- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
((HUGS)) Maybe have her look at less expensive options to see what she's getting for the price. Perhaps if she'd like to scale back on the total costs, maybe y'all could take on some DIY projects, instead of using a stationer you can definitely do the paper products yourselves and save tons!! Instead of having a dj, you can definitely do an ipod reception. if the catering bill is large, definitely consider an earlier brunch reception or lunch, possibly passed hor dvoures...
Is she making all the decisions, vendor wise? Have you both done tons of research into your vendors? Maybe part of her hesitation is her feeling of being bound to contracts with vendors she is unexcited about and unknowledgeable about? My big fears over money come when I feel I don't have enough information to make the affordable AND exciting decision. How big is your budget? If you haven't set a budget, maybe that's the problem? Has she gotten her dress yet? When I ordered my dress my excitement level when up tons! :D Are you getting help from anyone? Maybe its not a "wedding" issue at all! Maybe its an after the wedding issue- she's afraid that if you put all your money into the wedding, there will be none left over for a house and possibly kids? My FI has this worry. Maybe she has a general anxiety disorder?
Sit and talk to her. Ask her what she fears, exactly. This calls for a good, frank discussion of your hopes, dreams, and fears for not just the wedding, but your futures!
@ crebre80 We have a small budget, and an awesome planner who is great at what she does. We are definitely DIY'ing invitations. We are doing charitable favors, and having a small cutting cake and a sheet cake in the back for guests. As for catering, we are having a buffet reception, which we found was most economical. We have found our dresses, which for both of us were under $1000 (i think this is great!). Flowers are at the bare minimum, with seasonal blooms and single stems for BM's. We knew going into this that we would have to spend money, but she seriously gets agina each time budget is mentioned/thought about. I will try to keep her spirits up.
@rabbit that's the funny thing, she has been involved with all vendor meetings, and loves them all. I think there is something more to it, but she is keeping it from me. Normally she is fine with money, and I am usually the one that saves, saves, saves for a rainy day or kids, house.
Poor thing :(... Great jobs on your dresses!!! It sounds like you are keeping costs at where they need to be... I have a strange question for you though, do you think she'd rather elope perhaps? Like go to vermont or a bed and breakfast and do something lower key? Give her hugs from me and then show her how much other folks spend on weddings and let her know that y'all are doing a great job and this one day marks the first day of the rest of your lives together.
@crebre thanks. Dvid's Bridal sales are a God send. She doesn't want to elope. BElieve me we talked about it. I think once we pay for everything, she will be fine. Thanks for your hugs to her. I will definitely try to continue to reassure her.
I think I was a little like your fiance... because it was my FI's family paying, I felt all the pressure to keep costs down.
What helped me was pricing out as many vendors as I could find, and then balancing cost vs. service provided. It also helped me to negotiate my butt off. I always felt good knocking off a chunk of change here or there.
Finally, my FI sat me down and said at one point that sometimes it was worth going for the more expensive vendor when there was a superior product (and he would say that he preferred, for example, our caterer whose bid came in slightly higher than another). I absolutely had to listen because I knew I was being kind of compulsive about it!
thanks Mrs. DG. I am going to try to touch on this subject again with ehr, and try to use my Social Work degree and get down to the nitty gritty.
Well here it is...I inadvertently (yeah right) brought up the subject of budget when we received our floral contract this morning. Of course the panic set in immediately when she reviewed it, and she again remembered all of the financial obligation. I took this opportunity to express my concerns, and dare I say it, disappointment in the whole thing. I have to say, when I mentioned that I was becoming frustrated with the whole attitude toward the budget, she actually listened and apologized. She said to me that she recognizes my joy with planning our special day, and that she will try from here on in to put her fears aside and enjoy it as well. I told her that I didn't want to invalidate her feelings, and we can talk about it as much as she would like, but just not so negatively. The reality of it is, it is a lot of responsibility and obligation, and it's important to have these conversations. So, to my fellow bees, thank you for your advice. It definitely is appreciated.
Yay... Good outcome! Be patient with her when she relapses too ;)
Aww glad to see you worked it out with her! I think it's great that she's trying to work on it and that you're being so flexible! (Also, thank heavens my FI does not really know what anything costs. Hehe.)
THanks cinemaparadiso. I wish I could keep it all under wraps, but I love that she wants to be involved too.
I understand both sides, i sometimes feel so guilty spending money on a wedding when no one in my family really has a lot of money. My sibs are in college so they are always broke and when I think about how much I am spending (even tho its my money) i sometimes feel guilty. I used to be a shopper and a spender and now i cant even get a cup of coffee because I feel like I should save it for the wedding, and then when i go to spend it on the wedding i think of all the rent it could pay...
then I call my MOH and she tells me how her wedding was worth every last penny and every insane diy hour. Because it was perfect for her and that is priceless.
Do you have any married friends to ask about the spending part? That is really what saves me.
I do have married friends, and one in particular that just got married this past October. The difference between she and I is that her parents paid for her wedding, and a hefty penny at that. She has been supportive though, and offers much guidance about budget. Even though her wedding was $50k plus, she tried to stretch every penny. My other married friend (I have a small group of them) could honestly care less about my wedding since she doesn't necessarily believe in gay marriage, but that's a whole other post. lol. So I am really on my own with this one. I think it will all be okay in the end. I'm optimistic.
@ dsuhornets - your FI and mine should get together and form a little therapy group, lol! I am having a lot of the same feelings you are, especially having the "fun" taken out of wedding planning by budget concerns. FI and I have the money up front for both the honeymoon and the wedding, but when it comes down to actually making deposits or looking at quotes, he panicks and gets upset, and it kind of gets me down. I understand his perspective (who likes to spend big bucks, really? And we are on a pretty strict budget too) but that is no reason to be a downer about it all the time. I agree with Mrs. DG - there will be relapses, we just have to be patient with our FI's
P.S. Have you seen the blog "So you are EnGAYged"? It is another great resource (besides the friendly faces here at Wedding Bee) for same-sex weddings. Here is the link:
http://www.soyoureengayged.com/
Good luck!
@ Valhalla I'm happy that you and I can relate. TAhanks for the reference to the blog. I'm so checking it out asap.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ticatica | 13 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 12 |
| MrsOliveBird | 11 |
| aussiebee | 10 |
| janetsnakehole | 8 |
| Scottish_lassie | 7 |
| GelaMac | 6 |
| j_jaye | 5 |
| MrsMSmith | 5 |
| Rivendeler | 5 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| shychigirl | 1 |
Ok, so the title explains it all. I love my FI, but she is making it very hard for me to stay excited about all of the plans. The constant attention to budget is important at most, but she refuses to let her hair down and get into the fun of it all. She grimaces each time a vendor asks for a deposit, and has sleepless nights over the two week before rule that they all impose. I think the mere thought of giving away thousands of our hard earned dollars is very hard for her. I try myhardest to reassure her that we will be fine-even in this tough economy, we are blessed to have great careers and stability. Any suggestions on how I can ease her fears? WB help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!