(Closed) FI doesn’t want me in a used dress!

posted 7 years ago in Dress
  • poll: Should I buy a used dress if it makes my fiance uncomfortable?
    Yes- just don't tell him. : (24 votes)
    38 %
    Yes - and tell him too! Honesty is the best policy. : (19 votes)
    30 %
    No- he would respect your wishes, so you should do the same. : (21 votes)
    33 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1313 posts
    Bumble bee

    @akbanana: WOAH! I am in the exact same boat as you, I wan the exact same dress, and my SO has the same thoughts! SO weird……

    My SO also thinks it’s just got “bad vibes” if someone else wore it, but I have slowly bt surely convinced him it’s just a better choice. He still isn’t 100% on board, but……

    I don’t think you’ll get ripped off though. I’ve heard a lot of brides with really good experiences buying used dresses.

    I just wouldn’t tell him. I’m not going to 😉

    Post # 4
    Member
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    500 vs 740 doesn’t seem like that much of a difference in price. Are there any incentives to get it from the store? Free veil, alterations, discounts? I feel like it might be better in this case to just go with the new dress. That said, if you do decide to go with used I just wouldn’t tell your FH, I know mine has no idea where mine came from or how much it cost.

    Post # 5
    Member
    174 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    It is best to be honest and this is a small request he has for you. He is doing this for you – he wants it to be yours 100% and feel special.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I’d explain your reasons for wanting to go with a used dress, and then just go for it. Your reasons seem to carry more weight than his do, since his are more feeling based. Sure you could get ripped off buying online, but you can explain to him how you are going to avoid that and what safe guards are in place. There is an actual, tangible, difference to the earth and your wallet for buying used. It’s sweet he wants you to go all out, but I think you’re being smart about buying used if you find the dress you really want.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3614 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Is he renting his tux?

    You can tell him buying brand new dresses is a trend of our generation anyway. A lot of our moms and grandmoms wore passed-on or rented gowns. You can also tell him that if you buy a sample dress in the store, it will have been worn by more people than just one bride.

    Guys sometimes get silly little things stuck in their hands related to weddings from when they were little (“dress needs to be white” , “dress needs to be poofy with white gloves” etc), but can be convinced otherwise when explained to them logically why that is just a nonsense tradition/stigma.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    And be honest! Do you want to be wearing something on you wedding day that you lied to your fiance/husband about? Talk about getting off on the wrong foot!

    Post # 9
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    If it were a big price diff I’d say buy it used and don’t tell – but really, the price difference isn’t worth it. And you’ll feel shiny and new in a brand new dress. So i say – go new.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    it’s really not a big price difference. some grooms are very sentimental about what their bride wears. if this is what he’s asking for, just give it to him! how many things are you deciding about the wedding?

    and really, starting your marriage with a lie is a BAD idea!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1920 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I have no problem with used dresses but this cost savings doesn’t seem that worth it to me. I would probably go new since  its what your FI wants and you get to have a new dress.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Tell him you don’t want him in a rented tux then. See if he changes his tune. Would he buy a tux just to have around? How many times a year would he need to wear it? Same as your wedding gown. How many times are you wearing it after the wedding? Tell him that he can pay for the difference in cost though.

    Break it down though. The salon may offer free alterations and other things. If you buy the dressed used, you may end up spending the difference in alterations.

    Post # 13
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    If he is renting a tux than I don’t think he really has any ground to stand on to ask you to not get a used dress.

    Yes – the cost difference isn’t a lot but depending on your overall wedding budget, that $250 could be a big deal.  But I do agree to price it out fully as many salons will include free alterations, veil, etc if you buy your dress new from them; you won’t get those benefits with the used dress so cost wise, you might not be better off.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I was looking at a used dress site the other day when my fiance said “you know someone’s already had sex while wearing that, right?”

    So apparently he does not like used dresses and that’s his reasoning. 

    I think on one hand, if you were getting a huge price savings it would make sense to buy it used and not tell him.  It sounds like he doesn’t really care.  He just doesn’t want to know about it because then he’ll start thinking about it being used.

    But for the amount you’re saving, it’s not really that much and it might be worth it to get it new.

    Post # 15
    Member
    312 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I dont think you need to lie to your FI. Thats not a good idea, it never is…. I think since there isnt a big price range difference you should just got ahead and get the new…. a used could have a stain or stressed or wht not.. its really your personal opinion and I wish you the best!

    Post # 16
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @Entangled: LOL…I guess all brides don’t have the time to take off their wedding dress before they have sex that night? Too funny!

    I agree w/ Miss Tattoo – just explain it to him by way of tux rental. It’s essentially the same thing, so he might change his tune.

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