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A few weeks ago FI and I moved in together; we didn't tell the rents cause honestly we didn't want to hear it.
So, FMIl needed to mail something to FI about this car and asked him to confrim (his now old) address. So he gave her the new address...and she went on a rampage about it. Whatever, we expected that and it was smoothed over.
Then we went over there last week and FFIL asked us how we liked our new apt. We said it was fine. Then he asked how much we were paying for a 2- bedroom?
CUE SILENCE.
After the deafening silence, FI says "oh it's a one bedroom"
FFIL: "what does that mean?"
FI: it means it's a one bedroom
Im just about dying on the inside as we sat there is silence for a few more moments, before FFIL decided to let it go and ask about something else.
Oh lord, Bees it was sooooooooo awkward......
How did you parents take it when you decided to move in together?
Well I lived with my parents when we started dating, so first I had to do the awkward "I'm spending the night at my bf's house" thing. It took me a few weeks to work up the nerve to say that, and then once I finally did she surprisingly said, "good, I'm happy for you." and actually meant it.
So I wasn't too worried about telling my mom I was going to move in with him. It was more my grandma that had an issue with it. She pretended, in her mind, that we were already married so it was ok. She would literally call him my husband. Whatever makes her happy!
Hahaha...I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but it's a little funny :) My parents didn't say anything specifically, but I remember it being super awkward when we moved it together and I was talking to my mom about getting a new mattress, and she was like, oh, one mattress? And I was like, "Umm yess...for our one bed..."
My parent we're very very very angry but we are financially independent so they couldn't do anything about it.
Your FFIL thought your sleeping in different bedrooms?! Awkward.
We dated for a year before living together, and my mom actually asked when we would be moving in together! haha. Needless to say, my mom is VERY liberal. His family was happy for us and didnt care at all.
HAHA @everyone.
That also reminded me of the night we got engaged. FI got a nice hotel toom for us. And when he called his mom to tell him news, she asked who else was at the hotel with us? Fi said No one. ANd she's like "what do you mean no one, it's just you two?!!!!"
UGHHHHHHH so awkward.....
My parents seemed pretty calm when I told them my fiance and I were moving in together. Which actually surprised me - I knew they weren't opposed to cohabitation, but at the time I'd been dating my fiance for 3 months or so and they'd never met him. Turned out, they moved in together after a similar period of time. But I think they also figured that if I was making this decision, it must be a good one, which really felt nice.
My brother and his girlfriend moved in together last winter after 4-5 years of dating (they're mid-twenties and few of their friends have gotten engaged/married yet). My parents were ECSTATIC. Their excitement over the two of them cohabitating was close to the excitement over me and my fiance getting engaged.
I know my family is a little extreme, but I do not know a single couple that waited until they were married to cohabitate. I know one couple that got engaged when they moved in together, but that's the closest. Sometimes it can be a little bit of a shock to people from older generations, but it's very, very normal and I would argue that there's reasons why it's a good idea.
I was subletting a creepy basement 1 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn prior to moving in with my BF (now he's my DH), so my parents were psyched when I told him I was moving to a much safer neighborhood with someone they knew and trusted.
I pretty much had to ask permission from my parents which they only granted because they were certain we would be engaged soon. And this is even though I am 32 and do not live in teh same country as them hahaha. West African parents..sheesh.
Well, my husband & I are high school sweethearts. So when the time came when we could afford to move out on our own & start planing to get married, our parents was thrilled for us & expected it! My mom was sad though. But very happy for us at the same time, if that makes since. They all knew the days we had appointments to look at apartments, ect. So it was no surprise. My husband's dad asked how much we are spending but it wasn't akward. He just wanted to know in case he found something bigger for a better price. & He has found ALOT of nice houses, ect in our budget. But no pets allowed keeps us in our one bedroom apartment. lol
My bf just started coming over more and more and made REALLYYYYYYYYYYY good friends with my parents as a result.
Then he slept over now and then in a different room. Then he snuck in now and then to my room. (More like every night 
) My parents allowed him to sleep over because he was having major issues at his own house. They gave him 'shelter' basically.
Then we were just in the same room together before you know it. (He bought his own place and moved out shortly after but then still came over and I went over periodically.) I did not prefer to move in.
It was gradual and so seemed 'okay'.
My parents are VERYYYYYYYYY liberal for South Asians. And we weren't even all brought up here. I am/was in TOTAL SHOCK. "I" wasn't whole-heartedly ok with having my bf over THAT much but my parents were surprisingly FINE with it. THAT'S awkward on a whole different level. 
I got a lecture on how my parents didn't approve of cohabitating before marriage, but they didn't do it in front of my husband (then BF). I would have been 20 times more embarrassed if they had decided to rant on in front of him!
omg LOL! I am sure you were going through hell but thats sooooooooooo funny!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!! Why were your parents and inlaws so dead set on you not living together? Very traditional?
@Sasha2011: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! SOUTH ASIAN??????????!!!!!!!!!!???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do your parents happen to want to adopt me? please?
Hahhahha omg I'm sorry, I couldn't help but laugh at that story!!
I moved in with my FI when I was 19 and he was 23. We had only been dating about 9 or 10 months I think. They were NOT happy, but I was an adult so there wasn't much they could do.
It's sometimes still an area of tension because my mom didn't want to tell HER parents. Which meant not telling any of my aunts/uncles/cousins, etc for fear that word would get back to them.
After we got engaged I gave up on keeping secrets from my entire family and started dropping hints in conversation that we were living together. My mom flipped her shit, but honestly, we're getting married next year and we've been living together for 5 years... I'm so over it!
LMAOO thats hilarious! Yea we live together as well. My mom thought I was joking when I told her we were going to move in together but eventually she has relaxed. She even came to visit lol. My dad on the other hand did not know until about a month ago (we have been living together for about 10 months). I just got tired of lying to him lol so one day I just up and said "oh btw so and so and I are living together I didn't tell you bcus you are so old school." His reaction was surprising actually. He felt bad cus everybody knew except for him lol.
That would be so awkward!!!
My parents are still against cohabitating but when then BF (my now husband) and I moved in together they didn't make a big deal about it. He was the first guy that I'd gotten serious with that my parents actually liked so I think that helped. His parents didn't mind at all. Everyone had a feeling we'd end up getting married from basically the beginning of our relationship though (us included) so we luckily had a lot of support.
FI (then just my boyfriend) and I rekindled our romance while I was living in Japan. About six months before I planned to move back to the US, I had to come home for a family emergency. While my dad and I were in the car together, he asked me what my habitation plans were when I got home. I told him I planned to get my own place. So then he looked at me and said some of the most awkward things I've ever heard come from his mouth. He said:
"Have you and BF thought about shacking up together? Live on your own for a bit, but after six months or so, you two could shack up. I mean, I don't want you to just go around shacking up with any guy you date, but if it's only one or two during your whole life, I think that's great. You and BF are pretty serious, so why not? Besides, you wouldn't be the first MyLastName to have shacked up together before marriage. Your mother and I did. My parents knew we were shacked up together, but your mom's parents never found out. Your grandfather would be rolling in his grave right now if he heard what happened. But we did, and it was fine. So I think you two should shack up."
Please note that this is the man who still won't even let me say the word "bikini" in front of him because that's too grown up of a word for his little girl. I was so red, and I couldn't get out of the car fast enough when we got home. It was bad enough that he was talking about FI and I living together, but then he just kept using the phrase "shack up" over and over. He made it SO AWKWARD.
Needless to say, when FI and I moved in together a year after I got home and long after we were engaged, my parents were fine with it.
Ugh. I'm turning pink again just thinking about that car ride.
My parents didn't even question it. It's probably because of the stage I'm at in my life. I'm old :)
@MrsNeutrino: Lol!!!!! I am sure they will!
I think it had a lot to do with my age/responsibility level. I was in my late-20s, I was helping pay for the house as well and was a good samaritan with them overall.
Plus my mom figured that it's a lot less likely we will have sex in her house than outside in some hotel/motel somewhere. She preferred we came home from work and had our [decent] conversations in earshot. 
She was partially right... it is impossible to have sex in your parens house with them just next door!
And my dad was of course the 'Mr. Niceguy' who let my bf stay over to shelter him from family abuse/drama. And also he could keep a keen eye on him.
If you think about it, they did use their 'South Asian' thinking, but in a very 'think outside the box' way. Lol!
But definitely still shocking though.
@GreenEyedMoon: hahahahhah, that is he funniest thing ever.
@plantains: See, I just couldn't do the asking for permission thing anymore; they take that ish and run with it. My mom says she embarrassed at how "american" I have become. Hello, born and raised in NYC, went to a preppy, liberal new england college! Unfortunately some of the Ghanaian is gonna get somewhat diluted at some point. ::shrugs:: I can't believe you were 32!!! You are a wayyyy better child than I, haha.
@MrsNeutrino: yes, they are traditional. His mom is very Catholic.
Neither set of parents cared whatsoever. We told them and they were basically like, "oh, that's nice."
It seems like all our of family members have lived together before marriage so it probably would have been weird if we didn't.
LMAO. Wow. He is aware that it is 2011 right?
That just blows my mind. Our parents were begging us to move in together so we could save on gas and utilities haha.
Oh, bless your heart. How awkward for you two! We didn't move in together till we were married, so we avoided that one. But I can tell you that had we not waited...it would have been painful telling my parents.
Mum: So my daughter, what is this I heard about you and Emeka living in the same house?
Auber: Well mummy, we are trying to save money before the wedding so one rent is better than two. I mean, financially it helps...
Mum: *Screams* You this American girl. You want to kill me! Eh!! What will I tell my church people and aunty fola and uncle obi? Remember that girl who lived with her boyfriend? Remember what happened to her? Don't say I didn't warn you oh. I can't believe you.......
To PP, think of many of the generalizations one has of 'traditional parents' and multiply it by 100. It doesn't matter how old you are. A friend of mine, at 30, moved in with her bf. The guy never picked up the house phone. When her parents visited, he 'de-boyfriended' the apartment etc. Good luck Aubergold :) I'm in my early 30's, I haven't lived at home since 18. My mum would not have told me NOT to move in with him, but the waves of 'tsunami-like' disapproval would have been intense.
@bRooklynRocks: NAIL. ON. THE. HEAD. LMAO. Especially when they bring up stories about other kids!!!
LOL I know this isnt supposed to be funny, but the picture I got in my head when you described this was like a tv show or soemthing everyone just sitting there in akward silence. I am sorry this happened!! I know nobody likes those uncomfortable moments. Haha I take it his parents are a little old fashioned. lol Our parents werent really surprised that we moved in together or anything. I think they were more concerned witht the pre marital pregnancy lol. Oh well everyone got over it. Things as you say smooth over in time :) Good luck.
@bRooklynRocks: LMMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! OMG I just died at my desk...hahahhahaha! I could LITERALLY hear my Mom thru ur words, smdh...what is this? Hahaha!!
@Auber: I dont live with FI yet but we are trying to buy a house soon, so our plan was to do the civil ceremony that way we'd be married on paper and be saving money to pay for and plan the wedding. My parents were cool with it at first but like this past Saturday my Mom was like "well eh I dont know about that, have you told your Father?" I'm like WHAT! You guys were cool with it a few months ago! Now that it's 4 weeks away you want to renege? Ha! Not happening
AND LMAOOO @ the hotel situation! I told my parents we were going to MIA for our anniversarry and my Dad gave me this very awkward lecture on how it's nothing wrong with being pregnant but he doesnt want our baby to be sitting on his lap on the wedding day, and it's okay if I'm pregnant on my wedding day but not too pregnant where it shows....I was like OMG Daddy PLZZZZZZ stop this conversation like IMMEDIATELY, lolll!
FI pretty much never left my house after the first time he was there. Would come over as often as possible daily and stay as late as he could lol .
Then just this June we moved in together as a family with my 2 girls after being engaged 6 months.
My parents had nothing to say. They wouldn't have been asked anyway nor would I have cared. I've been on my own since I was 19yo. I'm not concerned with what my parents have to say on that lol
Hahhaha, that's great - that reminds me of when my now-husband and I went to England for my brother's wedding. We got a room at the B&B (one room) and when my parents got there, they were in the room next door. Their room had a twin bed and a full bed. They stopped by our room and it only had a full bed. My dad looked at both of us, then at the bed and asked "so where is Aaron sleeping?" My then-boyfriend replied - "like a vampire, standing up in the closet!" as we both cracked up!
My parents didn't care, but only because I had a ring on my finger. They would not have been so on-board with me moving in with a BF.
They also recognized that, financially, it didn't make any sense for us not to move in together. We were long distance when we got engaged and moved together to a new city 3 months before the wedding. We didn't have friends in this city so for us not to live together, one of us would have had to have gotten a 3 month lease (can you say extra-expensive rent??) and then pay to move again 3 months later. Silly waste of money that even they could recognize.
I thought his parents were going to be upset bc they are somewhat conservative and we had only been dating 4 mths on move in date meaning we decided at 2 mths to jump in. They were more than supportive, moved us in, in the middle of a snow storm since they complex messed up our move in date, bought our washer and dryer and took me out to dinner bc they didn't want me to be alone the first night in the apt since he was working. I may not always agree with them and they may irritate me but then I remember this and it helps put things back in focus.
We hadn't been dating long and I kept coming home from his house at 2am, 3am, 4am... and then one morning my mom was like "What time did you get home last night?" and I said "Ohhh, 4am?" and she goes "Why wouldn't you just stay there!?" so I thought "Well alright then! I will!" and pretty much never slept in my own bed again. :P
Also: my dad's a doctor, so when I had my first real boyfriend, it took him all of two months to say to me "Remember now, I'm a doctor, and I have access to every kind of birth control there is!" and at the time I thought "DAAAAD! GROSS!" and he was like "Now, now, just putting it out there so you know you have options!"
Our parents weren't exactly excited when they heard we were moving in together since we weren't engaged yet, but they were good about keeping feelings to themselves. They just kind of didn't say anything about it either way.
Had we been engaged first, I think they would have been more excited for us. It's understandable why they were worried though, because so many people nowadays just move in and never get engaged or married. They were worried we'd get comfortable and never feel the need to take the next step. Or worse, get pregnant and not be married when the baby came.
haha, yes they do oh. Actually, I think my mum was really surprised that I 'asked' her permission. I am the least traditional child in the family so I'm sure she expected me to just go ahead and do it. My sister and her now husband (who is also Nigerian) bought a house together before they were engaged so they pretty much already fough the battle for us. That meant that I knew she was gonna say yes, s I basically told her we were moving in together and would like her blessing.
I think doing it that way made her feel more involved. Also, I didn't want to do anything that they could potentially blame on my FI not being Nigerian. If I had gone ahead without asking for her blessing they probably would have blamed it on the fact that he is 'oyinbo'. LOL.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Yes! And I love how their number one concern is always what will tehy tell their church people? And how there is always the story of some girl who made the same mistake blah blah blah
When I moved into my now husband's apartment, we decided to move my bed into his place and put his bed at his mom's house. When we showed up at her house and started moving the bed upstairs she freaked out and said "What are you going to sleep on!?!?!"
OMG this thread has me DYING laughing!!!
To illustrate how opposite my upbringing was, the first few times I read this post, I didn't understand it - I thought the awkwardness was about their asking how much you pay for rent!!
When I was dating my high school/early college boyfriend (5 years, ages 15-20), my mom made sure I was on the pill and using condoms. My dad (who lived across the country) did not know anything about it. But when I moved in with my then bf, now husband, 6 years ago, he was like, "That makes sense; it's a good idea to make sure you live together ok before marriage." My stepmom sent us a set of nice pots and pans, like a wedding present. I don't remember what my mom said about it, but I know she didn't have a problem with it.
This is so funny because I kind of got both ends of the spectrum. FI's parents like me and we had been together for 4 years when we moved in together, and I get my independent streak from my Mom so she was totally unfazed.
Dad, however, was slightly less enthused. He basically just gave me the subtle guilt trip over the phone.
Dad: "So, you're moving in with BF? Well, I guess I can't tell you not to..."
Me: "Guess not! But, can I borrow the truck?"
Dad: "I suppose."
Jeepers! I didn't expect so many of you to have had disapproval!
My fiance and I were both living at home until we moved in together and I think our parents were glad when we did. We weren't particularly chaste or subtle when we were living at home (and we were sleeping together from our first date onwards).
When we moved in together our parents helped us move and knew full well that we would be sharing the master bedroom. I don't think they ever would have imagined that we'd do anything else.
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