FI and I can't agree on budget and venue. Help!

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 2
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Take a step back.

Each of you should think about what the 3 most important aspects of the wedding are to you and write them down, ranked most to least important.

Then think of the 3 least important things, write them down.

Now compare and discuss the priorities so that you come to an agreement on what is most important and least important.

It may open both of your eyes and help you to plan the event that works for you both. 

Post # 3
262 posts
Helper bee

remind him that the OTHER vendors arent free, sometimes all inclusive packages are cheaper than piecing it together yourself. 


also remind yourself that it is ONE day.  pick a guest list of MUST, then WANTS, and help him see how many are MUSTS because per head costs rise up

Post # 4
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I would take some time to enjoy your engagement before you dive head first into wedding planning stress. You’ve got quite a bit of time. Celebrate your exciting news for a little while. 

Post # 5
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I didn’t want to sacrifice on our guest list either but now that it has come down to it I really just want close friends and family and have changed my guest list from 140 to about 100. If you two can come up with a realistic guest list that both of you whole hardedly agree on and it is more than 80, then you should propably look at some different venues. If it is under or at 80 then stick with the winery.

Personally, I would rather have that extra money you have left from not paying for a venue, and putting it towards the nice touches that really add to your big day. Each person is different though so start with your list and pick a few places to look at, budget them out and then decide which one would be best. Budgeting them out will really make a different on where it fits with the budget. Don’t leave anything out either, like tax and service charge. Those make a huge difference in your venue selection as well.

Post # 6
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Budget dictates EVERYTHING. You have to be open and compromise on a lot of things. With that little of a budget you have to figure out things. Is the winery supplying tables and chairs as well or will you have to rent them, does it include an in house caterer or will the food be extra? don’t forget drinks as those are typically not included with food.  A hair and makeup person you can do without if it’s not in the budget. Will either set of parents be offering anything to help costs? What about dress, veil, tux or suit? cake? bridal party gifts, all the extras? Decor? Invites, postage, accessories, etc. It all adds up fast. 

Try using a free online wedding budget planner and put in your budget and it will help determine the cost of each area that you will need. It’s a very small budget for 120 people, but if you have to buy or rent a lot for the winery, maybe an all inclusive or free park area with just cake and punch? Plus, most wedding budgets end up going over. 

You have to look at all aspects. It’s a good thing you are starting early. 

Post # 7
2081 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


LadyBlackheart:  You know what? When I was planning my wedding I felt exactly like you do now and my husband thought along the same lines as your FI. He thought having the down payment for a house was far more important than the wedding and he didnt see why we had to worry about a single thing other than food and cheap booze for our guests. We argued a lot over things in the beginning and eventually did come out with a plan we both like that wasn’t too extravagant. But looking back on it now, I really wish I had not been so caught up in the wedding thing. Yes the day was beautiful and I’ll never, ever forget it, but it really is just one day out of the rest of your life. If someone had offered me a free venue when I was planning I would have jumped on it and in retrospect I probably would have spent a little less on all of it in order to have more put away for our actual future. I guess what I’m saying is that I think your FI has a good point. But I also think he needs to loosen up a little on the strict $5,000 figure.

Post # 8
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We had a wedding of 60 people and we only spent about 3k but it was very much a DIY wedding but honestly we didn’t even want a receptions lol we just wanted to go on our honeymoon to Disney World! On the other hand my sister’s wedding was all inclusive (venue, inn for them to stay.. guests had to pay, photographer, DJ, cake, etc) and it cost her about 15-20k. You CAN make 5k work but money gets spent real fast! 

Post # 9
716 posts
Busy bee

Here’s my suggestion – ask your fiance to please go with you to see ~3 venues of different appearance, size, price.  Tell him that you would like to at least see what your options are so that you can assess what you’re getting vs. what you’re spending.  For example, maybe there’s a $6,000 alternative that is materially better because you like it better or because it can accomodate more people for a lower price per person?  Ask you fiance to allow you to do the research.

Post # 11
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Glad you came to a decision that works for you. For us, the venue was our big splurge, but everyone has different priorities 🙂

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