Post # 1
We’re selecting our officiant soon, so I’m currently in the process of roughly writing our non-religious wedding ceremony (just to give them an idea of what we want), and have finally created one I really love. It’s short, sweet, and it makes me tear up when I read it, which I take as a good thing. 🙂
The only problem is, the FI does not want to say anything during the ceremony besides “I do.” He’s not an overly shy person, and our wedding is only going to be about 50 close friends and family members, but is very determined to not say anything, and gets agitated when I bring it up. I’ve taken the time to edit as much as I can so it’s still personal without him speaking much, but when we place the rings on each others fingers, I want him to repeat after the officiant and say:
“FutureMrsDB, I give you this ring as a symbol that I choose you to be my wife, my partner and my best friend today, tomorrow and always. Wear it, think of me, and know that I love you.”
Thats my favourite part, and don’t know how to do without it, or change it. I’ll be saying the same thing back to him. Besides that, all he has to say is “I do.” Is it too much to ask that he say (repeat, really) 2 lines to me, or is it selfish of me to want my way so badly? I mean, isn’t expressing your love the whole point of the day? Is anyone else having this problem?
Thanks in advance!
Post # 3
Hmm, on one hand I can see your point-he’s not shy and you’re not asking that much of him. But why do you think he’s so agitated at the thought? I don’t think you’re being selfish and he should step up. But he owes you an explanation as to why he’s so upset.
Post # 4
Thanks, the only explination I’ve gotten so far is that, “The wedding is too far away to be thinking about these things right now.” I realize it’s still not until next summer, but I just want to be prepared for when we meet the officiant. I hope I don’t make him sound mean about it, because he is a good guy, but I just really don’t get it, and we normally see eye-to-eye on things. Thanks for your input though 🙂
Post # 5
My FI isn’t a talker and I can’t recite anything when I’m nervous, so I was grateful that my officiant had a template. He’s doing most of the talking, we have three readers, and we are only saying our vows and a couple other sentences.
Ask your officiant for a template then you can discuss w/ your FI the ceremony wording.
Post # 6
Well, then maybe just let it go for now because it’s not worth making a big deal about right now. And you do have time to update the officiant to any changes in your ceremony in the coming year. And maybe he really doesn’t want to think about it yet. Guys are like that:) But he will probably come around when it gets closer.
Post # 7
Is he afraid of messing up repeating the lines? Maybe he can actually read them from a little card or something?
No, I don’t think you are asking for too much or being selfish. He’s the groom . . . he should be actively participating in the ceremony.
Post # 8
The officiant should give you an idea of how he works too. Ours wanted to know how we met, how we ended up “we”, etc. He wanted to know what scripture reading we wanted, and we told him the length (he’s an old co-worker of mine, and I know he gets long-winded, which we won’t have time for.) Your FI is kind of right – until you’ve chosen and talked to your officiant, there’s really no need to nail down EXACTLY how it’ll play out.
Post # 9
I think it is important to find out what his reason is (though maybe let it go for a while, you have plenty of time). His saying that it’s too far away to think about it is just an excuse.. maybe he’s embarrassed to tell you why. But until you know his real reason you wont’ be able to know if you should be considerate of his feelings and accept it, or try to convince him..
Post # 10
I mean it is BOTH of your weddings, but perhaps ask him where he finds meaning in the ceremony? For some people, the traditional to have to hold…etc. is what really makes you married. For others, it is the “I do”. Some people view the important part in writing their own vows, to make those specific commitments to their partner. Instead of badgering him on him speaking, why not ask him which parts really “ring true” for him?
However, I feel like for me, if My fiance only said “I do” I would feel cheated. These are supposed to be the vows and phrases that hold us together for the rest of our lives….I would need more than that.
Post # 11
I think even if he is going to say something, it should be something that he writes from his heart, rather than something you write for him.
Post # 12
If it really is because it’s so far away, AND something that can easily change… It would help to explain that until you have the ceremony written out in a way that seems meaningful to you, it is going to bother you. Whereas he’s able to put things out of his mind on a whim, you can’t. You don’t WANT to think about this continuously (and therefore ask him constantly), and his cooperation NOW prevents months of bother on your part. However, I WOULD talk to the officiant before you try to nail down your ceremony.
Post # 13
I just realized you are getting married the same month as I am! you have some time.. maybe give him a few months and then ask again.. If he doesn’t want it brought up right now, just let him be would be my advice
Post # 14
One reason he may not want to say anything else, is because he is afraid he is going to get too emotional – my husband was glad that we wrote our vows, but b/c he broke down into an extreme sobbing mess (and we arn’t talking about a single tear, but a wet & loud mess) in front of everyone at the wedding, he was later a bit embarrassed.
I would give it time & have this discussion when the wedding gets closer/ during your meeting with the officiant.
Post # 15
Its a fourteen months away and even I think its way to early committ to the details of the ceremony wording. However, his personalization of your ceremony is essential, your not marrying yourself, so it can’t soley be focused on what you want to say/hear. Public speaking is a real fear and your should be more sensative. I’m sure as it gets closer he will understand how much it means to you and will become more at ease with speaking a few lines. Besides, don’t you think that your ideas on the ceremony will evolve over the next year? So just have your appointed meeting with the officent, get your SO’s input and then let it rest for few months.
Post # 16
I’m not a shy person, but I do have horrible stage fright. It’s different being outgoing and friendly in a social setting, and basically being on stage in front of an audience of people. Maybe he’s nervous about that. I know I’m terrified at the thought!