FI doesnt value my opinions/judgment. Always consults with FMIL. Please help. :(

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May

You deserve a person who treats you as an equal,  no matter what. Now that you’ve tried to speak to FI about these actions maybe you should go to FMIL and explain to her how it feels to be constantly undermined like these. I’m hoping she could see it from your perspective and either assist is setting him straight or deter the behavior. Personally it sounds like he is in need of some maturing and has yet to stand on his own two feet. 

Post # 3
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

LucyDiamond:  Awww, I want to slap your FI upside down for you. Seriously what’s his issue with his mom, why does he have to consult her on everything, much less listen to her opinions but not yours? I think there’s something else going on. You did the right thing by sitting him down to let him know how you feel, but my guess is that he didn’t have anything good to say and that’s why he said that stupid thing about being a professional specialist. Is his mom a professional specialist??? I suggest trying to communicate with him again and ask him why he always likes to call his mom about what she thinks is good or not, find out his reasons and go from there.

Post # 4
219 posts
Helper bee

So his mother is a Professional Specialist when it comes to shoes, rings, venues… EVERYTHING??  I’m sorry OP but your Fiance sounds extremely immature.  The cord needs to be cut already, and I strongly suggest nipping this in the bud as soon as possible. 

Now let me call his mother real quick before I hit the “Add a comment” button.  I need to make sure she approves of my comment here….

Post # 5
2129 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Wow. I cannot believe his response. Honestly I don’t even know what advice to give you, because if I were in your situation shit would have hit the fan if my husband ever said that to me. I would suggest that maybe he should sleep at his mommy’s house then and she can help him figure out why he’s in the dog house since apparently she is a “specialist”.

Post # 6
5773 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Put your foot down. He needs to cut the cord and venture out into the world without his mommy, and he needs to see you as his equal partner (and not a replacement mommy). If he can’t do that, then you have to decide if you really want to tie your future to a man who will always defer to his mommy. 

Post # 7
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

As soon as he said that I would have thrown back, “Well you listen to your mom about all this stuff, since when did she become a specialist and I would like to see her credentials.”  But I can be a bitch when people start disrespecting me, I don’t put up with that shit.  Your FI needs to cutt the cord like PP have said and stop calling is mommy for every thing in his life.  Even if you weren’t around it would still be ridiculous for a grown man to call his mom for advice on his purchases, it’s just childish.  I would go follow him into the room and have a discussion about his mom right now because these issues will not go away and the faster you fix it the better.  Do not wait until after the wedding or even until tomorrow, do it now.  Good luck bee!!!

Post # 8
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

LucyDiamond:  Not going to lie. I didnt read the whole post. I am just here to say that would drive me crazy!! Someone needs to give you a medal. You sound like you give him more patience than he even deserves. That would not fly in my house.

Post # 9
643 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s time to cut the apron strings. Your post made my blood boil and it isn’t even happening to me! I cannot respect someone who can’t form their own opinions and who needs to validate every single thing with their mother. You’re his future wife and he needs to show that he puts you first and values your relationship above all others.

Did he ask his mother before he proposed? Will he ask her how to plan your wedding and raise your kids? If this doesn’t stop, I fear you will have an irritating future ahead of you!

Post # 10
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

That would absolutely not fly with me. You are going to be his WIFE! That connection is much more important than his connection/relationship what have you with his mom. My FI and I are both extremely close to our families, but we would never ever treat each other like this. I personally don’t see anythin wrong with him getting opinions from family, however, he needs to validate your opinions and stop constantly taking his mother’s advice.


You and your opinions should matter more to him than his mother and her opinions.

Post # 11
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Nope, oh nope, this would drive me mad, I’d snap and give you kudos for being nice and calm!!!  the worst part is if you kick him back to Mama she’ll welcome him with open arms!

Post # 12
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Step 1: Cook something DISGUSTING for dinner.

Step 2: Tell him you don’t believe/respect his opinion since he’s not a chef.

Or, if you wanna get mean,

Step 1: Kick him in the balls

Step 2: Tell him you don’t believe it hurt since he’s not a man; he’s a little boy who has to ask mommy’s permission for everything.

Post # 13
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

LucyDiamond: Hon, you deserve more than this. Is his mom a specialist in jewelry? I’m guessing no. 

I would not put up with this at all. He needs to pick and if he picks mom, he can pick his shit up and I’m keeping the apartment. 

Post # 14
2114 posts
Buzzing bee


“oh, I am sorry. I didn’t realize your mother was a professional specialist in everything known to man”

His response is just…. i cant event. if he apologizes, it is probably because his mommy said he should. I couldn’t live with a guy with no backbone or opinion of his own. 

I would suggest couples counseling, but I am sure the moment that it is suggested he is too dependent on his mother he would get defensive and not want to return. Either way, this is something that he needs to get his head around before the wedding and def. before kids. Imagine not being able to raise them how you see fit or take them to the doctor you want to.

Hopefully after some time to think he realizes that he should value your opinion more and from there actively point out when he is doing it (in a nice way) as he may not even notice sometimes. 

Post # 15
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

No. Just NO.

I don’t want to hear about how awful this man and his mother are treating you for one more minute. You need to end this relationship now. It doesn’t matter if you’re engaged; this woman will do this to you for the rest of her life. 

I would never be with a man who disrespects me like he does and barely cares about your opinion. You have the rest of your life to find someone else. Otherwise you’ll be dealing with MIL for a long time. 

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