(Closed) FI bday party

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

You need to have a calm and adult conversation about it.

Say, I’m happy to stay home and babysit so you can enjoy your birthday, however there are times I may want to do something for my birthday that doesn’t involve you. We need to have equal and even expectations.

If you really want to do this 21+ only event, then that’s fine, but try to understand when I want to do something that doesn’t involve you.

 

Also, maybe plan a birthday celebration for just the two of you either before or after the casino and drinking blowout.

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KristaBaybay: So surprise him with a nice dinner one night. Do you live together? He has to eat when he comes home.

It it were any other birthday, I’d say you have a complaint, but it’s his 21st and I can understand why he wants to make the most of it.

You do need to discuss your feelings with him in an adult way though, don’t just say everything is fine and let the resentment build up.

Post # 7
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That really does suck about you not getting to go out with him for his birthday, especially it being the big 21 and he wants to go everywhere that is 21+ because he can.

I don’t think he should stay home because it is such a big birthday but you should compromise about it. It’s not his fault that you can’t get into the places that he will be able to and it’s not yours, either, so you should just deal with it. Please don’t make him feel bad. How would you feel if you were turning 21 and he was underage but you still wanted to have the big celebration? You would feel bad but at the same time, you still deserve do it.

What if he did this big pre thing before going out to the bars, like a big dinner or pre party at the house before he goes out and then you can be there. And/or like the previous poster said, why don’t y’all plan a special brithday celebration or getaway for just the 2 of you. Or what if you planned this big party for the day of his birthday so you get to spend his birthday with him but then on another night, he goes out and does the bar scene with the guys. That way you have him on his birthday but he still gets to do the 21 thing later.

Whatever you decide to do,  just calmly tell him that although you hate you can’t go to the bars and the casino because you’re underage, you want him to be happy and enjoy his 21st. Then tell him how much it means to you to celebrate his birthday with him and then discuss the different options. Don’t play games or send him on a guilt trip.

I don’t get the whole on my birthday and spending it with parents…is that what you really want to do or would it be a you did this to me so I’m doing this to you?

Post # 8
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@KristaBaybay: You can also ask him for the morning on that day (if it works for both of your schedules), and maybe make him a nice breakfast to start off the day. It sounds like this has been a source of some conflict for the two of you, so this might also be a nice way to smooth things over before his party.

I agree with KatNYC2011 that because it is his 21st birthday, it’s a bigger deal. On that note, I’m that you knew eventually this occasion would come and you’d most likely be left out (and I’ve been there before too! Not fun), so at least this is not a huge surprise.

When you say designated babysitter? Does that mean for the drunk people? Or are there actually kids you’re going to have to babysit?

Post # 9
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@JenniMichele: Oh I assumed kids. I don’t think OP should be required to be the dunk person babysitter.

 

Also are these your/his kids?

Post # 10
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Also, I don’t want to choose any of your poll options, because my opinion doesn’t fit with any of them. I think you should let him have his birthday, babysit if you need to, and talk with him about the fact that while you understand that the 21st birthday is a big deal, you’d also like to be able to celebrate it with him, whether that is on his actual birthday, a few days before or a few days after (basically, whenever you have time). Make sure he knows that you want to be able to spend some time with him.

I also don’t get the whole thing about your birthday. I think we may need some clarification on that end.

ETA: @KatNYC2011: I thought so too, but I’ve also heard of people saying designated babysitter to mean designated driver. I had to do that before I was 21 and it made me feel worse about not being included.

Post # 13
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KristaBaybay: So he gets upset if you do something on your birthday even though he couldn’t come either way? That does not seem right at all. What does he want you to do on your birthday?

Maybe give him the option that if he wants to make plans for your birthday, you’d be willing to spend your birthday with him, but if he has to work either way then he shouldn’t require you to sit at home.

Post # 14
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KristaBaybay: Are they going to pay you to babysit? I’d say he can go, have a great time, but unless you are being paid to babysit I’d decline to do that.

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