Post # 1
I’ll try to give the least complicated version possible:
FI and I invited his cousin to our wedding. The wedding is pretty far, so we understood when she said she RSVP’d no. FI is back in his hometown for a week visiting friends and having his bachelor party and I find out yesterday he will be attending the same cousin’s wedding. ????
I was a little miffed and confused wondering why I had never heard of this wedding and if he was attending, where was my invite. Turns out the wedding is this Saturday. His family was invited (ie the Smith Family) but not him specifically. His mom called the bride a few days ago to tell her that FI would be in town and to see if it was okay for him to come to the wedding. She said yes.
FI was aware of the wedding ahead of time (I had no clue) but didn’t think he would be attending. I packed his bags and he certainly didn’t take any ‘wedding’ clothes with him. I think I’m a little upset that he and I were not invited as a couple. Perhaps they left us off for budget reasons, I have no clue. But I feel a little off put that we invited them and they didn’t invite us in return.
And I’m just feeling a little off that FI is going to attend this most special day with his family and cousin and I wasn’t invited, or even given the option to not come…I acknowledge I could be over thinking this…but it feels weird to me.
Post # 3
Maybe they thought that you wouldn’t want to travel just as far or maybe it was budget issues. There is no rule that says that since you invited someone to yours, they must do the same. Sounds like he was just in town, his mom called, and the bride said why not. It’s not like your FI knew and took a secret vacation without you.
I wouldn’t be upset about it. Send them a nice card and move on.
Post # 4
@vabride2011: personally? I’d BE PISSED that he was even going since I wouldn’t be going also. We’re a package deal. If one doesn’t go, the other doesn’t go. and I wouldn’t bite my tongue informing him I was irked about it.
sorry you gotta deal with this 🙁
Post # 5
It sounds like you two were both not intially invited – so this would be the reason you were not invited nor did you know about the wedding. Also, hence the fact that his mom called the bride to ask if your FI could come, this def sounds like a spur of the moment decision.
I wouldn’t be upset, he was “invited” simply b/c he was in town.
Post # 6
Yeah I don’t think this is a big deal. I think inviting you two as a couple would have been the right thing to do. But like Miss Tattoo said it sounds like it just sort of came up last minute since he would be in town. Don’t say anything at this point. You are going to look not good to his family if you try to tell him he needs to sit at home in protest while they all go to the wedding since you weren’t specifically invited. I’m sure if you were going to be visiting his parents together then you would have also been added on to the invitation list.
Post # 7
I think its fine, especially since it is family and he will be attending with the rest of his family. It just seems like it happened to work out since your FI would be in town and they probably didn’t want to stress you with travel plans. I would never tell my FI he couldn’t attend an event without me.
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s really fair to say that since you invited her to your wedding that she should have invited you to hers. You’re having two different weddings. Maybe hers is much smaller than yours, or she doesn’t feel as close to your FI and you, or she couldn’t invite you guys because of budget reasons. Who knows? I wouldn’t worry too much about it. For whatever reason, your FI now gets to celebrate with her, and that’s great!
Post # 9
To me it sounds more like his family was invited and because he happened to be in town he is also going. I agree with Miss Tattoo, don’t be upset about it, it doesn’t seem like a big deal at all. Your FI was not planning on attending anyway like you said but now he is.
Post # 10
I agree with some of the above that I would NEVER ask him not to attend his cousin’s wedding no matter how I felt. And I know I’m not obligated to an invite just because we invited them. However, I think I’m feeling this way partly it’s because the invitation seems to have been sent to his family, him included, but not me included. Idk? I hope he has a great time. Can’t wait to see pictures….just still feels weird to me.
Post # 11
I would think the “Smith Family) would just be those who are still in that household or are other members who don’t live with his mom and dad going too? My cousin did this. She sent it to “Miss Tattoo’s family” but only had two RSVP spots for my mother and younger sister. Then Mr. Tattoo and I got our own invites.
I wouldn’t try to pick it a part. Like you said, you didn’t pack any wedding clothes and he didn’t mention it to you. Don’t be the crazy girl in the family that everyone will talk about for months if you bring this up to any of them.
Post # 12
@vabride2011: I don’t think he was included on the invite – b/c you said his mom called & asked if he could come (meaning he wasn’t initially invited.)
Keep your head up, it doesn’t sound like this was anything against you, or that you were left out in any way 🙂
Post # 13
I wouldn’t take it personal. I agree with the others that the two of you may have been left off for any reason (budget, distance, they know you are planning yours, too) and it just worked out the way it did. And it doesn’t sound like he was on the invite since his mom had to confirm and you didn’t know about it before hand.
Post # 14
Yeah, I don’t think it’s a big deal either. Doesn’t sound like they invited your FI and not you. It sounds like a timing thing where he is in town and his mom wanted him to go. I wouldn’t flip about it.
Post # 15
I don’t think he was invited either. He just happened to be in town otherwise his mom wouldn’t have needed to call to get him invited.
Post # 16
Neither of you were invited. His mother chose to ask if he could come as he was in town.
You are obviously ok with him travelling on his own.
It would be a different situation if she actually sent him an invitation to your home and did not include you.
If we had to invite everyone whose wedding we attended, the same people would be at all weddings. We all have different restrictions on how many people we can accomodate at our wedding.
Let it go. There was no offense committed.