FI doesn't want to spend any money on wedding

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My fiance says stuff like that last part. If I were you I’d reply “great! So to do that we need to pay at least X amount! I don’t want to elope, and if you want me I’m sure you want me happy.”

Also point out how little you need to save per month or whatever to reach your goal. Hopefully he’ll come around.

Post # 3
Member
1208 posts
Bumble bee

First, pick a date and KEEP it. That way you can figure out how much you should save per month. If its only 20-40 ppl $10k is LOADS depending on where you live. Our budget is $10k for 120ppl. Pick a date. Make your guest list. Write out a list of “must haves” and “wants”. Go online and price hints out with vendors in your area to get a more accurate idea of the cost for those things then rework your lists until you come up with something your comfortable with.

Post # 4
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

If he’s constantly changing the date, it doesn’t seem like money’s really the issue. FI and I disagreed over budget initially. Then we realized that he wanted a more intimate ceremony than I did, and I wanted a venue that allowed for outside catering. Both those things impacted the way we allocated our budget, so it was the budget we fought about. But money wasn’t the core issue.

You don’t need to start planning for 2017 yet. Give him some space to figure out what his real issue is and use the time to figure out your budget priorities. Then try again.

Post # 5
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Agreed. The money is always a topic of conversation, no doubt, but there are often different ideas about what the wedding should be like at the core of it all. Sometimes these different ideas are pretty fundamental (big/small, religious/non-religious, casual and cheap/formal and no-expense-spared) but sometimes it’s things that don’t necessarily oppose one another. 

My guess is that he has realized that marrying you comes with this hugely important event and isn’t sure what to do with that fact. It’s probably pretty overwhelming. And he probably isn’t sure what he wants out of it yet. The last thing you want to do is rush into spending such a huge chunk of money and only at the end of it realize you should have done it another way to be true to you both. So give it time – give him time and give yourself time to slowly figure this out. And keep communicating calmly throughout, in quiet moments.

That’s what we’re doing, and it helps a lot.

Post # 6
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

AussieBride2017:  Set the date and stick to it. Also explain how important it is to you and the memory (or RESENTMENT) will last a lifetime. Well dont make him feel like you are blackmailing him, but explain your feelings.

I do get the money thing – we are on a very tight budget, and actually FI does not mind spending it is me who is cutting corners, but at the same time realising that ultimately making memories is what it is about.

 

Figure out the things you absolutely can not skip. Dress, hair, makeup, etc. Work out the cost. Show it to him. Discuss. Explain why it is worth it to you.

 

Try your best to communicate!!!

Post # 8
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

Is he a numbers man? I know mine is. He was a bit afraid of committing to a date as well, when we did pick one tentatively, I did up a basic budget and showed him what we’d need to put aside for the wedding each month. He was fine after that. He just needed a concrete plan.

Post # 9
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

AussieBride2017:  What your fiance needs to understand is that wedding memories and pictures last a lifetime. It is the one day where you get to professionally capture both of you dressed up and looking at your best with all of your family together. It is also probably the ONLY day you will have where all of the important people in your life are together in one place. It’s an incredibly special thing.

I treasure the pictures of us with both pairs of grandparents, of me together with my divorced parents who have barely been in the same room for 20 years, and of my husband and I looking young and gorgeous together. It’s not a big party to blow all your money on, it is a symbol and coming together of everyone important in your life. One day these people are not going to be around any more, and on that day you will thank god that you have those great pictures and memories of all of you together.

Some things you can cut, and you don’t need to spend a huge amount of money on a wedding, but stand your ground on the things that you really want. A nice car is going to be in the junkyard in 10 years, but wedding pictures are something that you will value for the rest of your life.

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