Post # 1
So I think I have chosen my dress (Casablanca 1827!!!) – I’m just trying to decide whether I should buy it in a store or used online. In store is $740, online used is about $500, maybe less if I can bargain a bit. Here’s why I want a used dress:
– I want to be eco-conscious
– I want to save money
– I don’t mind that it’s been worn already- as long as the wedding wasn’t called off! – it’s sort of doubling all the happiness of the dress.
Any aren’t a lot of grooms’ tuxes used anyway?
Here’s why he doesn’t want me to go used:
– He thinks it’s weird for me to wear someone else’s dress- think’s its too important of a day and a dress to go used.
– He thinks I’ll get ripped off online and it’s not that much of a price difference anyway.
What do you guys think??? He told me he doesn’t really care as long as I don’t tell him but I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Plus, if there was something I felt really strongly about, he would probably respect my wishes. Help!
Post # 3
@akbanana: WOAH! I am in the exact same boat as you, I wan the exact same dress, and my SO has the same thoughts! SO weird……
My SO also thinks it’s just got “bad vibes” if someone else wore it, but I have slowly bt surely convinced him it’s just a better choice. He still isn’t 100% on board, but……
I don’t think you’ll get ripped off though. I’ve heard a lot of brides with really good experiences buying used dresses.
I just wouldn’t tell him. I’m not going to 😉
Post # 4
500 vs 740 doesn’t seem like that much of a difference in price. Are there any incentives to get it from the store? Free veil, alterations, discounts? I feel like it might be better in this case to just go with the new dress. That said, if you do decide to go with used I just wouldn’t tell your FH, I know mine has no idea where mine came from or how much it cost.
Post # 5
It is best to be honest and this is a small request he has for you. He is doing this for you – he wants it to be yours 100% and feel special.
Post # 6
I’d explain your reasons for wanting to go with a used dress, and then just go for it. Your reasons seem to carry more weight than his do, since his are more feeling based. Sure you could get ripped off buying online, but you can explain to him how you are going to avoid that and what safe guards are in place. There is an actual, tangible, difference to the earth and your wallet for buying used. It’s sweet he wants you to go all out, but I think you’re being smart about buying used if you find the dress you really want.
Post # 7
Is he renting his tux?
You can tell him buying brand new dresses is a trend of our generation anyway. A lot of our moms and grandmoms wore passed-on or rented gowns. You can also tell him that if you buy a sample dress in the store, it will have been worn by more people than just one bride.
Guys sometimes get silly little things stuck in their hands related to weddings from when they were little (“dress needs to be white” , “dress needs to be poofy with white gloves” etc), but can be convinced otherwise when explained to them logically why that is just a nonsense tradition/stigma.
Post # 8
And be honest! Do you want to be wearing something on you wedding day that you lied to your fiance/husband about? Talk about getting off on the wrong foot!
Post # 9
If it were a big price diff I’d say buy it used and don’t tell – but really, the price difference isn’t worth it. And you’ll feel shiny and new in a brand new dress. So i say – go new.
Post # 10
it’s really not a big price difference. some grooms are very sentimental about what their bride wears. if this is what he’s asking for, just give it to him! how many things are you deciding about the wedding?
and really, starting your marriage with a lie is a BAD idea!
Post # 11
I have no problem with used dresses but this cost savings doesn’t seem that worth it to me. I would probably go new since its what your FI wants and you get to have a new dress.
Post # 12
Tell him you don’t want him in a rented tux then. See if he changes his tune. Would he buy a tux just to have around? How many times a year would he need to wear it? Same as your wedding gown. How many times are you wearing it after the wedding? Tell him that he can pay for the difference in cost though.
Break it down though. The salon may offer free alterations and other things. If you buy the dressed used, you may end up spending the difference in alterations.
Post # 13
If he is renting a tux than I don’t think he really has any ground to stand on to ask you to not get a used dress.
Yes – the cost difference isn’t a lot but depending on your overall wedding budget, that $250 could be a big deal. But I do agree to price it out fully as many salons will include free alterations, veil, etc if you buy your dress new from them; you won’t get those benefits with the used dress so cost wise, you might not be better off.
Post # 14
I was looking at a used dress site the other day when my fiance said “you know someone’s already had sex while wearing that, right?”
So apparently he does not like used dresses and that’s his reasoning.
I think on one hand, if you were getting a huge price savings it would make sense to buy it used and not tell him. It sounds like he doesn’t really care. He just doesn’t want to know about it because then he’ll start thinking about it being used.
But for the amount you’re saving, it’s not really that much and it might be worth it to get it new.
Post # 15
I dont think you need to lie to your FI. Thats not a good idea, it never is…. I think since there isnt a big price range difference you should just got ahead and get the new…. a used could have a stain or stressed or wht not.. its really your personal opinion and I wish you the best!
Post # 16
@Entangled: LOL…I guess all brides don’t have the time to take off their wedding dress before they have sex that night? Too funny!
I agree w/ Miss Tattoo – just explain it to him by way of tux rental. It’s essentially the same thing, so he might change his tune.