- 2 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I recently wrote a post about my FI’s relationship with his mom, and need some advice on the following:
My FI frequently second guesses my opinions and ALWAYS consults with his mom. And let me tell you, I’m a very understanding and patient young woman, but boy, does it drive me CRAZY! I haven’t shown it at all, but it really makes my blood boil!
He’s done that before (If we are shopping, he would call his mom and ask about what she thought of this brand and that brand)… I always thought it was a bit peculiar..And now, since we’ve been planning our Vegas wedding, it’s even more visible…
From the hotel, to the shows, the the chapel, he consulted with her. Ok, he’s an only child, maybe he wanted to share the good and exciting plans.
Yesterday we went shoe shopping for him. I had my eye out on these really beautiful italian-made leather sole oxford shoes. It was nearly $300! But I didn’t care, he looked so handsome in them, and I just thought that it would be a great idea to buy them. What does he do? He called his mom while we were in the store…. asking “So is this brand a good brand, what do you think?”…. I don’t know what she told him over the phone, but we left the store empty handed…. He said he needs to think about it. Okay, fine, I understand, it’s a pretty big purchase… But even I’m not that picky..
Then we walked into one of the jewellery stores that was explicitly recommended by his mom (She told me that we shouldn’t go anywhere else because this place is the best quality for the price). We walked in the store, and while we were pleasantly surprised at the variety of rings, I was absolutely shocked at their value. The cheapest wedding band (simple, no stones) – $800? For what??? I’ve been to other stores where the same kind of ring (no stones) go for about $250, $300. I told him “Honey, this is nice, but very expensive, maybe we should keep looking?”
He told me that it must be expensive because it’s the real rings, with real metals, and that we should trust this store because his mom does. He also said that the other stores may just put the stamp on their rings, but it doesn’t ensure that they’re actually real….
I proceeded to explain that this doesn’t happen. I explained the process of ring making, and rules of universal stamps, but he just stared into space. On the car ride home he said, “Fine, lets go to one of those cheap stores, but they’ll probably give us crap and we won’t even know”. By that point I was very upset inside, because the whole day just turned into a very unpleasant experience (what should have been fun and exciting)…
Then in the evening, he called his mom and I overhead him tell her about our activities for the day, and about the price of the rings, etc.
Then I laughed… Because he hung up, came into the kitchen where I was, and told me, “Yeah, my mom thinks its too expensive and that we should look elsewhere.”
I realized at that moment that doesn’t matter what I say, he will always second guess me.
Then I did what I felt was right at the moment – I calmly asked him to sit down and listen to me. I told him something along the lines of “Look, as your future wife, I would like you to value my opinions, as I value yours. We are building a life together, and complete trust is a must in all aspects of our relationship. But I feel that you don’t really trust my judgment, and you second guess my opinions and values. It makes me feel upset, because we’re in this together and should make decisions together. But I don’t feel that you fully respect my judgment.”
He said, “Well, if you were a professional specialist when it comes to these things, it would be different.” Then went into the other room….
I have no idea what he meant by that, to be honest. But it really hurt my feelings… I have to be a specialist in something in order for my opinion to count and be valued???
I don’t know what kind of advice I’m looking for. But I feel very crappy inside….. 🙁