(Closed) FI complimenting/flirting with girls online

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2759 posts
Sugar bee

The fact that he wants to get counseling shows me that he truly is apologetic for what he did. I think sometimes, people’s eyes wander and they get “grass is greener syndrome”, even if they’re happy with what they have. That doesn’t excuse what he did, not at all, but I think you should give him the chance to grow from the experience and learn how to forgive.

Post # 4
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If it was me, i would immeadiately confront my Fiance and tell him that talking to other women online is cheating.  I would make it clear that cheating, emotional or physical would not be tolerated.  On the other hand I might just leave him.

Post # 5
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Red Flag! I’ve been in this situtation and I am still with the same guy who did this, but it was truly a hard road and I have become jealous from it. Also it happened 6 years ago. I hope that you do not have to go through what I went through, but deffinatley go to counsling and set some boundries

Post # 6
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Definitely unacceptable. I’m glad he’s owning up to what did he and is suggesting counseling. It’s better than getting defensive! I definitely think you should give counseling a shot, especially to work on the trust. Best of luck OP. This must be really hard to go through.

Post # 8
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t know that I’d entirely trust this immediate leap to suggesting counseling. It’s not like this is a complicated issue; either he understands what the boundaries are (and flirting online with other women to the point of calling them sexy would definitely be out of bounds for most people) or he doesn’t. What does he think that counseling will accomplish that he can’t easily do on his own?

On the other hand, you do have a challenge in building a comfortable level of trust in him. You referred to a “first time” – was there then a second occurence of this kind of disrespect?

Post # 9
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I don’t think this is at all behavior that shows that he treats you “better than you deserve”. What does that even mean? Shouldn’t you deserve to be treated the absolute best? 

Post # 13
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I can understand if he did it once, but twice I couldnt be so forgiving. You werent even engaged then and he did it, now he has done it again after he has asked you to marry him. That would be a huge red flag. Counseling or no, he knew it was wrong. If someone knows its wrong and they do it a second time its not a mistake its deliberate.

Im suspicious of the fact that he jumped to counselling so quick. Just because someone treats you well most of the time doesnt as you say negate a bad act.

If a guy is really sweet to his SO and goes above and beyond for his love, thats great but if he hits her we dont absolve him of what he did. It was deliberate. We would advise counselling for him and her and advise her to get somewhere safe until we know for sure it wouldnt happen again.

The question becomes, will you be able to trust him? What happens if in a year after your married he does it again? Will he claim he doesnt know why he did it?

Men and women are not stupid, we give men to many passes on things because they do well 99% of the time.

Why cant we expect them to do well 100% of the time.

Post # 14
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

This seems more than playful flirting.  He’s being secretive and all so he’s probably cheating.  If you can than maybe some outside help would well help the relationship but if that’s not something your up for than you should leave.

Post # 15
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

So he needs counceling because he can’t figure out how to NOT tell other women they are sexy/flirt with them? Either he has no common sense or there is a MAJOR red flag waving around here.

Post # 16
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would agree that there are definite red flags here, but I think the most concerning is that he wants to go into counseling… couples and individual.  I mean, this can be a good thing, because hey, realize you have a problem. However, what is so big about this that it needs full-on counseling???  Makes me wonder if there is more to the story on either end that makes him think it necessitates “the big guns”.


Good luck in working through this!  

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