Post # 1
He’s always been a shy, quiet guy, but the last few years he suffered from Depression and as a result, basically lost most of his friendships. Even now that he’s recovering, he doesn’t seem to care at all about keeping his friends. He can litererally go MONTHS without seeing them. He’s just a loner, I guess.
This has always bothered me because I’m the exact opposite. I love being social and need to see my friends at least once or twice a week.
So of course with the wedding things are coming to a head. I can’t narrow down my BMs to less than 5 girls that I’m very close to; he’s having trouble finding more than 2 groomsmen because he’s basically shut everybody out.
It’s making me feel so sad for him but at the same time, so ANNOYED. I’ve been encouraging him for years to get back in touch with people, make plans, go out, have fun…nope, nothing. Now he complains he has no friends and I don’t know what to say. Still, he refuses to do anything and I have to literally beg him to make plans.
On top of all that, his supposed “best friend” (guy he’s known his whole life) is going to be Best Man, but I’ve only met him twice! FI & I are mega long distance so I haven’t had much opportunity, but I’ve spent the entire summer with him, and he’s only invited this guy around once. I barely know him, he barely knows me. And what kind of BM speech can he give when my FI doesn’t even go out anymore? =/ I have worries it’s going to be boring!
Anybody else in the same boat?
Post # 3
Unfortunately, you need to accept your FI for who he is.
He is a shy, quiet guy who battled depression.
It is possible that he will battle depression on and off throughout his life.
Post # 4
I am so glad to hear that this summer your FI is doing better and recovering from depression, but I hope you are aware that it is something that never fully goes away…but will likely come back and continue to come back throughout his life. It is INCREDIBLY difficult to keep relationships, friendships and social interactions at the forefront when your mental health is wavering. And it is hard to understand when you are not in the same state of mind that your FI is in. I know it’s hard when you are in the middle of planning a wedding to him, but if he is a quieter, shy person before the depression, he likely always will be, that’s not going to change.
Keep encouraging him to spend time with friends but, don’t push it, because that will send him further away from them.
Post # 5
@HerNameWasLola: Like PP said, this is your FI’s personality and there isn’t anything you can do to change it. Sounds like he is an introvert and perfers to spend his time alone. My fiance and I are in a similar situation. We used to have a big group of friends, but found that we kind of “outgrew”them (they are still at a very immature phase of their life), and we are both very quiet and homebody people so meeting new friends has been a very slow process for us. Just remember that in his case, he may not have introduced you to his best man very often, but it still might be a very important relationship to him.
Post # 6
@HerNameWasLola: My fiance has definitely hung around my bridesmaids more than I have around the person I think he’s going to ask to be best man. Actually, he wasn’t even sure about him before but his brother isn’t around and we made some new friends this year but that was just a few months ago. At least we’re both homebodies.
You just made me realize…what on earth is his best man going to say about us? Maybe we should just skip Best Man and MOH speeches? I’m really not sure. As much as I dislike fiance’s brother, at least I knew he was going to give a really nice speech. The new prospective Best Man is also shy but you know what, just try to look at the positives. If a boring speech is the biggest of your worries, maybe your wedding is going to be smoother than some other weddings where there’s a brawl, a family feud, or something else dreadful.
Post # 7
My mother always used to say, “You can only count your real friends on one hand”. SO TRUE. I have maybe three REAL friends. I’m also a homebody. Sometimes I feel lonely, but I’m an introvert so I need me time to recharge at the end of the day. I love seeing friends when I do get the chance, but I don’t need to see them every week. It’s just the way some people are. I wouldn’t push or mention it too much unless he has no friends at all.
ETA: I’ve also dealt with depression, and used to have a lot of “friends”. I think it can hinder the friendship situation, but I think overtime you just naturally figure out who is really there for you through your hard times.
Post # 8
My FI (only been engaged a week and still feels weird to say that!) is more of an introverted person, he has a few friends but he definitely doesn’t have a best friend. That’s where I come in! Keep in mind you don’t have to stick with tradition. I am having two bridemaids and he is not having groomsmen. One of the girls has been my best friend since I was 10 and the other girl I actually met through my FI, he was living with her and her partner and also another couple and I moved in with them when my FI and I started getting serious so I basically met her because of him. They are good friends also just not as good as her and I. I think for the ceremony we will get them to walk down the aisle together ahead of me and then my childhood best friend will stand on my side and the other friend will stand on his side, but that’s just to balance things out really.
We’re also not doing a first dance because we both just feel like it’s awkward so don’t want to do it.
Don’t get caught up in thinking that you have to do what everyone else does. So what if you’ve got 5 bridesmaids and he’s only got 2 groomsmen, surely you’d rather have people you truly care about and actually want to share the special day with you rather than just people to fill in the numbers. That goes for the speech too, who says the best man has to give a speech? My BM’s will prob want to give one but that’s just in their nature but why not skip that part altogether and just have the parents speeches.
sorry that was so long!