- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Ugh. I thought we were going to be lucky enough to avoid these problems!
Here’s our situation:
We moved from St. Louis to southern NJ/Philly area in September for a promotion FI earned. I quit my job to come out here, and spent my first week sending out our Save the Dates for our June wedding. Early October, I was offered a job with the same company FI works for, which I accepted. We work in different departments, BUT we sit together at lunch with some of FI’s coworkers – all women (not that this matters, but I refer to them as “the women” later on).
So, FI and I have been tossing around the idea of inviting them, but haven’t really come to a conclusion. We can fit them, no problem, but my biggest qualm is that I don’t want them to think the invitation is a gift request, since we truely just want to let them know they are welcome, but…it’s a $300/person flight, plus a hotel. It’s a big expense with relatively short notice (since they didn’t get a STD). One woman in particular is pregnant and due the week of our wedding – obviously she’s not going to go! We are 90% certain that out of these four women, only one would come…and we’re 99% certain she would come.
FI’s biggest qualm is that he feels that if he invites these women, he feels as though he should invite his boss because if it came down to it, he’d rather his boss be there than these women. And if he invites his boss, he wants to invite two of his male coworkers. Which would be fine, but at that point, he might as well invite his whole department (because there’s only two more people). So…if he invites his whole department, do I invite MY whole department? I’m not close to any of them other than watercooler chat, and we can’t invite both his department AND mine (for space/money purposes).
So…we’ve been at a stalemate. Then, yesterday at lunch, one of the women we sit with was asking very…pointed questions regarding the wedding. Like “when are invitations going out?” “Did you send out Save the dates” “Do you have a hotel blocked”. Stuff that was obviously digging to see if she was invited. We both tried to redirect the conversation, but it wasn’t happening.
So. We don’t know what to do. Advice?
I told FI last night I think that sometime in the next week, at lunch, we should say “We’d love for you to be at the wedding, but we know it’s a big expense and we don’t want anyone to feel obligated to come or give us a gift. We just want to let you know you’re welcome. Can we have your address for an invitation?” that way it is a “verbal” save the date, but it’s clear we aren’t inviting them for gifts. FI think that’d be weird, and again, if we invite these women, we should invite his boss, and blah blah blah.