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You guys I feel lost. Here's what happened... About 10 minutes before I headed to school for my last final of the semester he TEXT me that he couldn't do it anymore. He wanted to concentrate more on work and softball. He was unhappy and just didn't see this working out. He said he never wanted kids and figuered he would just come around to the idea. We've been together for 2 and a half years and he's just now realizing all of this. I asked him to please not do this but he told me no it was over and to get my stuff out of his apartment. I was so upset that I didn't even finish my final! It's been two days and we've talked but not really resolved anything. He said he wanted me to go to couseling and I agreed to go but he had to make some sacrifices too like giving up one of his 3 softball teams or his one baseball team. He said no because he was committed to them. Now today I get on Facebook and someone apparently someone saw him out last night or today with some hot blonde. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should try and work it out or just move on.
((hugs)) That's definitely a stinky position. I know it's hard but from what I've learned in my own experience... I would let him go. And I know it's hard to think this way now, but thank God you found this out BEFORE marrying him... b/c then you would be dealing with divorce and there's alot more emotion involved in that one.
So sorry to hear about how everything was done.... his selfishness is apparent with not just his incapability to give up "his teams" but even moreso in not talking to you face to face at a more appropriate time... selfishness has no place in a marriage, believe me marriage takes alot of work & with selfishness involved it usually doesn't end well.
Definitely praying that you have peace, strength, and comfort and that this day will be the darkest of a new beginning.
((Hugs)) I'm so sorry this happened to you. All I know to say is that everything happens for a reason... Its sounds so stupid, and I hated it when people said this to me (I went through the same thing a couple years ago), but I promise, it will get better. Keep your chin up and remember that you are amazing, and you do not let him make you go to counseling. He is obviously not going to make any sacrifices for you, dont do it for him. Things need to be equal, not you giving everything and him taking.
I'm really sorry this happened to you so far along in your relationship, but like others have said, better now than later. It really is selfish of him to be that way about "his teams." He basically told you that he's more committed to his teams than he is to your relationship, which is ass-backwards if anything is. I know it's hard to hear now - but I think he's doing you a favor! If his teams are more important then it's better to get out now. **Hug** I hope that made at least a little sense. :/
I dont know the whole situation because its hard to tell it all online and because I may not be up to date on your posts.
But, from the sound of it he has already left this relationship before he told you. He is choosing his sports over you. He did not think about how the breakup would effect you. To TEXT you? And even worse, to do it before an exam that he must have known about. If he really cared for you he would have been sensitive enough to do it in person and on a night when you could go home and call a friend.
He already "moved on" to some degree.
It was an immature way to break up. I am sure you love him, are lost and want him back. But try to look at what he did and why- I am not saying focus on the negatives necessarily, but try to see the whole picture. Maybe he did YOU a favor in the long run?
Its not easy- it rarely is. But you can do it and you will find someone that deserves you. He's not the one.
@pec1216: How disheartening and upseting for you. I couldn't imagine dealing with such news, especially on the day of your final. It sounds like he is really selfish and immature. I would take some time to do some soul searching. Ask yourself if HE has the qualities of the man you want to spend your life with, do you have the same goals in life, does he truly make you happy? You may also want to ask the man upstairs for strength, to offer you signs, and to guide you in the right direction. Hugs and God's Blessing on you!
So sorry this happened. But like said before it is better this happened now instead of after being married.
If he's not wiling to try, then I'd say you will just have to let him go and find the path that is right for yourself.
I'm really sorry he did that to you before your last final. I can't imagine how you managed to go at all after such a severe blow. That was brave and very strong of you. Hopefully you passed!
I'm also sorry, but this situation sounds positively unsalvageable. He has already made his decision and I would, if I were you, do nothing to try to convince him he is making a mistake. It really is over once he stoops so low as to TEXT you to break up an ENGAGEMENT. Please do not let him back in. You can't stand for that at all.
He wants to be single and dating, and it is AWFUL what he did, but it's true, it's better you found out now than later.
Good luck lady. Focus on friends and family right now. They will get you through this.
I am SO sorry! That is seriously craptacular!
It really does sound like he moved on before he officially broke up with you. He's already out with another girl? Yeah...his heart wasn't in it.
It also sounds like he was trying to shift some blame onto you.He said you needed to go to counseling? Maybe you do, but don't let him use that as his out. If you talk anymore, which I don't think you should, call his BS. He wanted out and he has no right to try and ease his guilt by making it look like more of a you problem.
Get your stuff and get moving on. It is so tempting to get answers to your questions from him, but those answers really don't matter! I promise!
Try try try to get angry instead of sad. Get angry at him for being an ass and get your revenge, by going out and being as happy as you can possible be. You need to do this because you still have to keep your life going. You can't miss finals over this, even though you certainly deserve to!
Develop a healthy "Fuck you too attitude" towards him. Do the break up thing. Get a makeover and go out with your girlfriends to bitch about what a loser he is. Sure, this isn't the perfect way of dealing with these feelings, the perfect way would be the high road of acceptance and enlightenment blah blah blah, but I honestly think it makes it easier to allow this anger if you want to move on quicker.
Thank you ladies so much for such warm thoughts from all of you. I honestly don't think we will be able to make it work. I did have hope, that was until I saw his facebook. I just fell like a failure. I've planned so much of our wedding and now to have to throw it all away not to mention the plans we've made for our future. Also he helps my dad coach my little brothers little league team, what do I say to all those boys? And all the parents keep asking where he is and so do our other friends. This is such a horrible situation and I don't know what to do.
@pec1216: Make it easy on yourself - just tell the truth. He wasn't ready for the committment that he had gotten into and so he bailed. No need to sugarcoat it for your family or friends or even the younger boys. This is not your fault - he chose to handle the situation the way he did and expects you to pick up the pieces and cover for him I'm sure. Don't. Just be honest. I wish you the best of luck and hope this is as easy as possible for you.
@pec1216: You can say as much or as little as you want to. For adults a short "____ and I are no longer together." They will understand by your tone (and your probably slightly pissed off look) the jist of what happened and usually will shut right up.
As far as what to tell the kids? Uh... I don't know. How old are they?
I agree with pp.. just tell the truth and let them deal with it. You need to take this time to let your heart heal and everyone else can just deal with themselves.
I know it's hard to look at all you've already invested but really thank God, I know I do for you, that this was before the I Do's b/c it's alot easier to explain a broken engagement than a broken marriage & divorce.
He is not ready for the commitment of marriage and I know that you deserve so much more.
Like one poster mentioned... take some time to make "that guy" that would really have the qualities that you want/need for you to feel loved and grow in a marriage. I Made my list after a broken engagement (I know the pain) it was VERY detailed and took me weeks to really make but in the end I realized that who I was with did not have those qualities and so I knew that I would've never been happy or fulfilled with him. Today, I can say that I'm so glad I did that b/c I found more than I couldn't thought possible.
That's my hope for you as well =)
@Tunacupcakes: they're 11 and 12. And your suggestion of the going out with my girlfriends is definitely on my list! The fact that most of them live out of town doesn't help but I will figure something out.
@amnystik: thank you so much for your advice. Hearing from someone that has gone through this before really helps. I had a "list" in my head that I always went by but I think I'll do what you said and make a detailed one.
i am so sorry thi shas happened to you, and i think you both have some talking to do.
for all you know the hot blonde is just a friend that happens to be a girl......it doesnt have to mean anything more than that, so dont beat yourself up about it until you know the facts. its possibly very innocent.
may be your FI just has cold feet , and if thats all it is then talking might solve the problems. but if its more than cold feet then you still have to talk, and then at least you wil know.
FOR SURE! I can PM mine... It was a notebook sheet front and back, outline order from most important to least.... lets just say that under II. Character I had a-s
lol.. DH now really is all that i wrote and more so I LIVE by "the list"!
@anne B: Normally I say work it out too, but this guy essentially said he's more committed to his softball teams than the OP. I say EFF that nonsense!
(I'm not trying to argue with you at all. I'm just so floored that the OP's ex FI said that!)
OP- ok, the kids are old enough for a simple "We broke up."
He dumped you via a sms just before you went in for a final.....what and a#$ hole!
He has said his sport is more important than you, WTF
He has been seen out with someone else...what do u think he met her on Thursday....even if he did....that was very uick, however more likely been seeing her behind your back...
He is so selfish and doesn't seem to care about you at all...YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS! Forget about him he is not worth it...and 2.5 years is only a small snippet of your life too!
I'm so sorry. I don't think I would wait for him, he said that a sports team is more important to him that you and didn't even have the decency to talk these things out to your face. You deserve better.
@pec1216: I would most certainly let him go- he isnt willing to compromise, and after 2 years, he breaks up with you over text during your final? I think that pretty much speaks louder than anything here. He doesnt even care enough about you to treat you with much deserved respect and actually man up and talk to you face to face. I know this is a heartbreaking place to be in, but honestly? I think you totally dodged a bullet here.
I think he's a dirt bag to do it right before a final and through text. You deserve better.
Everyone has pretty much said what I had been thinking when I read your post.
One, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this heartbreak. Texting you about breaking up? He has as much spine as a pile of snot.
Two. Remember that what goes around, comes around.
He's in for one hell of a bitch-karma payback.
Keep your head up, girl. <3
He sucks! You deserve better! Breaking up with you in a text before a final? And saying he doesn't want kids and it won't work, yet wants YOU to go to counseling? Look at it as a blessing in disguise. I'm sorry you're going through this :(
becuase this happened to you, you are going to end up with the most amazing man! And he is going to end up with half the woman! Ansd you will look back and thank goodness you didnt end up with that selfish jerk!
Never try to make it "work" with someone that has at all questioned his love for you. This will not kill you but it will make you stronger! Ans thats all you can do is be strong and find someone better!
I guess I should chime in to add that it's because my last breakup was particular heart breaking that I'm now with the most WONDERFUL man ever. A man who is crazy about me and is my best friend. It often happens like that! Just like with Amnystik and Slydon.
What. a. jerk. Ugh. I am so sorry honey. You deserve so much better than this guy. Who does that?! Who tells their fiance that softball is more important than them?! And right before your last final?! Sweetie, I know it's hard, but look at how unbelievably selfish this man is. He's not taking care of you in any way, he's only interested in taking care of himself and his own interests. Thank heavens you've seen his true colours before you've been married 5 years and have a couple of kids! Cry your eyes out for while, move through your grief and go out there and find the person who puts you before everything else. That's what you deserve. ((hugs))
texting you this right before you're final??!! that's just horrendous. what a f*ing cowardly buttface. seriously, that's just infuriating. you deserve so much better!
It takes a gutless wonder to text a breakup . It will take time to grieve the end of the relationship, but he has made you available for a quality guy.
I think in the long run, you are waaay better off. Break up over text, right before a final? Who does that? You are worth so much more than that! I remember my first major break up, I listened to alot of Alanis Morrisette before realizing that I wasn't the first person to ever go thru a break up, and definitely not the last. It's just one of those life experiences that shows you what you want, and don't want in a relationship and you'll be stronger when you come out the other side. Chances are he'll be kicking himself before the month is thru, but don't forget that you'll never meet your prince when you're dating a toad!
yes, TBh i re-read the OP and am of the same mind, but couldnt edit the post.I think we all have been there with a partner that doesnt put us first. and its no fun.
and to think that he thought a TEXT was a good enough way to break up is simply beyond words......
Kick him to the curb is the best advice i can give right now....
I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I know it's certainly not easy, but trust in God - this might be a blessing in disguise. It's better to find out now that he's not willing to be the partner you truly need in life than to find all that stuff out after you're already married with children. It will be a lot more difficult to deal with those things later. You deserve someone who is willing to give you the world for your happiness, not someone who is so selfish that he can't even compromise to give up 1 softball event to work on the improvement of your relationship! I am rather insulted on your behalf, that he would insist that you go to some sort of counciling when clearly he needs to go himself. Who on earth breaks up with someone, yet alone their fiance, via text message? I'll tell you who, a JERK! He's clearly not the guy for you, especially if he's already trapsing around town with another girl. I hate to say it, but for all you know, he might have been hanging out with her even before he texted you. He just seems so shady. Count your blessings that you've steered clear of this person. I know it hurts now but time will heal all wounds. Things can only get better from here. Keep your head up. With prayers for strength and comfort. ::hugs::
He texted you right before a final to break off a 2 and a half year relationship?
I'd say he did you the biggest favor of your life. I know it hurts now, but I'm confident you'll meet someone that deserves you.
As if the timing of the TEXT wasnt bad enough. He wants to concentrate more on work and *softball*?!?! And cant give up any softball games b/c he made a commitment to them?? What about his commitment to you when he asked you to marry you!! Don't even bother to fight for this! You should not come second to a SPORT! You will find someone else who knows how to treat you right and put you first. I'm not sure why he thinks you need consolling when he wont even budge on his commitment to the team. On top of that, if you two alerady didn't agree on the future and kids.... that a major topic that I think every couple needs settled before gettting married.
Im so sorry that you are going through this. As everyone said, you dont deserve this dirt bag. Move on. Better to know now, than after the wedding.
Dump him and send him packing!! Pretty selfish of him! I don't think its worth trying to work it out. Its obvious that he is not ready or mature enough for a relationship with you. I think you would be much happier living the life that you want and need. Not worrying about him. Be strong it will all work out in the end:)
He's a coward. Who calls off an engagement by text???
*hugs* I'm sorry this happened to you sweetie. You don't deserve it.. but like many before me have said, he did you a favor. He is obviously more commited to his softball/baseball teams than he is to you, which is unacceptable. I would just let him go.. completely. The right man will come along.. probably sooner than you expect. That's what happened to me when I got rid of my pathelogical liar of an ex-BF. I started dating my FI about 3 weeks later... totally wasn't looking for it.
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