(Closed) FI doesn't want to invite his brother…

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: What do I do?
    It's your FI's family, if he doesn't want to invite him then that's down to him. : (13 votes)
    34 %
    It would be rude not to invite him - convince your FI to send one : (12 votes)
    32 %
    Talk to your FMIL, she should be able to tell what's best : (12 votes)
    32 %
    Obligatory other. : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    @ZebraPrintMe:  Well if your FI is against wasting the paper, why don’t you both invite him in person (preferably while mum is around as a witness)? Maybe that way your FI avoids “wasting paper” and you take care not to offend his mum!

    Post # 4
    Member
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t think you should convince him, I think it’s up to him.

    Post # 6
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    It’s a pretty big snub to not invite him at all. Ask his mom what she thinks, and I bet she would be VERY upset if his brother wasn’t invited.

    And really, a $5 invitation to keep the family drama down is totally worth it in my opinion.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    @ZebraPrintMe:  I would say to invite him.  You never know what the future holds… Something could bring the two of them together – but you wouldn’t want him to feel snubbed and have bad blood!  And if he is this anti-social, does he have some kind of disorder?  It could be that being in groups just makes him extremely uncomfortable, but not necessarily mean he doesn’t wish he could be there.  Just a thought that popped into my head.

    Post # 9
    Member
    975 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

    I haven’t talked to my brother in 3 years, until we both visited family for Thanksgiving. I was thinking about not inviting him to the wedding as he is usually really awful (like REALLY awful, abusive, anti-socail behavior disorder) but my mom said it would be a bad idea to not invite him. During our visit back home he was really nice and excited about the wedding, so the answer is definately yes now. 

    Invite him anyway, you guys probably won’t even notcie he is there. If you don’t it will be obvious you are excluding him and no matter how little you talk that would still hurt. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @ZebraPrintMe:  You would be surprised at how a laid back person can become a high strung drama-nut during a wedding. If someone asks “where is groom’s brother” and the answer is “he couldn’t make it” instead of “he wasn’t invited” it can go a long way to smoothing things over.

    If he truely does NOT want his brother there, then don’t invite him, but if it’s just the “he probably won’t come so why bother” situation, I still suggest inviting him.

    Post # 11
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We invited my husband’s younger brother even though we knew he wouldn’t come.  Just do it.  It’s not THAT much extra effort or expense.  

    Post # 12
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Also, if you do the right thing etiquette-wise, then no one can ever say that YOU were the problem.  We know that my husband’s brother can be a huge drama queen and spin stories around, so it was important that we invite him to avoid drama.  Does that make sense?

    Post # 13
    Member
    6030 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Your fiance’s family, your fiance’s call on this one. If the situation were reversed and you had a sister or brother that, for whatever reason, you did not want to invite, you wouldn’t much appreciate your fi trying to change your mind, would you?

    Post # 14
    Member
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    My husband has a very anti-social brother too.  However, I can’t imagine not inviting him to our wedding!  We did invite him, and he did come.  I don’t think we really talked to him at all and I couldn’t tell you how long he stayed.  But he was there for our pictures and supported us in his own way.

    It’s fine that your FI isn’t close to his brother.  But not inviting him is like saying, “I don’t want you to be a part of my family or my life.”  Unless the brother has done something abhorrent, I think it’s awful not to invite him.  If he says no, that’s on him.  But at least you will have done everything you could to include him.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7090 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would definitely invite him.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3874 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If he’s younger, can’t you just tack him onto his parent’s invite and plan as though he won’t be there (i.e., don’t include him in seating plan, etc,.)? Still polite, but no waste of paper and very little hassle.

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