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FI and I live together already...do we have to do gifts for each other?

posted 3 months ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: What do you think about giving each other gifts in our situation
    You do not need to do it, its just an old tradition, : (57 votes)
    70 %
    You don't NEED to do it, but I would recommend doing at least something (even something small) : (22 votes)
    27 %
    You definitely should get each other something to signify your new lives together : (2 votes)
    2 %
    It's worth breaking the bank for getting each other nice gifts : (1 votes)
    1 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    188 posts
    Blushing bee
    katiee0707    August 18, 2012  

    We have already gone way over budget with our wedding and we are living as frugally as possible right now. We didnt do anything for Valentines Day, or birthdays, or Christmas or anything, because all of our extra money is going to the wedding. Also, we have been together for 3 years and living together for 2. We already feel like we are married. 

    So. that being said, we both feel like the gifts for each other is not necessary. Anything I would be able to afford to buy him would not be that great, and vice versa. It wouldnt be the type of thing we would show our grand childen (such as sentimental jewellry or anything).

    Is it weird not to give each other gifts? Or is anyone else in this same predicament and just giving small gifts? Any ideas would be helpful!

     
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    5,368 posts
    Bee Keeper
    pinkshoes    July 2011   MA

    We dont do gifts to each other too.  I actually think it's weird to "give" each other something when we've combined money and can easily buy whatever we want.  We don't really want stuff that often, so trying to give a gift is nearly impossible cause we truely dont want anything so it'd just be a waste of our money.

     
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    Busy bee
    misspeanut    December 10, 2011   Dallas, TX

    Eh, I didn't even realize the bride/groom got each other gifts until I came on the bee. We didn't get each other anything, we figured marrying each other is kind of a huge deal enough as it is. We also didn't get each other Christmas gifts since we'd just gotten married, and chose to focus on stuff for our friends/family.

    They aren't necessary, don't worry about adding yet another thing to your list!

     
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    2,876 posts
    Sugar bee
    atalante    May 19, 2012  

    We're not officially doing gifts... but I bought a cake topper that's going to be a surprise gift for him. Or "us", really, since we'll keep it. He just doesn't know about it.

     
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    961 posts
    Busy bee
    ArwenBride    December 4, 2010   Toronto, ON

    @katiee0707:  We talked about this too.  In the end, we decided to give each other something but that was more because my DH is a HUGE gift-giver (as in, he loves to give people gifts) and he couldn't imagine not giving me a present.  lol

    That being said, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to.  I'm not really sure it's even tradition, per say.  I think that if you want to do it, go ahead, but if you don't, don't; it's no biggie.

     
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    2,328 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Miss Orchard    September 8, 2012   Cambridge, MA

    We are barely scraping by to pay for this wedding that there isn't any room for gifts...neither of us feel bad about it either...

     
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    5,927 posts
    Bee Keeper
    eloping    May 23, 2010  

    my husband and i rarely exchange gifts. even for christmas because we usually do something or go somewhere together so its a "happy christmas/valentines/anniversary honey" and thats it. maybe a nice meal, home or dining out - doesnt matter which. for us its about spending time together

     
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    Busy bee
    andersonsarah    March 2012  

    @katiee0707:  Girl I'm in the same boat! We skipped Christmas, both birthdays and Valentines to make sure we had enough for a wedding. We are skipping gifts too.

     
    9.
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    Bee Keeper
    crayfish    September 11, 2010   Berkeley, CA

    We didn't give gifts, it's just an old tradition. But, if I were to give a gift, it would be something very small and funny/meaningful/symbolic. Just something that will make each other smile, that doesn't cost much, if anything.

     
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    5,733 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Juliepants    June 2, 2012   Ontario

    I don't think you need to.  We live together as well and our wedding bands will serve as our gifts to each other for the wedding.

     
    11.
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    188 posts
    Blushing bee
    katiee0707    August 18, 2012  

    Thanks everyone so much for the input! I am feeling much better about this, i didnt want to be doing something completely taboo or something I would regret in 10 years, but it sounds like a BUNCH of people are doing similar things. As PP said, i just dont see the point when we are living together and have a combined bank account. It would probably just be a waste of money really for us. Thanks everyone!

     
    12.
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    314 posts
    Helper bee
    goldengrlbride    June 23, 2012   NY

    We are in the position of saving up majorly right now for the wedding. What we decided to do was rather than a gift that day we will each plan an activity for us to partake in oN the  honeymoon. It will be a total surprise until the day of the wedding when we will write each other a letter someone will give us the morning of And share our gift to each other as well as I'm sure some other thoughts for the day!! 

    I have no idea what he hhas planned I plan on setting up horseback riding while we are in Ireland on the honeymoon something we'll remember always

     
    13.
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    Buzzing bee
    redheadem    September 30, 2012   NYC/MD

    I don't think living together has anything to do with it. If you don't want to give each other gifts for any reason, by all means, don't! I doubt FI and I will. We haven't discussed it.

     
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    Busy bee
    MilksMom    June 23, 2012   Richmond, VA

    We're not doing anything!  Our rings are gifts!  I'm going to do those "52 things I love about you" with cards.

     
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    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    MelissaSB      

    @goldengrlbride:  love that idea!

     
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    7,261 posts
    Busy
    Beekeeper
    Mrs.Estep    December 11, 2010   VA

    We didn't do "gifts" either. Like you all of our extra money went into our wedding. We gifted each other with our bands I guess you could say?

    But you could if you still want to do gifts write each other a letter. Then the day of exchange them!

     
    17.
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    1,536 posts
    Bumble bee
    auggiefrog    August 25, 2012   Wauwatosa, WI

    I'm thinking of doing a DIY boudior book for him... If I can lose some weight! but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know about this tradition.  I think I'd like to do something small but sentimental.  

     
    18.
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    944 posts
    Busy bee
    ebet24    May 20, 2012   Nashville, TN

    We're in the same boat...all the extra money is going to the wedding. I had never even heard of this until the bee.

     
    19.
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    3,852 posts
    Honey bee
    kala_way    May 28, 2011   Manhattan Beach, CA

    I don't even think it's an old tradition. I hadn't even heard of it until I got on weddingbee. I've never seen it in a movie or on TV or read about it in a book. The exchange of rings or jewelry to symbolize the marriage is a tradition. Giving him a hip flask with his initials isn't a tradition as far as I'm concerned.

     
    20.
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    1,401 posts
    Bumble bee
    LuckyJuls    May 26, 2012   The World

    My FI was getting a little nervous about getting me a gift, and likewise on my end. Glad a lot of you agree that this isn't necessary. It just makes for more material for great pictures as far as I'm concerned.

    I do love the idea of a really beautiful card though. That, I can get behind.

     

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