- 6 years ago
I will warn all, this is a long post with way too much Too Much Information so I apologize in advance
This is going to be really hard for me to write and very hard for me to articulate. A little bit about my Fiance and myself. We have been together a little over 2 years, and ALMOST everything has been perfect. When we first started dating seriously, we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. We would just lounge around on Saturdays and have sex. We would lay awake at night and hold each other, touching, kissing, having sex even though we knew we had to get up in 4 hours and go to work. Around the 6 month mark, it started slacking off some. I expected that, it is normal for couples to go through phases of being more/less intimate. What went from 3-4 times a week went down to about 2-3. Then it dwindled even more than that it was more like 1-2 times a week. Now it more like 1x a week-10 days.
He hasn’t initiated sex in months. He will tell me, ” we will have sex tomorrow night”. Then the next night rolls around, he brushes his teeth, pulls of his boxers, climbs into bed. We kiss, I unclothe my own self and get on top. If I pull him on top of me he basically lays there, giving minimal effort. I know he can do more than this because he used to throw my legs behind his head, try different techniques and be over all more into IT. Sometime we will have an entrie sexual episode and he will not have grabbed my boobs or butt one single time.
He can rarely finish through sex, I normally have to give him head to get him to go. This can take a very long time, but I am VERY determined for us to both be satisfied so I will keep going until he orgasms. I wanted to try and spice things up a few months ago, so I suggested we watch porn together. He basically laughed and thought it was hilarious and said it was a dangerous experiment because what if he looked to “into it” and I got my feelings hurt ( ummmm am I not the one who suggested it!! I digress…). About 2 months ago and I went to Victorias Secret and bought a $125 pink sparkly bra ( I know, ridiculous but it made my boobs look amazing), thigh high lace stockings with little bows on them. a garter belt, a thong and curled my hair the certain way he likes it. His response? ( I also lit candles and had a playlist of slow songs going)… he wanted to go to sleep. He said he was sorry and rolled over. I went in the bathroom and cried, and cried and cried A LOT more than I ever want to admit lol. I took back the bra, I actually forgot to remove the tag off of the back THANKG GOD, but not before I left it on the dresser for a few days so he saw it.
He asked me about it an entire MONTH later and said that he was an asshole for doing that. We now have our own house, so I thought things would get better. They are basically the same. We have sex when planned and he gets pretty irked when I try to seduce him during the day/evening/early night. He used to go down on me all the time and now I have to request it ( to which he has told me NO before).
Bees, I am so lost! We have talked about it over and over again. He swears up and down it is not me, he swears it is him. I have point blank asked him if he finds me attractive ( resounding yes), if everything feels good that I am doing or attempting to do ( resounding yes). He is on antidepressants, but he has been on them for 8 years now and he has never had this problem with any of his other partners! I know how many women he has had sex with (over 40), and I am the ONLY one who just cannot seem to get him going. ME. His future wife.
I am not worried that he has some secret porn addiction. Hell, I probably look at it more than he does and I KNOW that I masturbate more than he does! He just chalks it up to low libido, but it is doing such a number on my self esteem I find myself crying. Not cool! I work out, eat right, have friends, try to make myself appealing by removing all outside stressors ( doing his laundry, cooking, cleaning, running errands so he will have more energy). I am so exhausted trying to “think outside of the box” to get my Fiance to want to sleep with me and more than just stick his penis in me for a few minutes but actually WANT to do it. He is a very honest person, so I feel he would tell me if there really was some strange problem with me. I know with other girls he had very outlandish and kinky sex with, but ours is very plain and the most kinky thing I can get him to do with me was to have sex in the shower once about a year ago.
I wear lingerie ( other than that one time mentioned earlier) and he responds to it, or he gets hard at least. I try to have sex with him on the couch ( hasn’t happened yet), in his new truck just for fun ( had it since July, hasn’t happened yet). I am tired of crying and feeling like a total loser. He knows it bothers me, he apologizes periodically and admits to not fulfilling me sexually.
PLEASE tell me someone else has been here before?! HELP ME!