men’s jewelry”, there are a few that come up. You can also call some of the funeral homes in your area to see what they have to offer. Here is a link to an example of what I am commenting about: http://www.jewelrykeepsakes.com/Men-Urn-Pendants-s/114.htm

Post # 9
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Maybe the ashes on the chair behind a picture of him.. idk if his heart is set on the ashes thats a good way to do it and semi hide it , but I would not be ok with the ashes being walked down the isle.. I feel like that is very much like a funeral.

Post # 10
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My uncle brought my aunt (mom’s sister) to Thanksgiving this year.  My aunt died last summer.  I told my mom and grandparents that he’s welcome to bring her to the wedding, should he ask.

I could see setting the urn on a table in the back at the ceremony.  Not carrying it down the aisle though.  Maybe if his death was still at the forefront of the whole family’s mind (like if he’d died a few months prior), but he’ll have been gone for well over two years.

Post # 11
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think it’s appropriate either. Is there something of his father’s he could wear or carry (similar to how brides put photos of their grandmothers on their bouquets?)

Or, if he insists, maybe the urn near a photo of him.

Post # 13
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Why would he want someone to walk the ashes down the aisle? Even if his father were alive he wouldnt walk down the aisle, atleast most fathers of the groom dont. I think ashes should be left at home in a safe place..

Post # 15
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Awww so sad and sorry for him.  And you certainly know him better than us with not being too pushy about it, and supporting him, good for you!  Hope you guys can figure something out that works for the both of you! Good luck!

Post # 16
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

What if there was an empty chair or picture and Fiance walked over and put a rose on it?

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