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My FH and I are gamers to the same extent, so luckily it's not too bad. But his roommate in college was so addicted to his X-box that he lost his longterm girlfriend over it and failed 3 courses. He even met someone on the network and invited him to a football game from seven states away. I would suggest talking to him about it and letting him know how much it bothers him -- see if he would be okay setting a limit on his playing time or playing when you're not there.
My fiance is a gamer as well, but he doesn't play everyday. The days that he does play he plays for more than an hour or two, which can be frustrating for me because we have only one tv.
I agree, that his playing seems quite excessive. Explain to him that when he plays for hours on end, and ignores you it hurts you, and your relationship. Explain that you wouldn't mind him playing, say one and a half hours a day, but to help your relationship he needs to limit his time playing the games.
As far as buying games, I would say that that is more of a money issue, that definitely needs to be dealt with. You guys need to be on the same page about how much you spend and if you can afford things beyond the minimum.
I know firsthand how annoying this can be. When I first moved in with my FI (then boyfriend) we shared a house with his little brother and the two of them played NON-STOP... for weeks on end. I would wake up in the middle of the night, all alone in our bed, to the sounds of guns blasting and bombs dropping... I thought I was in an fing war zone. I finally had to pull him aside and tell him that this was NOT what I signed up for when I agreed to move in with him. He was much more considerate after that and would always ask if he could go play... which made me feel bad. It's not like I was saying he couldn't play, I just didn't want him playing every waking second that he wasn't at work. You know? Now that we have a place of our own we play together occasionally and it's actually a lot of fun. He just needs to realize that the two of you need quality time together. I would have a talk with him about it and try to set some boundaries.
I can completely relate! My guy is an addict and spends tons of money on accessories and games. This irks me to no end of course because I (just like you) rarely have money to spend on myself because everything I make goes toward "us" needs or my bills. I have had to talk to him repeatedly (and still do) to let him know that it bothers me that he has so much time for Xbox, but can't help out, or could use some of that extra money for our household. And he is getting better, in fact he is much much better about it now, but he still falls into his ways sometimes.
So I would suggest talking to him repeatedly. Also, why not sit down and have a frank chat about money. Chances are your guy will understand and try to help out more. Maybe together set up a system, such as he can play xbox for a half hour when he gets home from work, but then after supper you need to hang those cabinets together.
My fiance and I have a system - if I'm on Weddingbee, he can play video games. :) He is looking over my shoulder and told me to tell you that he will never grow out of it - but then he read your post and said, "Oh. That's a bit much." Have you tried talking to him about it? My fiance just suggested using it as a reward - if we finish this project, you can have xx hours on xbox. Or something like that. :) Good luck!
I have the same problem. We have had several fights over this issue, because I have felt like I was being ignored on many occasions. We're tight on money, too. Have you tried suggesting to your FI that he should sell the ones he doesn't play to Game Stop when he is done? They give awesome in store credit, and that saves a lot of money. Hopefully he will start getting to work on your house, too!
Barrister - i was going to say the same thing , my guy loves Gamestop , like you said he can get a store credit and get some used games , which would be saving you some serious $$ .
I've been thru the obsession with video games ..to the now obsession with computers. Talk to him ..tell him how u feel ..compromise.. tell him if he gets to spend 40 a mo on games , u get 40 to spend on clothes and such ...he might curve his spending if he knew what it would entail ..these are just ideas ,...i would DEF talk to him ..
My fiance is a gamer too, not only does he play a lot of x-box, but is always messing with the games on his iphone too. I got upset about it a couple of times cause he was constantly trying to squeeze in 'one more game' when we'd need to leave the house to be somewhere and overall, I just thought he was playing too much, so he cut it down to playing usually if I'm not around or while I'm doing something else. Just let him know, he probably doesn't realize it bothers you. You can't expect him to cut it out, just maybe cut it down or find other times to play that works for you both.
He is not a gamer, but he just got the Iphone and I swear I am going to throw the stupid thing out the wind. URGH. I HATE APPLE~!!!!
I would tread softly here. Only because .. hmm you can look at it this way: gaming to him is the same as shopping or hanging out with friends for us women. So you don't want to rub off as if you don't approve of him playing or that he misunderstands and thinks he is not allowed to play it, or even need your permission to play. Because for the most part, women nowadays don't ask their husbands if they can go out shopping, they tell their husbands and unless something really important is up, he'll be okay with it, right? Talk to him, and tell him that you would like some quality time together as well. Also, if you are up for it, it would benefit you to game with him sometimes. It will be like two birds with one stone, quality time, and his gaming. GL!
I think people may be taking this a little too lightly. This literally sounds like an addiction: he can't stop spending money he doesn't have on it, he spends time he doesn't have on it too (he technically should "owe" you and your house some time, right?) and that kind of sucks for your relationship--he isn't respecting that you need time together nor that he has responsibilities that come before gaming, like redoing the house.
You need to have a frank talk with him ASAP! He'll just think its ok if you keep letting it go!
My ex boyfriend was like that. It used to bug the living crap out of me. So when he wouldn't acknowledge my existence afte 3 years of the crap, I turned the x-box off and unplugged it to make sure he heard me. OH, the look on his face!! PRICELESS. Needless to say, I broke up with him...best 3 minutes of my life!
I think your FI should be understanding, fix the freakin kitchen and quit with the video games. I know it might sound bad, but you could just tell him that if he can't get the kitchen done in a timely fashion, the x-box will be sold. I mean really. Come on.
My DH used to be addicted to xbox, specifically Halo and Halo 2. It was annoying but good for me he used to play pretty late at night so if I was spending the night I would go to sleep and he would stay up and play. He still plays games with FBIL til pretty late but hes not nearly as bad as he used to be. It helps we have a Wii so we can play that together with fun games. Maybe ask him to only play excessively when you are not home and when you are home spend time together. Or get a game you can both enjoy :)
I do NOT think you should just keep trying to let it go after four years. This sounds really really unhealthy and a serious talk is needed, I think. It doesn't sound like it's fair to compare it to shopping or somethin g- I mean, this is taking up the vast majority of his time outside of work! It seems crazy to me. I like our xbox and all, my FI and I play together frequently. But how often your FI is playing and how he ignores you while he's doing it sounds like it's really hurting your relationship. He won't just grow out of it, this does literally sound like an addiction.
I had a similar situation with my fiance. What it came down to was some serious problems between us and me keeping it bottled inside. As with any situation, that is never a good thing. However, we did finally get to the root of it and he realized how much of a stress it put on our relationship. I am also a gamer, but I prefer online games or the music games. I do not play Halo, Call of Duty, Gears of War, PGR or Madden. LOL We have a similar agreement as someone mentioned above....if i am on Weddingbee or doing something on the computer, he is allowed to play. Sometimes he will play while I make dinner, but once I am done, we sit down to eat and then watch a movie or a show together. That is the end of his xbox time now. He still plays quite a bit, but we have come to an understanding that when it get to be too much I tell him and he may get upset about right then and there but he always realizes I tell him this for the good of our relationship. This is not to say, that i completely dictate his xbox time. If I know its been a few days, and he asks what we are doing i will suggest if he wants to play xbox I will play Pogo (online games) or work on this or that for the wedding. I'll be honest, I have no idea how we really came to reach our gaming "medium", but somehow we did and its working for us. I hope you can find yours!
I TOTALLY feel your pain!!! :) If I have to hear the audio to "Call of Duty" one more time...I'm throwing the game out the window. FI does try to be considerate about it though...he always asks me if I mind if he plays, which is very considerate and something that I'm sure most guys don't do! I'm okay with it, because he works hard...and it's something he enjoys...but yeah, there are definitely times that it gets on my nerves. Honestly though...I probably spend as much time on weddingbee as he plays video games!! :)
LOL @ Maybee - FI has Gears of War not COD, but I feel the same some days....if I hear that darn chainsaw one more time.....LOL Not to mention the graphics! I tried to get him to turn off the "gore" but he said thats half the fun!
It sounds like he doesn't know how to prioritize your relationship - details of gaming aside. Any hobby is healthy in moderation, no? I'd worry about a guy who can't look up from what he's doing, regardless of what it is.
I do sympathize with all the "gaming widows". FI has gotten better since we've been together, before then he was totally obsessed. He's sold Xbox games he doesn't play, and is mostly into Sim computer games. Y'know those games that suck you in and you need to play for 3-4 hours at a time?
We compromise-he plays them before I get home from work. When I'm home, we pay attention to each other. He is always on his phone, and sometimes I want to chuck it out the window, but I'm just as guilty of it sometimes.
Your FI seems to have a serious addiction. If my FI walked over and turned on the xbox as I was watching TV, he'd learn real quick not to do that! It's fine in moderation, but your FI needs to learn that his relationship comes before his gaming habit!
Good luck!
I am so lucky that my boys video games are online school applications. That being said, if y'all are struggling to pay the bills, it's irresponsible of him to be buying games without talking about it with you. Is there any area you can cut your spending so you each can have a monthly allowance?
I went through someting similar. I was the enabler though; I BOUGHT him the Xbox. For a few months, okay I lie, it was about a year. He was all about Halo 3. I mean he played it nonstop. For hours and hours. All of his friends had it, his nephew, broinlaw...I made him stop playing when I "accidentally" misplaced the controller and "forgot" to preorder a game for him. yes it was A HUGE argument. But he knew he'd been wrong. I mean he didn't speak to me for a few days but that was okay. He still plays his games but now it's usually for no more than an hour a few times a week and when I'm doing wedding related things. And then I do'nt care because i appreciate the time to myself. I remember i used to tell him he looked fat playing the game. I took pictures of him sititng on the couch with that gamer "open mouth" look. very unflattering. I also refused to cook, wash his clothes or buy him bodywash during his addiction. Sometimes I'd pick at those pesky little blackheds on his face while he was playing....i made it pretty unbearable.
I HAVE BEEN THERE. Trust me, it was terrible. Wasn't so bad in the beginnind, I even tried to play games too, so he would "like me more". We were engaged as well, but EVERY DAY he came home and played those dang games. He even had the huge big screen tv in his "game room" and the little tv in the living room. He always ignored me, and if I wanted to talk to him about something important, it was like pulling teeth since he was always on that damn headset! I have honestly been in your position 100%, and my EX-fiancee even worked at a video game store, where he played games all day at work! It was so annoying to be ignored day after day. I planned our wedding all by myself, with help from my mom and his mom. He didn't put in a single word. Had no opinions. It was terrible. He then left me 12 days before the wedding, since he fell outta love with me. I am not saying at all that this is where your relationship is heading, but I want you to know something that it took me a while to learn. It's so easy to make excuses for him-working hard all day, just wanting to relax, a new video game...But LISTEN: That video game is not going to disappear if he does not play it right when he get's home. His xbox will not break if it was not played directly after work, and his gamer-tag won't be deleted after 1 day of non-use, nor will his team members on Gears of War forget who he is if he takes out the trash first. There are priorities, and YOU are one of them. You should take priority over Halo, or a difficult acheivment. There is nothing wrong with him playing his game for a little bit, as long as priorities are taken care of first. Have a sit down with him. Say you don't mind him playing games, that you understand that is his "out" and "destressor" lol. But there are things that need to be taken care of around the house. Does he really want to live in a place that is so unfinished? Putting it off means it will never get done. Simple as that. Put it off once, you will put it off again. Can you schedule a time where you both work on the kitchen-so he won't feel it is such a daunting task for only him to undertake? Sit him down and work some sort of schedule out. Like every other day, he has to complete something around the house. Put up a few cabinets, the next day he can play his games. Then it can be finish the rest of the cabinets and take out the trash. Then another day, help you make dinner-a nice sit down one you both can enjoy. Maybe plan an outing together, that you both will like. Make it so that he still will have time for himself, and that you aren't taking that away.
But remember, you, nor your house, should come last to his xbox. Trust me, I made the excuses for my ex and have learned so much from that relationship, so I truly hope you take what I say to heart. I know it's not terrible, but it is so frustrating, and honestly only get's worse. I had the same fears as you too. You guys really need to sit down, and honestly, no matter how close the wedding is, I would put it off until he is willing to put forth some effort. Because if he won't change now, he won't later either, and it will only get worse, not better. I have experienced that.
Keep me updated, okay hun?
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...anyone else have this problem? Sometimes I seriously just want to break the thing. He just came home with a new game and controller, together costing over $50. I know that may not seem like a lot to some people but when we struggle to pay all of our bills some months, it does matter to me. I tend to not buy anything for myself (I can't even remember the last time I went clothes shopping for fun, the only things I've bought this year are a dress for my showers/engagement pics and a new shirt for the engagement pics). Since it's a new game I can count on being ignored for a least two days while he plays it non-stop (while he's not at work). I really truly wouldn't mind if it was just for an hour or two but once he starts he seriously cannot stop. And right now we are living in a house we are currently remodeling, and we still have no kitchen. I mean nothing, no cabinets, no fridge, stove, microwave, sink, nothing. I help him whenever we work on the house, but there's no way I can install the cabinets by myself while he plays his games! We've been living like this for about a month now. I can understand that he needs to relax some when he comes home from work, but everyday, for hours on end? He goes so far as to turn it on even when I'm watching a show or a movie, completely interrupting, and not even asking. I've really tried letting it go, but after four years this is still making me really upset! Right now I have a bridesmaid/groomsmen waiting for me to answer an immediate question for them, but I need to talk to FI about it, and he won't even acknowledge that I'm trying to talk to him!
Am I being completely irrational? Please tell me that someone else out there has this problem, and that I'm not alone. Do they ever outgrow it? Sometimes I get scared to have kids (way in the future) because I'm afraid of times like this when I'll have to come home and deal with them all by myself the whole night while he goes and plays his games.