Post # 1
WTF? Just WTF? I live in a different city from my family and see them once or twice a year. Basically, my male family members want to throw FI a second bachelor party while we’re in town. I think that’s very sweet of them. Except that my dad seems to be insisting on a stripper. It’s not that I’m against strippers necessarily, but FI has stated time and again that he REALLY isn’t interested and it makes him very uncomfortable. My dad has become convinced that I’m the one who’s not into the stripper and I’m trying to ruin their fun, and that FI is just going along with me, which is not the case. (And even if it were, isn’t my dad supposed to have my back?)So, that in mind, he’s going ahead with the stripper thing. He thinks I don’t know this, but it’s gotten back to me.
FI says he’s going to walk out of the party if a stripper shows up, which would, I’m sure, cause drama with the men in the family. How do I convey to my dad that we’re really not kidding about this?
Post # 3
I think it’s really disrespectful of your father – both to you AND your FI – to insist on this. That’s just really weird and kind of creepy. Can you or your FI talk to your other male family members about it and explain that FI really doesn’t want a stripper and it’s not coming from you? And the more I think about it the more f**ked up it is that your father would do this thinking he’s going against your wishes. How close are you with your father? Can you tell him his being a jerk and to back off? If you have that relationship with him then seriously give him a piece of your mind. So disrespectful to you. I can’t even fathom this. Are your parents still married (i.e. is he single?) – even then it’s still not OK but makes a little more sense. Actually scratch that. It makes no sense. Good luck with this one!
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Uhhh that’s okay, my FMIL offered to go to a strip club with my fiance and his GM because I couldn’t be upset if it was a “family outing” (her actual words.)
But to answer your question, I would sit down and have a serious talk with your dad and explain that NEITHER of you are comfortable with a stripper, not just you. He needs to understand that you two are serious about this and you would be hurt if he didn’t respect your feelings.
Post # 5
Good g-d your father is an adult and needs to start acting like one. If he wants a strip show, he can drive himself any night of the week to a strip club.
As to your FI, maybe he shouldn’t go? Or go and just tell the stripper to focus on your Dad and the other guys in your family?
What a creepy situation. I feel for you.
Post # 6
I learned from my FIs party that you can’t. If someone else wants a stripper there and is willing to pay for it, then it’s likely happening despite your protests. We both learned at our respective parties that sometimes YOUR party, is not so much about you. FI requested no strippers at his and two showed up.
I think your FIs best bet is to just do his best to politely decline the attention or better yet, ask one of his buddies, who IS ok with strippers in advance to take one for the team and be center of attention.
Post # 7
You guys are right–f’d up and creepy.
My dad is still married to my mom, who btw, is also not cool with this, but she’s too passive to tell him directly. My relationship with my dad is kind of strained because he can be extremely sexist.
I should also mention that my dad was present at my BIL’s bachelor party, and no one will tell me the whole story, but it has been implied that it escalated to oral sex between BIL and the stripper. One of the groomsmen was upset enough that he told my sister. Um, hello? Shouldn’t our dad have kept that from even happening?
@amanda.lynn I can’t even say how weirded out I am by your FMIL. hahaha
Post # 8
Am I the only one who thinks it’s completely creepy for parents to be at bachelor/bachelorette parties?
@Irislilac: IMO, it’s completely reasonable to exclude your father from all bachelor party proceedings. And frankly, considering the way your dad completely disrespects you and your FI’s wishes, I wouldnt waste too much time worrying about him feeling slighted. Seriously, time for him to grow up a bit.
Also, re your BIL’s party – BARFTASTIC!!
Post # 9
@Iris — um, your BIL should have kept that from happening!! Ew! Yes, your dad could have and should have stopped it, but we’re all ultimately responsible for our own actions!
I know I said before that you might not have a choice if the party goes forward, but with that additional detail, I think you need to tell the your FI already had his Bachelor Party and you guys are all good and done and shut down the party.
Better drama with your family than drama between you and your FI if it goes forward and things get out of hand!
Post # 10
True story, my mom paid for the stripper at my bachelorette party. She told my MOH it wasn’t a bachelorette party unless there was a stripper!
My mom is funny sometimes =P. It was a surprise, though! And, he harassed all of us, so it was all in good fun. He even gave my mom a sexy shoulder rub and we all had a good laugh at that. It was the cheesiest thing ever.
if they insist on a stripper, your FI shouldn’t go. If you BOTH don’t want one, i don’t see why your dad is insisting on one. Unless his thought is like my mom’s–all in good fun and/or it’s ‘traditional’. He’s probably being good natured about it (benefit of the doubt–i don’t know him and i know my mom isn’t creepy and gross) but the fact that you’ve already told him NO is the big problem. I didn’t tell anyone no for my parties. But if i had and she did it anyways? I’d be livid. You have EVERY right. Definitely get this straightened out asap!
Post # 11
wow! i am so sorry! that is so aweful. if he doesn’t want it, then your dad must really want an excuse to hire one…i would tell him absolutely not or he’s not cominf to the bachelor party! it’s not fair to put your man in that position.
Post # 12
I think that you should use your BIL’s bachelor party as an example of why your FI doesn’t want one. Especially because I’m assuming that your BIL will be in attendance at your FI’s party. PS does your sister have any idea that happened?
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
Oh man, your dad watched his own daughter’s future husband get oral sex from a stripper? That’s so beyond my comprehension.
I say boycott.
Post # 14
Oh i just reread that one of the GM told your sister. I’m surprised she didn’t absolutely freak out! I think I would have been calling off the wedding.
Post # 15
After hearing the story about your BIL. I would say don’t go. It’s not worth amusing your dad by having the stripper there. Especially if there’s a potential of what happened at your BIL’s party. I can’t even fathom a father who would put her daughter through that.
Post # 16
WOW. The 2nd store about BIL and stripper is just downright creepy and not acceptable whatsoever. Did your sister find out AFTER the wedding happened or before? I just watched an uncensored version of Showgirls last night at a bar and now I have images of Elizabeth Berkeley stripping at Cheetahs in my head after read this. LOL
Your FI would most certainly not be okay with anything like that happening. Is there anyway that your male family members can get through to your father? Do you have a brother or an uncle or a cousin… SOMEONE who can reason with him? Because if not… maybe your FI can kindly suggest that he’s prefer to cancel the event and just have the male family meet him up for drinks before the wedding.