(Closed) FI best friend female, long please read

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am 100% in favor of opposite sex friendships, but I agree that there’s a problem here. Spending a long time on the phone everyday with a friend is really excessive, even for a same sex friend. Surely his long conversations with her must be taking away from time that you and he spend together.

If I were you, I’d focus on telling him how his relationship with her was affecting his relationship with you (less time together, less intimate/emotional communication, etc). Don’t forbid him from interacting with her, but tell him to reduce the phone calls to maybe once a week or so. If he won’t do that and doesn’t care about the impact on your marriage, then I’d suspect that the relationship may have become an emotional affair.

Post # 4
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Two things wrong here. First, the deep sharing with someone of the opposite sex. Like way deeper than normal. Not cool. Quite often, when this happens one of the people has feelings, even if the other is oblivious to it. And talking sex with another woman, that’s so inappropriate it’s not funny.

Second: if someone takes advantage of me financially, it’s friendship over. (I don’t mean an honest mistake where we both lose money, I mean being taken advantage of). I can’t tolerate that sort of betrayal.

Is this woman (or her husband) a pastor? Because otherwise I can’t understand this irrational loyalty.

Now ordinarily I’d have some sympathy for going to the same church (it lets you get to know them as a couple), but this financial screwing over is a deal breaker for me. No you are not over-reacting. You need to talk to him, and demand that he pulls back from sharing with her, out of respect for you and your relationship.

Post # 5
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I feel he has complete disregard for my feelings on this and I don’t know how to convince him this isn’t right.  Am I over-reacting here?  Isn’t that the point of marriage?  This issue has really started my doubts flowing. 

Just by this phrase alone, you know you have to speak to him about this concern. It is something placing doubts in your relationship. It is completely inappropriate for him to have such a deep sharing with another woman before you on major issues in his life/your life. You are not over reacting. If he can not understand why this is upsetting to you, perhaps you could bring him to talk to a trusted pastor/counselor on the issue? It is important that his emotional loyalty not be divided between his partner and someone else’s partner.

Best of luck! P.S I too would be miffed.

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Hey you did the right thing. I by the way am fine with Fi having friends who ar efemail I just think he having an emotional affair with her. I bet her husband isn’t too thrilled either.

 

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