FI CONSTANTLY late

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@iiiEllie:  I’m sorry you’re going through that. Is he inconsiderate for always being late? Yes. Is he going to change his pattern? No! The thing with men is you have to understand the one you’re with and adjust your life to make sense with his life. Men don’t change, unless THEY want to.

Having said that, you know your FI is usally late. He’s been doing this since day one. So, moving forward, if you both have plans in the evening, you shouldn’t let him make plans before meeting with you. He needs to free up his schedule at least 3 hours before your plans; if he asks why, tell him it’s because of his habit of being tardy.

 

Also, give him a meeting time that is actually 1-2 hours before you really expect him to be there. So if you have a 7:30p dinner date, have him come over by 5:30p. He’ll have in mind the alternative time and you won’t be worried about his lateness. My family runs late for everything, so giving them false times always works well; even when I had my dress fitting, lol.

For tonight though, don’t be mad. It will only lead to an argument. Just make alternative plans tonight when he finally calls/texts back and talk to him about your disappointment tomorrow.

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sorry you’re dealing with this! Maybe you can stop planning date nights when you know he has plans earlier in the day? It’s incredibly inconvienent, but if he’s not going to make them anyway…

Post # 5
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow, I could’ve written your post. I’m in the exact situation as you. I don’t have any advice because I’ve been trying to figure out a solution myself. I agree with you 1,000% that it is hurtful. It’s like they don’t value our time and they go by their time no matter what – even when things are scheduled. My FI is late to everything, even to important events like a family dinner, church, and even to a group premarital class. It was embarrassing walking in late to that class and standing there because they didn’t have any seats left. Someone had to get some chairs for us and another couple had to move over to make room for us – all while everyone looked at us and stopped their discussion as we walked in late. 

 

I wrote a post awhile back asking who in the relationship is always late. It looks like we’re not the only ones who wait on our FI. 

 

Below is the link to my precious thread on this topic:

 

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/who-is-always-late-you-or-your-fi#axzz2Z4Cza2pT

 

Post # 6
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe you could just be gone when he gets there – stop waiting for him if he’s not at the agreed upon place at the agreed upon time. 

Post # 7
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@iiiEllie:  I dated a guy like this for 4 years…extremely frustrating. I’m the type of person who is habitually super early and would rather wait an hour for someone than make them wait even five minutes for me, so this was especially annoying. I would seriously talk to him and let him know that it is extremely inconsiderate and hurtful to you when he does this – my ex was in his own little world and literally did not care about how it affected others. I don’t know if your FI is the same way or if it is unintentional. Either way, I would try to find a solution! I know it made me extremly resentful and it was so frustrating not being able to rely on him or trust that he would be somewhere or not break plans with me. :/

Post # 9
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I always lie about the time we need to leave.  I pad with an extra hour and that normally gets us out on time.  A little deceitful?  Yes, but it keeps us on schedule.

Post # 12
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

@iiiEllie:  So sorry.  That’s even worse.  You’re basically ‘trapped’ until he comes home.  It’s very inconsiderate of him, but basically right now he has no reason to change since other than you being upset (again) at him there don’t seem to be any consequences for him doing what he wants.    Maybe you can set something up with a friend of yours for next time, where she can pick you up and you can be gone for awhile.  Tell her what’s up so that if you back out at the last minute because he does come home she understands, but if nothing else has worked maybe coming home to an empty apartment with you not coming home or responding to texts until you felt like it would get his attention.

Post # 13
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

from now on, just cancel plans when he is late. “sorry, you were too late and so the plans are off.” 

also… try making sure (in front of you) that he sets alarms on his phone (since he loses track of time). If he needs to leave at 5, make him set an alarm for quarter to 5… and everything else that you make plans for.

Post # 14
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@iiiEllie:  I know it’s frustrating. Hang in there and try our tips. His phone needs to be on a ringer when he’s not at work; I don’t get the silent phone thing. That’s annoying! How old is he, if you don’t mind me asking?

Post # 15
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@iiiEllie:  Yeah, you’re going to have to adjust that cushion to him.  Of course, he might get suspicious if you tell him you have to leave for the drive-in at 2:00 in the afternoon.  LOL

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors