Post # 1
…anyone else have this problem? Sometimes I seriously just want to break the thing. He just came home with a new game and controller, together costing over $50. I know that may not seem like a lot to some people but when we struggle to pay all of our bills some months, it does matter to me. I tend to not buy anything for myself (I can’t even remember the last time I went clothes shopping for fun, the only things I’ve bought this year are a dress for my showers/engagement pics and a new shirt for the engagement pics). Since it’s a new game I can count on being ignored for a least two days while he plays it non-stop (while he’s not at work). I really truly wouldn’t mind if it was just for an hour or two but once he starts he seriously cannot stop. And right now we are living in a house we are currently remodeling, and we still have no kitchen. I mean nothing, no cabinets, no fridge, stove, microwave, sink, nothing. I help him whenever we work on the house, but there’s no way I can install the cabinets by myself while he plays his games! We’ve been living like this for about a month now. I can understand that he needs to relax some when he comes home from work, but everyday, for hours on end? He goes so far as to turn it on even when I’m watching a show or a movie, completely interrupting, and not even asking. I’ve really tried letting it go, but after four years this is still making me really upset! Right now I have a bridesmaid/groomsmen waiting for me to answer an immediate question for them, but I need to talk to FI about it, and he won’t even acknowledge that I’m trying to talk to him!
Am I being completely irrational? Please tell me that someone else out there has this problem, and that I’m not alone. Do they ever outgrow it? Sometimes I get scared to have kids (way in the future) because I’m afraid of times like this when I’ll have to come home and deal with them all by myself the whole night while he goes and plays his games.
Post # 3
My FH and I are gamers to the same extent, so luckily it’s not too bad. But his roommate in college was so addicted to his X-box that he lost his longterm girlfriend over it and failed 3 courses. He even met someone on the network and invited him to a football game from seven states away. I would suggest talking to him about it and letting him know how much it bothers him — see if he would be okay setting a limit on his playing time or playing when you’re not there.
Post # 4
My fiance is a gamer as well, but he doesn’t play everyday. The days that he does play he plays for more than an hour or two, which can be frustrating for me because we have only one tv.
I agree, that his playing seems quite excessive. Explain to him that when he plays for hours on end, and ignores you it hurts you, and your relationship. Explain that you wouldn’t mind him playing, say one and a half hours a day, but to help your relationship he needs to limit his time playing the games.
As far as buying games, I would say that that is more of a money issue, that definitely needs to be dealt with. You guys need to be on the same page about how much you spend and if you can afford things beyond the minimum.
Post # 5
I know firsthand how annoying this can be. When I first moved in with my FI (then boyfriend) we shared a house with his little brother and the two of them played NON-STOP… for weeks on end. I would wake up in the middle of the night, all alone in our bed, to the sounds of guns blasting and bombs dropping… I thought I was in an fing war zone. I finally had to pull him aside and tell him that this was NOT what I signed up for when I agreed to move in with him. He was much more considerate after that and would always ask if he could go play… which made me feel bad. It’s not like I was saying he couldn’t play, I just didn’t want him playing every waking second that he wasn’t at work. You know? Now that we have a place of our own we play together occasionally and it’s actually a lot of fun. He just needs to realize that the two of you need quality time together. I would have a talk with him about it and try to set some boundaries.
Post # 6
I can completely relate! My guy is an addict and spends tons of money on accessories and games. This irks me to no end of course because I (just like you) rarely have money to spend on myself because everything I make goes toward "us" needs or my bills. I have had to talk to him repeatedly (and still do) to let him know that it bothers me that he has so much time for Xbox, but can’t help out, or could use some of that extra money for our household. And he is getting better, in fact he is much much better about it now, but he still falls into his ways sometimes.
So I would suggest talking to him repeatedly. Also, why not sit down and have a frank chat about money. Chances are your guy will understand and try to help out more. Maybe together set up a system, such as he can play xbox for a half hour when he gets home from work, but then after supper you need to hang those cabinets together.
Post # 7
My fiance and I have a system – if I’m on Weddingbee, he can play video games. 🙂 He is looking over my shoulder and told me to tell you that he will never grow out of it – but then he read your post and said, "Oh. That’s a bit much." Have you tried talking to him about it? My fiance just suggested using it as a reward – if we finish this project, you can have xx hours on xbox. Or something like that. 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 8
I have the same problem. We have had several fights over this issue, because I have felt like I was being ignored on many occasions. We’re tight on money, too. Have you tried suggesting to your FI that he should sell the ones he doesn’t play to Game Stop when he is done? They give awesome in store credit, and that saves a lot of money. Hopefully he will start getting to work on your house, too!
Post # 9
Barrister – i was going to say the same thing , my guy loves Gamestop , like you said he can get a store credit and get some used games , which would be saving you some serious $$ .
I’ve been thru the obsession with video games ..to the now obsession with computers. Talk to him ..tell him how u feel ..compromise.. tell him if he gets to spend 40 a mo on games , u get 40 to spend on clothes and such …he might curve his spending if he knew what it would entail ..these are just ideas ,…i would DEF talk to him ..
Post # 10
My fiance is a gamer too, not only does he play a lot of x-box, but is always messing with the games on his iphone too. I got upset about it a couple of times cause he was constantly trying to squeeze in ‘one more game’ when we’d need to leave the house to be somewhere and overall, I just thought he was playing too much, so he cut it down to playing usually if I’m not around or while I’m doing something else. Just let him know, he probably doesn’t realize it bothers you. You can’t expect him to cut it out, just maybe cut it down or find other times to play that works for you both.
Post # 11
He is not a gamer, but he just got the Iphone and I swear I am going to throw the stupid thing out the wind. URGH. I HATE APPLE~!!!!
Post # 12
I would tread softly here. Only because .. hmm you can look at it this way: gaming to him is the same as shopping or hanging out with friends for us women. So you don’t want to rub off as if you don’t approve of him playing or that he misunderstands and thinks he is not allowed to play it, or even need your permission to play. Because for the most part, women nowadays don’t ask their husbands if they can go out shopping, they tell their husbands and unless something really important is up, he’ll be okay with it, right? Talk to him, and tell him that you would like some quality time together as well. Also, if you are up for it, it would benefit you to game with him sometimes. It will be like two birds with one stone, quality time, and his gaming. GL!
Post # 13
I think people may be taking this a little too lightly. This literally sounds like an addiction: he can’t stop spending money he doesn’t have on it, he spends time he doesn’t have on it too (he technically should "owe" you and your house some time, right?) and that kind of sucks for your relationship–he isn’t respecting that you need time together nor that he has responsibilities that come before gaming, like redoing the house.
You need to have a frank talk with him ASAP! He’ll just think its ok if you keep letting it go!
Post # 14
My ex boyfriend was like that. It used to bug the living crap out of me. So when he wouldn’t acknowledge my existence afte 3 years of the crap, I turned the x-box off and unplugged it to make sure he heard me. OH, the look on his face!! PRICELESS. Needless to say, I broke up with him…best 3 minutes of my life!
I think your FI should be understanding, fix the freakin kitchen and quit with the video games. I know it might sound bad, but you could just tell him that if he can’t get the kitchen done in a timely fashion, the x-box will be sold. I mean really. Come on.
Post # 15
My DH used to be addicted to xbox, specifically Halo and Halo 2. It was annoying but good for me he used to play pretty late at night so if I was spending the night I would go to sleep and he would stay up and play. He still plays games with FBIL til pretty late but hes not nearly as bad as he used to be. It helps we have a Wii so we can play that together with fun games. Maybe ask him to only play excessively when you are not home and when you are home spend time together. Or get a game you can both enjoy 🙂
Post # 16
I do NOT think you should just keep trying to let it go after four years. This sounds really really unhealthy and a serious talk is needed, I think. It doesn’t sound like it’s fair to compare it to shopping or somethin g- I mean, this is taking up the vast majority of his time outside of work! It seems crazy to me. I like our xbox and all, my FI and I play together frequently. But how often your FI is playing and how he ignores you while he’s doing it sounds like it’s really hurting your relationship. He won’t just grow out of it, this does literally sound like an addiction.