- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
This is a vent – Sorry for the novel.
While I am super excited to be marrying my best fella and am looking forward to the festivities a part of me is so sad that my FI can’t get into it and yesterday he laid the big ol’ truth on me.
He is filled with axiety because he is afraid his family is going to cause serious drama at our wedding.
His family (Mom aunt/uncle & Grandparents) didn’t show up at his sister’s wedding 5 years ago. She married outside of the culture (PRican) and had her wedding in the Grooms’s backyard out of state. I was there and it was the first wedding my SO/FI ever went together, and let me tell you bees, it was beautiful. The Groom’s dad is a General in the Air Force and they got married on base inLouisiana. Beautiful French Colonial house (Blue Shutters!). The groom’s mom even made my FSIL’s dress and used the left over fabric to drape over an old tree to make the altar. My FI walked her down the isle and signed as their witness. But both my FI and my FSIL have HUGE bitter feelings that no one from their family came to see his sister get married. FSIl has since moved away with her DH oversees so she can be with him for his work in the military and has no communication with her family.
Now it is FI’s turn to get married and since his sister is going to be his Best (Wo)Man and her son is going to be our Ring Bearer it is bringing up all these feeling again. –
“Will they even come?”
“Will they use the wedding to pick a fight with my sister about X, Y, or Z?”
“Will my sister not stay for the reception because she doesn’t want t to be with my fam?”
“Will they find some reason to pick a fight with Sapph’s family?”
There is a reason he lives in NY and his Mom and GParents live in FL.
I know he would just want to elope like his sister did but I couldn’t do that to my family. I have my GParents and extended family coming from PR to see the oldest granddaughter get married and I WANT to say my vows in front of them.
We are already having a Sunday Early-Afternoon wedding in the park with a lunch reception afterwards and our guest list is sitting pretty at 95 ppl. My FI feels like there won’t be anyone there for him, but I keep reminding him of his friends-who stood by him when he had no one else to help him out- who will be there at his side. His sister is coming, no-matter-what, and that is all that should matter. Everyone else can eat it.
His childhood was shit growing up and that has left some deep scars on him that he is still getting over. Apparently his mom spoke shit about ME (GASP!) to his sister and was wondering if FI was setting or some ridiculousness, but FSIL quickly set her straight and they haven’t spoken since. She since relayed the convo to my FI, was very upset that; this is typical of his family (except his Sis) to talk to everyone but him about him. The funny thing is that at first FSIL didn’t like me, but has since realized how much I have been there for her brother when her family, who is in the same state, of their own volition, had no contact with him for 5 years. His family has totally disappointed him his whole life. The only exception to this rule is his Grandfather, who raised him and put food on the table for them all for years, and his Sister. His Uncle recently came back into his life and is trying to help him with his education.
It has been difficult for him to embrace the joy of this celebration and start of our new life together, because of his feelings towards his family, which is making me sad as all heck because he just “wants it over with”, which is not how I want my Groom to feel about our wedding.
We did talk about the things he is excited about – His nephew being the Ring Bearer, Both of our little sisters standing beside us, and the big party. I just want him to be in a good place emotionally, leading up to the big day. We still have a year+ to go, so I know his emotions are going to be like a rollercoaster leading up to then, as the invites go out and so on. The only thing I care about is that his sister and his grandparents (specifically Grandpa) are able to join. Those are the people who are important to my FH and those are the people who we will move heaven and earth to get here.
Thank you so much to those who made it though this.