Post # 1
FI best friend dates this girl that simply doesn’t want anything to do with me. FI and best friend hangs out a lot so I thought it would be cool to get to know her better and actually become “friend”. However she has no interest in talking to me. I have gone to their house for dinner countless timesand she makes no effort to even talk to me. Actually she doesn’t even look at me. She is always looking at someone else when we are having a conversation! I have invited them over and it is always the same uncomfortable situation. We have gone out and I try to compliment her, say how cute she looks and I don’t even get a smile from her. Then I asked her to be “friends” on Facebook. She accepted to just exclude me the following week. Then I asked again: she accepted and then deleted me again. I tell FI I am done trying but he thinks I might intimidate her and she is just an ackward person… But the truth Is that I am getting really annoyed with her. Should I just give up, should I say something plain and clear like : WHy don’t you want to be my friend??
Post # 3
@sheilamelo: I am a straight forward person, so I would point blank ask her (in front of both of the men so she can’t twist anything later) why she acts this way
Post # 4
For sure don’t invite the confrontation. Be kind but don’t put forth effort anymore. Exchange pleasentires but that’s all.
Post # 5
Don’t waste your time with her. I’ve dealt with a person like that before and there is no fixing it. Stop trying to add her to Facebook or have conversations with her completely. Be nice to her, but don’t go out of your way.
Post # 6
Crummy situation, and clearly it falls back on her. I wouldn’t invite the confrontation since it appears evident to you that she isn’t interested in becoming friends (so wierd!); however, I would definitely see if FI can pull that info from his BFF…it would drive me bonkers just not knowing what her deal is with me!
Post # 7
Well, if you’ve tried, you’ve tried! I would just not pursue her frienship any further. Just because they’re dating, doesn’t mean you have to be friends with her. Plus, if she makes no point to be your friend after your attempts, then why would you want a “friend” like that? …awkward. (That is how I would handle this anyways…everyone is different).
Post # 8
MrsSl82be Same here id ask her
Post # 9
To be honest, I think you are trying way too hard. It’s really nice that you want to be friends with her and that you’re making an effort to get to know her. But for whatever reason, she’s not interested and has made that glaringly obvious. It’s a shame since your FI and her boyfriend are besties but you can’t make anyone be your friend.
Maybe you intimidate her, maybe she feels she already has friends. Whatever the reason, you’ll probably never know. Asking her outright might make the situation worse. Especially since she’s an awkward person. If things get ugly between the two of you, it could affect your FI and his best friend’s friendship.
Just remember, it’s not you. It’s her.
Post # 10
It really sounds as though your FI is right about this one, she might be jealous of you. You can try to continue being nice and kind to her but don’t let her get you too upset. Realize that this is her issue and nothing you’re doing wrong.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t bother asking her and I wouldn’t put forward any more effort to talk to her. Be nice, but don’t try anymore. At this stage in my life, I don’t need to make people like me. My mom always told me, “If X doesn’t want to be friends with me, I have plenty of other people who do!”
Post # 12
I’d still be nice to her when I see her, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to be her friend anymore. She’s either painfully shy, or she’s just not a fan of yours. Kill her with kindness when you see her…otherwise, don’t waste your time!
Post # 13
I wrote a similar post recently. I totally get how frustrating this is. I’d say nothing though. You’re unlikely to get any kind of a satisfying response. Just know you’ve been the bigger person and let it go.
Post # 14
Fiance and I have don’t have friends… so I don’t know what that is like. BUT, I do know if I invited someone into MY home and they acted like that I would not invited them again. Especially since I have tried multiple times to be civil.
Sounds like she is a |3!+[H and a smedge of jealousy maybe?
I would want to know why she is acting the way she is, but that’s just me. I don’t like NOT knowing it drives me bonkers.
Post # 15
I think asking outright would just make it worse. It’s clearly not something she wants to discuss with you. Reading about her behavior, it seems there’s something about you that makes her uncomfortable… and I doubt she’d be real comfortable having a heart to heart with you over it.
Can FI ask his friend about it? I think that if I was in her position, I’d rather discuss it with my boyfriend than with someone I really dislike. Maybe she heard something about you. Or maybe she misinterpreted something you said once, and it came off really bad, not how you intended. But if you’re interested in working it out, I think it might be better to be indirect.
Otherwise… I agree with PPs. Be nice, be friendly, but don’t try anymore.
Post # 16
I understand the urge to ask, because it’s possible (although I have to say unlikely) there was some misunderstanding or you somehow unintentionally offended her and a friendship is still possible.
But generally, I liken this situation to dating a guy for a short while, he just stops calling, and a year later you run into him somewhere and you can’t help but ask why he stopped calling you. You’re probably not going to get the answer you want, or any answer (he’d probably just say he lost your number or he was going through a bad time or something that doesn’t tell you anything). If you confront her, most likely she’ll just play dumb and say her facebook randomly deleted you. She’s not going to say, I don’t want to be your friend because I’m jealous of you, or I don’t want want to be your friend because I find you annoying. And if she’s just a mean girl, knowing this bothers you will just give her a little thrill, and she’ll be able to recount to all her friends how desperate you are and have a good laugh. Just accept that certain people don’t click, and don’t take it personally.