(Closed) FI and I miscommunicated about guest list, embarrassing

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can’t relate but I don’t think you should uninvite people – this is a huge no-no.  You still have time to find another venue.  It’s possible not everyone will show up and you could still have it at your venue – but not sure if you’d want to risk it if there is a hard stop max at 50.

Did you guys sit down and write a hard copy of a guest list? I don’t think the miscommunication says anythign about your relationship, I think it just says you guys overlooked the importance of having a written guest list.

Post # 4
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Oh dear…I would probably just hope that people declined. Is there any way to fit a few extra if a table is set up in the hallway or something? Maybe tell the venue what happened and see what solutions they offer. I’m sure they’d rather squeeze in an extra table than lose the business. 

Post # 5
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

There’s going to be some RSVP that will be “no” and some will not show up even if they said yes… I would wait it out! You’re only 12 over…

Post # 6
Member
4719 posts
Honey bee

You shouldn’t uninvite people if they have been promised or recieved an invite… but you can cut the guest list. If your date is accurate, invites shouldn’t have been sent out yet, so cutting the guest list isn’t a big deal. 

Just remember, it’s pretty unlikely that absolutely everyone will be able to come. Even if you invited all 62, only 50 might actually show up. 

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First of all don’t let a simple miscommunication make you doubt something about your relationship, unless there are other underlying issues.

Fi and I are also long distance. We have a google documents of various list we both edit. Having one list is important as it will lesson the confusion. Important things like the guestlist, budget, and vendors are always doubled check.If the date you have is correct I assume you haven’t sent wedding invitations out yet?

If that is the case perhaps you can call these people who got verbal invites apologize about the confusion and explain the situation to them. I do think univiting people should be an absolute last option kind of deal. Normally you get a 20 percent decline rate, but with a smaller guest list this may not happen.

Since your wedding is smaller I think it would be easier to find another venue even though you prefer not too.

ldr can be stressful at times, so just remind yourself there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck! Clearly it’s also important that you guys come with a system and double check with each other on other wedding issues. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

This isn’t a reflection of your relationship, unless there is something else going on or this happens often with major issues.  You sound overwhelmed, hugs!  Because you aren’t physically together, its a bit tougher to check in with each other – say when you remember something on the toilet, you can’t just yell it out and ask him right?  FI and I miscommunicate on stuff all the time, and we live together.  Its often because we aren’t really listening to each other or focusing on the conversation, but its always a good opportunity to make up and apologize. I’m sure neither of you had the intent of hurting each other with this – its just a little goof up.

Now, with the venue.  Is 50 ppl their abasolute fire-code max? I know my venue can hold an extra 100 ppl if alcohol is not served, it usually seats 500 (just an idea, I know this wouldn’t go down with my family).  Talk to the manager there, maybe they can open up space on a patio or put the kids in another room, or even move furniture around.  Its really only one more table and a bit.  Hopefully they can be accomodating.  The other thing is that probably not every single person will come, so your numbers will be a bit lower.  Have you had an rsvp “no”s yet?  See what you can do before you cancel.

OP has a good idea with google docs so you can both access and edit them.  FI and I have mini wedding meetings where I run stuff by him.  I try to focus on one thing – the music or the limo or the menu, just so I can try to keep him in the loop.  Maybe you can schedule a time weekly that’s specifically wedding related to talk about your plans.

Post # 10
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I forgot to add – 

Try not to worry about this saying anything about your relationship. Weddings are confusing and complicated. I’m sure you guys can find a solution. 

Post # 11
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Make your guest list in google docs, so you both can share it. Easy way to keep track of rsvps/numbers. 

Post # 12
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

If you haven’t sent invitations yet, then I think you are just fine. Your wedding is far enough away that most people won’t even take a verbal “You better be there” as an invitation. And even if they did everyone might not be able to attend, the summer is so busy for people you never know who might decline.

I would definately create a hard list that you both have access to so that you can see exactly who you are noth including.

Post # 13
Member
4433 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just because you invited 62 doesn’t mean they will all come.  Keep the venue.

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