FI can't remember watching porn…

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

He searched for how to clear his history…I’m pretty sure he’s lying. Like you, I would only have a problem with the lying, not the porn. I would talk to him about it again, placing emphasis on the behavior that really bothered you. 

Post # 5
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I think it depends on why you are concerned. If you are OK with him watching it, why did you ask him about it when you saw his youtube account? Maybe it’s the way it comes across over the Internet, but you don’t really sound okay with it; for example, I’m ok with my boyfriend watching porn and if I saw it in his browser history I wouldn’t think twice . Was he lying because he thought you would get upset? That’s of course not a reason to lie but it might be an explanation. Are you concerned because you haven’t been having sex lately? If you are just concerned with his lying or forgetfulness or lack of sex, then take the porn out of the discussion and just talk aboit those issues instead.

Post # 8
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry you’re dealing with this. 🙁

I think you two should sit down and have a talk about honesty and trust because 1) he should be able to trust you enough that when you say it’s okay to watch porn he isn’t afraid of repercussions for watching it, and 2) you should be able to trust him not to lie to you.

I would be very upset about the lying as well. There is no other reason that there would be porn on his iPad, and the fact that he was searching how to clear his history makes it pretty obvious.

Post # 9
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

@FatherTedthis exactly.

Lying doesn’t make anyone feel great. However, even if he said he wasn’t going to watch porn, you said it was fine, so when you found it on YouTube and asked him about it (with no reason to ask unless there were problems at that time sexually with your relationship) it does come across as though you’re not okay with it. He may have lied because even though you’re saying you’re okay with it, by questioning him over it, it seems like you’re really not. 

Post # 11
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Jacqui90:  leave him alone about it if you’re truly ok with it. Judy because you say you’re cool with it doesn’t mean he needs to share it with you. It’s his private business let it stay that way. It doesn’t matter if he tells you he does or doesn’t watch it as long as you’re satisfied sexually. Stop trying to micromanage his private life. If youre not satisfied sexually the emphasis should be on what he can do to change that not on his porn habits. If he can watch porn everyday and have sex with you whenever you want I don’t see the problem.

Post # 12
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Jacqui90:  He’s lying, but if you are okay with him watching porn then I am not sure why you won’t let the issue go. You keep pressuring him about it and insist on making him admit to something that is personal. If you weren’t okay with it, that’s one thing. But you explicitly said (many times) that you are fine with him having a solo sex life. That means it has nothing to do with you and really isn’t your concern.

I’d let it go. You said you were okay with it, so act like it.

Post # 13
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

He’s lying.

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