Post # 1
My fiance has two amazing little brothers that we both love dearly. His dream would always be to have his brothers healthy, happy, and in our bridal party. However, we are not living in a dream world and his brothers are no longer the people they once were or should be. They are drug addicts (heroin). We can not decide what to do about his brothers. Do we have them in the wedding party and just pray that they will be sober by then or at least able to hold it together for one day? Or are they out? Or invited at all? We are concerned not only because obviously having them out is not what we would ever WANT, but also because it will cause a lot of issues with his parents as well. They will never understand our decision not to include them. I am concerned with us making a decision for our wedding day that would negatively impact our lives farther into the future. It’s not just about this day, it’s about our marriage and our family. Any opinions are welcome and appreciated.
Post # 3
way to change the poll on me, I have no opinion, but it voted as not invited. I have no opinion casue I’d let your FI decide this one with his fam. It’s really not your decision.
Post # 4
You FI should decide, they’re his brothers.
Post # 5
@doublea2t: I agree that your FI should decide. If he talks with the parents, they should discuss all the options and what the consequences might be. Personally, and it depends on the relationship, but if it was my FI in that situation, I would probably discuss before he talks with his parents just because you might have some thoughts he hasn’t had.
Maybe this is bigger than invite or not to the wedding. Maybe this is a sign that the brothers really need help. Drug addiction is a mental health problem. Is there anything the family can do to get them into treatment?
Post # 6
I voted for not groomsmen but invited. Mainly for the reasons you listed. If they were able. God willing, to clean their acts up before the wedding could they be included at a later date?
Post # 7
I think they could be groomsmen. In my experience, the groomsmen usually don’t have a great deal of responsibilities, other than showing up on the day in a suit – it’s the best man that gets to organise the bachelor party and do speeches!
If they are really so bad that you genuinely fear they would ruin your day, then I would speak with them very honestly (possibly with the parents present “We would love for you two to be groomsmen and be a part of our special day, but we are really concerned about your drug use and how it might impact your behaviour on the day. If we don’t see evidence of you guys being able to keep it together between now and the wedding, then we’ll have to ask you to step down.”
At least that way you’re not offending anyone and you’ve told them the conditions under which they can be groomsmen, setting some pretty reasonable rules.
When it comes to family and weddings, I tend to think a wedding is just one day – pissed off family can last a lifetime!
Post # 8
FI used to be a drug addict and he says he wouldn’t trust them to be groomsmen. That being said, I would still definitely invite them. *hugs* it’s a hard situation regardless.
Post # 9
I think it is entirely up to your FI. But your wedding isn’t until late next year so I think your FI should think about it and then wait to ask people next year. A lot can happen in 6 months.
Post # 10
@j_jaye: +1 I definitely say waiI on asking peoples to be part of your wedding party! I know you are excited and want to go away but trust me the best thing is to wait. I asked my ladies as soon as I got engaged which was in December but now wish I would have waited and thoroughly picked my party.