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FI doesn't like the wording...

posted 1 year ago in Paper
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    1.
    Member
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    vanilla frosting    September 23, 2011   Philadelphia, PA

    So I am making DIY "Will You Be My..." invitations to give out at the Engagement Party for FI and I this weekend.  I SHOWED FI what they would look like and he read what I wrote.  Then he proceeded to give me his opinion, telling me that my wording is not cohesive. Now I am second guessing the wording I used.

    I definitely hijacked this from a variety of places including @jordynrose in a previous post. 

    Will You…

    Share my special day with me?  Will you help my find my perfect dress?  Will you keep my emotions in check and my sanity intact?  Will you talk me out of unnecessary do-it-yourself projects?  Will you stop me from registering for products we know I will never use?  Will you make sure I leave my Bachelorette Party in one piece?  Will you make sure I get down the aisle without tripping?  Will you dance like a fool with me at my reception?  Will you make sure that I have the most amazing wedding day ever?

     

    I Promise To…

    Never turn into Bridezilla.  I promise the dress will be fabulous.  I promise that you can pick your own shoes.  I promise not to make you come with me to register for dishes and bedding.  I promise not to make you wear nylons.  I promise that the wedding will be a blast!

    Should I change the wording?  Do we like the way it is?

     
    2.
    2,566 posts
    Sugar bee
    Statutory Grape    March 2014  

    I think it's very cute. Why does your FH care? It doesn't impact him...;)

     
    3.
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    Member
    301 posts
    Helper bee
    rolling berry      

    I think it sounds great! It doesn't sound like it's meant to be "cohesive" - each "Will you.." is about something different, but that's part of what makes it cute and funny!

     
    4.
    Hostess
    3,884 posts
    Honey bee
    caszos    June 2010   Florida

    Yea I think it makes sense.  I think if you wanted to make it a little easier to read maybe take it out of paragraph form.

    Something like this:

    Will you:

    • help my find my perfect dress?
    • keep my emotions in check and my sanity intact? 
    •  talk me out of unnecessary do-it-yourself projects? 
    •  stop me from registering for products we know I will never use? 
    • make sure I leave my Bachelorette Party in one piece? 
    •  make sure I get down the aisle without tripping? 
    •  dance like a fool with me at my reception? 
    •  make sure that I have the most amazing wedding day ever?

    Obviously find a cuter way to not just do a bulleted list. 

    Or if you want to keep it in paragraph from, maybe find a few other ways to start the sentence other than "Will you". 

     
    5.
    Member
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    vanilla frosting    September 23, 2011   Philadelphia, PA

    FI's whole problem was the entire "I promise" section.  He said that that was what made it not-coehsive because it's a "Will You Be My.." card.  He said all the "will you's" made sense, but the "I promise" stuff just threw it off...

     

     

     
    6.
    2,566 posts
    Sugar bee
    Statutory Grape    March 2014  

    Maybe you could change "I promise" to "I will"?

     
    7.
    Member
    1,365 posts
    Bumble bee
    Vitsippa    October 10, 2010  

    I think it's great! I think he's just being a boy and not getting it. It's playful and fun, I love it!

     
    8.
    Member
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    vanilla frosting    September 23, 2011   Philadelphia, PA

    @Vitsippa- That's exactly what I said!  I was like "I did not ask for your opinion!  I just wanted to SHOW you!"  Then I called him a funsucker.

     

     

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